I've just found out the gender

[WinkyWinkola]

of my baby. It's a boy. I'm upset. I really wanted another girl.

Everything I associate with having a boy so far has been negative. Difficult birth, difficult baby, exceptionally difficult child. He's 4 now and is still a massive challenge.

I dread the birth. I'm now convinced that it's going to be a nightmare like the first time. I'm further convinced it's all going to be a nightmare because the poor child's kidney is enlarged and the placenta is encroaching on my cervix. Great.

Of course I realise that it could very easily have been a boy. It's just that my DD is so very very easy compared to my DS.

Please, can you knock some sense into me? Right now I'm just filled with a kind of dread and upset. I didn't really expect to be so affected like this. Perhaps I've not dealt with first birth experience properly. I sound spoiled, don't I?

have you thought about counselling for you first ds birth and early days at all?

My DSs are easy compared to my DD

It's best to deal with these feelings now than to let them encroach on the birth of your baby. You know you'll fall in love with him as soon as you see him. I did with DS2 (complete with enlarged kidney and nightmare birth with DS1!)

hi winkywinkola, I had a difficult birth with my ds, and I've found out I'm having a another boy too, but every one keeps telling me no 2 births are the same, so I'm counting on that. Plus they all say no two children are the same, which is a shame cos my ds was a fab baby, so looks like I'll be getting a wee monster this time

Why do I feel so bloody miserable? I'm having a baby for goodness sake.

Well i've got 2 ds's and am pregnant with a girl now.

DS1 tricksy in the extreme but still fab. DS2 dream baby although difficult start with a week in nicu.

But i guess my point is that although the same sex they are like chalk and cheese personality wise. DS2 is sooo laidback its untrue.

Winky, I have 3 girls. The births were all totally different, and so are my lovely daughters. I would second diffID in asking if you've thought about some couselling re DS1's birth? My DD1 was quite a traumtic birth, and I used the hospital's debriefing with a mw to help me make sense of it.

You're not spoiled, just worried.

You feel miserable because you are a bundle of hormones rather than pure reason. It's completely irrational, you know it is, yet you feel it anyway.

As I said, I was upset DS2 was going to be a boy and not my longed for daughter and I was similarly sad when DD came to ruin my boy gang. No reason to it whatsoever. I loved them all equally from the moment I held them though

Your mind has come up with Boy = Difficult and that simply isn't true. I don't think anyone can convince you otherwise really, it's something you have to work through yourself.

Mt DS1 is an angel. Calm right from the start - he was a nightmare labour/birth mind you. DS2 was am easy birth by comparison and is a challenging child, DD was an even easier birth and has been an even bigger challenge right from the start!

The gender of your baby has no bearing on how difficult your birth is likely to be, how good or bad the baby period is and how difficult or easy the child will be. You logically know this, focus on it. All of the things you are worried about are personality/nature things not a gender issue.

Everything will be fine, positive mental attitude! He'll be scrummy and teeny and have cute baby thighs and have that smell and he will probably be more relaxed that your DS because he is a third child and you will be more chilled out (and busier!). A baby is just a baby, boy or girl, it really doesn't matter and you will be totally smitten!

I've been writing this for ages (damn hollyoaks distracting me!) so probably x posted a few times over now good luck!

I guess I was also rather taken with the mother-daughter thing too.

A son's a son until he takes a wife etc etc etc............

Is that just cobblers?

I've got 2 DSs. DS1 is 3.3, is very, ahem, challenging and we have a very intense relationship. Was a difficult birth, too, and he was the most crapola sleeper well into his third year. DS2 is 1.3 - he was an easy birth and, apart from vile colic until 11 weeks, has been an absolute doddle of a baby. He is absolutely delightful, happy to entertain himself much of the time (where DS1 is still very needy of my input) but very cuddly too.

They are both wonderful in their very different ways, and I am constantly surprised by how different they are, and yet starting to become good friends (tis v sweet!) I think your feelings are entirely understandable in the circs, but hope you feel better about it all soon. He'll be very.

Hope it's cobblers - am not giving up my boys to anyone, will be MIL from hell - "No-one's good enough for my boys!" etc.

Not really (hope not, anyway ), but wouldn't know about mother-daughter thing. Am not close to my own mum (we divided in classic daddy-daughter, mummy-son mode in my family), so that's not inevitable, any more than your DS2 being a tricky one is.

Thank you very much for all your insight and kind words.

I feel better now and will try not to heap negative expectation on this poor new baby. Even if he is a tough cookie, at least I'll have had some practice with DS1. Who knows, maybe DS1 will turn out to be really supportive and helpful with the new baby. He tried to maim DD when she was tiny but he was only 2 then!

I think sometimes the gender of our children can really strike something deep inside us that's really nothing to do with wanting to dress up girls in pretty dresses or have a sporty boy.

Regarding the kidney and low lying placenta thing - both apparently are v. common acc. to some research I've just done and can often right themselves. So, I'll try not to tie myself up in knots about something that may not even be of concern later on.

Thank you again.