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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Okay - Question 2 - Competitive Tiredness..

7 replies

Bathsheba · 24/05/2009 09:22

Okay, I'm being convinced that being this tired is normal at 5+5 - however what I DO remember from my last 2 pregnancies is that this is when my DH starts on competative tiredness....

With DD1 I ended up sending him to the Drs because he always just came in from work and fell asleep. I burst into tears at about 12 weeks pregnant because, on a lovely sunny summer afternoon he was "far too tired" to take me for an icecream (I had a romantic notion about him taking his pregnant wife for an ice cream...)...this went on for the entire pregnancy.

with DD2 he was suffering badly from very serious MH problems and made the whole pregnancy horrific for me (not that he could really help it) but again - he drifted in and out of conciousness for the entire time, emaning that I couldn't rest as I needed to look after DD1 and he couldn't do it for me.

How do I convince him that I'm not just being self indulgent and "having a nap" - that early pregnancy brings bone crushing tiredness with it. How do I do it without screaming "Don't start your nonsense about how much more tired than me you are" - I had a 20 minute nap yesterday and could hear him tutting at me for being asleep when he was tired.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
angevee · 24/05/2009 09:36

I'm not sure that you can!
My DH comes home from work every Friday with a headache that is so bad that he has to go to bed for the weekend. He will not see a doctor or have his eyes checked.
If I dare try to have a nap he finds a reason to wake me up and when he's here I sleep on the sofa so as not to wake him up as he works so hard. I am 38 wks and still working with two girls to look after so couldn't possibly be as tired as him.
I hope that your chap is more reasonable than mine. Chin up.

heron22 · 24/05/2009 10:16

hi, it made me mad to read both of your posts. i have 2 LOs and the tiredness when pregnant is absolute. so i hope your partners start giving you support.

i can relate to what you call competitive tiredness DH does that too. it actually becomes a sore point and sometimes we end up having a row about it.

slushy06 · 24/05/2009 10:50

Point out to your dh that the first 12 weeks are the hardest as that is when you grow all the major organs. That by 12 weeks the baby is mostly developed its mostly weight gain and brain development. Also point out the reason you get tired when ill is because your body has to make antibodies, so imagine how tired you are making a person and all the extra blood and giving some of your body's nutrients to the baby. If you show internet sites on the development of the baby it will say that first trimester is usually harder than the second. Also point out there is a reason it is suggested pg women take multi vitamins and people who work long hours are not told to take them.

McSnail · 25/05/2009 10:29

Hi OP - I just wanted to give you some sympathy really. That's so shit - I would seriously feel like leaving my partner if he acted like that.
Even with the best will in the world, men will never know how it feels - it's pretty frustrating.

Bump02 · 25/05/2009 10:39

I just want to say I agree, men are so very annoying. My DP (though the darling bit is hard to say right now) has been an arse on and off, one minute he is all protective and then the next he is cold hearted...I could actually hit him!

He probably thinks I'm upset because I'm pregnant...that makes me angrier

I have just decided to remain calm, and to give him a taste of his own medicine...i'm ignoring him. This weekend for instance has revolved around him, now he has nothing planned today he has already turned into a couch potato. So as he is not bothered about me I am going to go out and shop!!!

Good luck all those ladies who are battling with opposite sex. Just remember...we are the stronger species!!

Bump02 · 25/05/2009 10:40

p.s. I actually feel better now I've had a rant Thanks xx

Penthesileia · 25/05/2009 10:42

Hmm, tricky actually, as you say he has had MH issues. From experience, I know that this can make people very tired (and frequently people also "use" sleep as a means of escaping from the world).

I'm going to suggest a different tack to the others.

Sit down and say to him: I recognise that you are tired. I understand that you are tired and need to rest.

Then say: I am tired too, because the 1st trimester is tough.

Instead of making it a competition, or putting him, or yourself, in the position where you have to "compete" for sympathy or the right to sleep, why don't you both acknowledge that you are knackered and try to find ways round that. Don't fight it, IYSWIM. If he can't look after your LOs because he is tired, and thus resents you napping, which I agree is aggravating and unfair, perhaps you need to look into getting a babysitter for key points during the week.

My DH is always tired. He was like this before DD, and was so throughout my pregnancy and now that she's nearly 1yo.

I've had to accept that he has much, much lower energy and resources than other people, and, crucially, me.

Sometimes it drives me up the wall; but he can't help it. He really is crushingly tired (he also has MH issues, and, I suspect, undiagnosed chronic fatigue syndrome). It's so annoying when I am also shattered, and want a break; but sadly he is not the person who is going to be able to give me that break. It's not a question of him supporting me or not supporting me. He's just physically incapable of it. I just have to adopt other strategies for coping. If your DH is anything like mine, I'm afraid you have to as well.

I really hope you get the rest you need and deserve, somehow.

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