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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

unplanned 3rd baby

26 replies

chocolatefudgebrownie · 19/05/2009 17:56

I have just today found out we are expecting our 3rd dc. I am really worried, as the baby was not planned.

It is very bad timing for us, as we are not really in a position to afford another child. We already have 2 dc's under 4. We also only have a 2 bedroom flat.

Has anyone ever experienced living a flat with 3 dc's? We can't afford to move right now either.

If you can give me some positives to make me feel better about continuing with this pregnancy, I would be v. grateful. Right now I feel confused and scared.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

tessofthedurbervilles · 19/05/2009 20:04

I am in final stages of a very unplanned pg and the only thing I can say is things just work out. Things might not be ideal and financially tight but try to bear in mind situations change and it will all work itself out.

Hydrangea · 19/05/2009 20:08

I knew some friends who had three little ones under 3 in a 2 bed house. I know that's not quite the same as a flat, but still only two bedrooms. They managed fine.
They moved when number 3 was just under a year old. They had a daughter then a son, then another daughter.
The two older ones went to bed in the same room, but they moved the son into the lounge when they went to bed as he woke quite early and would wake his sister up too. The baby was in their room to begin with, I don't know when or if they moved her out.

I am expecting number 3 too. My oldest turns 3 about the due date. It is quite scary as DD2 is so young, but people keep saying how nice it will be when they grow up and can all play together.

Original poster

chocolatefudgebrownie · 19/05/2009 20:12

Thanks for your kind words. It helps to others have been through similar. I know we will cope. My ds was also unplanned. Contraception doesn't seem to work for us!

Our flat is large, 100 metres square (I think) we live by a big park and great schools.. Which is all good.

I just hope my patience will stretch to 3 dc's under 4

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Paolosgirl · 19/05/2009 20:15

We have a 2 year old who wasn't planned - I'm 40, dh is 46, and the DC's are (nearly) 12 and 10. We honestly thought that our baby days were over, we'd started getting back on our feet again financially, and life was becoming more settled.

Well, 2 years on, we have the loveliest bundle of fun who is just adored by us all. Things are not the same, and we are skint again, but our family is a lot of fun and we're rediscovering the fun baby and toddler things we'd forgotten all about.

Life is what you get, I suppose, and somehow, things just work out - I don't know how they do, but they do. I don't have experience of a 2 bed flat, but my mum grew up in a 3 bed flat and there was 7 of them! I can only say to gie yourself time - you're bound to feel confused and scared, but I know that as my pregnancy progressed I began to feel more positive and more accepting, so maybe that will happen to you too.

Good luck - and congratulations!!

tessofthedurbervilles · 19/05/2009 20:16

It will! Chaos for a few years but they will grow together and you will find them a total delight.
Good luck and enjoy your pg x

Paolosgirl · 19/05/2009 20:26

Actually - mum's flat WAS a 2 bed. They converted the living room at night.

RFCMummy · 19/05/2009 20:28

Hiya

Just wanted to sympathise as I am currently 18 weeks with DC3 very unplanned!!! Infact we have had to reschedule our wedding from September to next year to accomodate the new arrival!!

Luckily we have the space at home so not quite the same as you but I will have 3 under 4 and am terrified!!

I do beleive in fate though and things will work out and to be honest kids don't really care about things like house size as long as they are loved and cared for.

Good luck and take care xxxx

Original poster

chocolatefudgebrownie · 19/05/2009 20:32

Paolosgirl - I think we can put a sofa bed in the lounge and make it our bedroom. The dcs can have the bedrooms. I really hope they won't resent living so close together. It was not what I envisaged for my future family life rarely turns out how you'd planned.

OP posts:

ravenAK · 19/05/2009 20:38

Can you physically get 3 in one bedroom?

We've got a 3 bed house, but top floor room has open stairs & I'm too selfish to give up my library , so all 3 dc are in one room - bunks & a cot. It's fine.

We are moving soon, but we've managed until now. They're 4, 3 & 1.

Original poster

chocolatefudgebrownie · 19/05/2009 20:44

RavenAK - if we shift stuff about in the bigger room, we could have them in together. Trouble is I'm concerned they will wake each other. Dc3 will need to be with us for at least 6 months. Perhaps we will be in a better position to move after 6 months

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sleepwhenidie · 19/05/2009 20:46

Same here, have DS 3.9 and DD 11m and found out last week that we are expecting DC3 first week of Jan definitely not part of the grand plan! It happened the day I stopped bf DD , took a chance just once so everyone be warned!

Initially I was really worried and annoyed with myself, DS starts school the same week baby is due, I feel guilty because DD won't have had anywhere near the same time with me as DS had, our flat is also large but not ideal for a family of 5, the list of negatives goes on...and yet...

another baby will be just lovely, hopefully a very close mate for DD, 3 feels like the right number for us and we will be able to get back to doing active stuff we like as a family (walking, skiing, bike riding etc) more quickly. Also I will only have to lose weight and get fit again once (and I am assured that due to the fact that I won't sit still for a minute once I have 3 the weight will fly off me anyway !)

I am also a firm believer in fate - DS was very much unplanned, DH and I had only been together 3 months , but I would not change a thing about my life since he was conceived, couldn't be happier - believe it is for the best and brace yourself for a mad, hectic, fun year or three .

Pepa · 19/05/2009 20:47

Just wanted to let you know I am another one pregnant (8 weeks) with an unplanned DC3. My oldest DC is 3 and my youngest is 18months. Financially we have never been in a worse situation and there are also some health concerns for me, but this is the hand we have been dealt so we figured one way or another we will find our way through this.

I have to admit to having some very frank/upsetting discussions with DH about the "options" during the first week after we found out I was pregnant. The practicalities of 3 just seem overwhelming. In the end I have stopped panicking about the little things (how will I take DS to school and DD to playgroup and deal with a newborn in the middle of winter with no sleep) and am just focused on 'enjoying' my LAST pregnancy!! Maybe its just the pregnancy hormones but for now its working for me!

Paolosgirl · 19/05/2009 20:48

Put the baby in with you for the first few months, and then move them all in together - I bet you find they won't wake up. They will just get used to it - you could even start by moving the baby into their room once you go to bed, so they gradually get used to all being together. You know what - I bet it it will all work out. Things usually, somehow just do.

mummyhill · 19/05/2009 20:51

DS turns 4 and dd moves up to juniors as this unplanned bundle arrives. We are in a 2 bed house and are wondering how we will cope. I have 17 weeks left to try and get my head round it all!

I am sure we will all manage some how. DH has suggested a sofa bed. My dad has suggested changing the bedrooms round and partitioning one of them off. It will be a squeeze but only until we can afford to move when ever that may be.

Slickbird · 19/05/2009 20:52

This was me, this time last year. So I totally sympathise at the shock and uncertainty you are feeling. I have a DD1 - 8yrs, DD2 20 mths and DS 10 weeks. It was a HUGE shock to me as DD2 was only 9 mnths and I just wasn't prepared - we also didn't have a room for him, if it was a him, which it is! I couldn't imagine having another as the pregnancy would be hell (they all were for me) so would the labour and I had just started a maternity cover contract (shouldn't have sat in her chair...). I felt pretty trapped and knew deep down I wouldn't be able to termniate as I just knew I would spend the rest of my life wondering who the wee guy would have been. But, that was MY situation and everyone is different.

What I can say is that it was another tough pregnancy (Although labour was super-fast) and I did have to leave my job whereas I would have ended up staying as it turned out and it IS hard work having them close together, but as the cliche goes, I wouldn't be without him now - he is a little angel (although a very hungry one!) and I really can see that he and DD2 will be play-pals. Esp as I have such a gap between the two girls. We still don't exactly know where he will go when he's 6 months, (tent in the garden? Garage maybe...) but one way or another two of them will share at some point for a length of time. And I'm sure we'll all survive it!

As many told me, there are worse things than a baby turning up at your doorstep.

I really wish you luck with whatever you decide. xx

Slickbird · 19/05/2009 20:53

P.S I should point out we have bugger all money too and just manage from month to month as well.

Original poster

chocolatefudgebrownie · 19/05/2009 21:29

It certainly is a HuGE shock. I am dreading telling people this time that I'm pg. Am waiting for was the sympathetic 'was it an accident' or similar.

I have had a quick scan around the bedrooms and I think fitting another cot in one of the rooms will be ok.

I am terrified at all the thought of noise, sick, sleepless nights etc.. That comes with a newborn. My dd, now 16 months, took ages to settle to a routine and screamed so much for the first 6 months, that I wanted to hand her back I am hoping that it is my turn for an easy baby this time.

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Slickbird · 19/05/2009 21:36

I worried about all that kind of thing as well and it's true, you never know what you are going to get, but hopefully you'll get a good'un! We've only had a couple of nights so far when the two wee ones have been up through the night at the same time, but you just manage. The thing is with a third, I reckon, the are happy watching what their siblings are doing as there is plenty going on for them and I think in some respects this takes the pressure off you a bit. I just need to get mine to sleep through now and things will get a lot easier. (I hope!)

cazzybabs · 19/05/2009 21:41

i am 10 weeks pregnant with unplanned dc4...I organised a termination but couldn't go though with it and not a day goes by where i can't beleive i was so stupid and wondering if i have done the right thing

Original poster

chocolatefudgebrownie · 19/05/2009 21:49

Cazzybabs - I am also wondering whether it is fair to this child to bring it into our current situation. However, I just know I can't go through with a termination. I lost my db at 20, so I really feel, for me, a life is too precious to terminate due to the perceived inconvenience.

We will cope (somehow

OP posts:

Slickbird · 19/05/2009 21:50

cazzy - It's still early days for you, either way. I hope you start to feel better about it soon and that it will prove to be the right thing. I had briefly discussed with my MW early on about a termination, and now looking back, I can't believe I thought about it. But that was our third and not our fourth. I have to say, DH isn't getting near me until he has the snip.

PufferFish · 19/05/2009 21:57

What is it about dc3's? I'm 13 weeks pregnant with our 3rd and unlike the other 2 (conceived with military precision) this one was completely unplanned - still not really sure how it happened ! I just feel so silly admitting that - it's not as though I am a naive teenager! We are really struggling to come to terms with it and although we have a bit more space than you it will mean two of the children 'bunking up' (something I swore that I'd never make my children do after having to share a room with an 8 year old and a newborn from when I was 13 until I left home). Like a lot of the other ladies who are in the same boat, we have never been in a worse financial situation and things are getting pretty hairy. I'm also feeling guilty about DS who will still only be attending school part-time when the baby is due and DD who I was hoping to finaly get to spend some quality time with. And to top it off, I also feel guilty towards this little one that I'm not as happy/excited etc as I feel I should be having been given this gift

rasputin · 19/05/2009 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gigglewitch · 19/05/2009 22:06

re the thread title - is there any other sort of 3rd baby?

We cope. And it is lovely having three of them. gap between first two is almost 3yrs, between 2 & 3 is 2yrs 1mo. TBH the expense isn't significant initially because you've pretty much got everything you need. As time goes on you need to plan and just make sure you don't end up in the position of buying them all shoes at once or anything.

ChocFudgeCake · 19/05/2009 22:10

I know this family with NINE children. They lived for years in a 3 bedroom flat. I met them when they had already moved to the new huge and gorgeous house. They are very happy people. When they told me about their life in the flat, they seemed to think it was funny that there were bunkbeds everywhere. They were not bitter at all. Actually, having met them made me wish to have a large family too. Congratulations on the new baby

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