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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone finding / or found it hard to decide whether to have a homebirth?

27 replies

MarshaBrady · 18/05/2009 15:34

I need to decide today, which feels early as I am due in December. I thought I would have more time to consider which way to go.

I had a good hosp birth with ds, but didn't enjoy really staying after the birth - the next time would hopefully not stay overnight.

Many of my friends rave about homebirths, and on here infact, but I remember last time being very keen to get out of the house.

I am not clear yet on what is best... Anyone else feel they are not sure and how did you / or will you decide?

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Hulan · 18/05/2009 15:47

Hi MarshaBrady. I also had an 'okay' hospital experience first time round and was home on the same day that I had DS. I was really keen on a homebirth then, but my midwife frightened the bejeesus out of me with the 'what could go wrongs', throw in a really panicky DH and we ended up having a hospital birth. This time I'm again really keen to have a homebirth, but aside from a much younger sister who lives with us, I don't have any family and will worry very much about my DS who is a very sensitive little 3 year old.

So I'm thinking that DS will ultimately saw my decision making for me. If I can find someone to look after him then I will fight for my homebirth

Hulan · 18/05/2009 15:48

Sorry saw is supposed to be sway!

Original poster

MarshaBrady · 18/05/2009 15:56

yes you know I was more sure about a homebirth until I spoke with the midwife. I was hoping for reassurance, but she was very wishy washy and I felt less definite after the phone call.

Plus she asked for 100% commitment to the idea (otherwise give room for another woman) and I don't think I can give that quite yet.

Dh is quite keen but I bet he thinks he can stay in bed or go on computer if it's taking ages - cheeky bugger!

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Hawkmoth · 18/05/2009 16:02

Why did she ask for 100% committment???? Seems very strange. You could be 100% committed and then develop a complication, or get high blood pressure... anything can happen. IMO, it's best to say you want a homebirth, because no matter what, you can always turn up at hospital. They are much less keen for things to go the other way round.

Original poster

MarshaBrady · 18/05/2009 16:04

Oh I meant she said that it's fine if there are complications and I have to go to hospital.

BUT she didn't want me to say yes and be say 50/50 and change my mind.

I was hoping for many more months to think about it.

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Original poster

MarshaBrady · 18/05/2009 16:05

I suppose they have limited number of places and once they are full they don't book anyone else.

I am due to meet her tomorrow I would at least like to base my decision on this.

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fruitshootsandheaves · 18/05/2009 16:06

I had to fight for my first homebirth as it wasn't the done thing back then, but I was always determined. I think if you are unsure then it may cause you to panic or to worry. I think you need to be quite sure its what you want, you don't want it niggling away in the back of your mind with everything else that will be going on.

slushy06 · 18/05/2009 16:14

Hi marsha I wanted a homebirth for the same reasons as you don't want to stay in hospital after this time also because I think I will be more relaxed, But my dp is very scared of the idea he will do a homebirth if it is what I want but as he has never complained about anything before I sense that he is alot more anxious than he lets on. So as a homebirth is just something I would like and not really important to me I have decided against it in my circumstances as I feel dp would be to nervous to enjoy my birth at all. He has always compromised on anything v important to me and has offered to do so on this.

Hawkmoth · 18/05/2009 16:15

I'm not sure how they'd work out whether they were 'full' for homebirth or not. It still sounds a bit suspect for me. Anyone is entitled to a homebirth whether they are 'full' or not... and unless you did all your research before you started TTC, seems a bit early to have to decide!

Original poster

MarshaBrady · 18/05/2009 16:24

They are called brierley midwives, so it's that or Kings College hospital.
I can't find out on the web whether they can only take a certain number of women. I could just go with it but she did ask me to be certain.

Slushy that's really nice of you.

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LeftieVegie · 18/05/2009 16:30

Wierd mw you have.

You don't have to decide today. That's just stupid. In fact, you don't have to decide where you want to give birth until you are actually in labour, although it is common sense to ensure your caregivers are prepred. However, if they are not, it is THEIR problem, not yours.

Original poster

MarshaBrady · 18/05/2009 16:32

Good. She really unstuck me saying that.
I was easing myself into the idea, I will meet her tomorrow and keep thinking about what I would like to do.

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slushy06 · 18/05/2009 16:33

I am 32 weeks and I have been told I still have four weeks to decide as they don't even go through your birth plan till then. I am going with a mw led unit kinda in the middle.

LeftieVegie · 18/05/2009 16:38

I would go with the homebirth decision and forget the silly 100% thing. You can't put conditions on it like that. You need to give birth where you are most comfortable to labour well, and you can change your mind a million times as the pg progresses.

Book in for the homebirth, and if you change your mind you still hve the hospital option. There will be lots of questions you'll want answered before the actual birth and these will occur to you at different times etc. and will affect how comfortable you are with a homebirth.

hth

Original poster

MarshaBrady · 18/05/2009 16:41

yep it does thanks (to all). That is exactly what I wanted to do, but 5 minutes into the conversation etc etc.

Goodo.

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Original poster

MarshaBrady · 19/05/2009 15:12

Ok met the midwife today. They are a small team of midwives and typically only book 20 women per month.

I would love to wait to decide, in an ideal world, up to the labour but I am taking someone else's place.

Gah.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 19/05/2009 15:21

Why do you have to decide so early? I am due in September and still ditering. Well that's not true, I want one, dh doesn't...
Say you want one - if you change your mind and turn up at hospital they're hardly going to turn you away!

MarlaSinger · 19/05/2009 15:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belgo · 19/05/2009 15:30

Marsha - I decided to opt for a homebirth, even though I was very undecided. It was always an option for me to go to the hospital, right up until dd1 was born at home! We had told no-one that we were planning a homebirth, so there was absolutely no pressure on me to go through with it if I changed my mind.

I have since had a second home birth.

Original poster

MarshaBrady · 19/05/2009 15:31

A friend used this team and since she raved about them I asked to use them specifically when at the GP.

Can I ask usually how does it work? If you say yes I think I'd like a homebirth what usually happens next? (midwives attached to your closest hospital etc?)

It's good people feel the same way, I have decided not to decide and go along with it. They do give a lot of antenatal care through pregnancy.

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fairylights · 19/05/2009 15:40

sorry haven't had time to read all posts but i had a HB with my first and am planning one for the next (due august) and both times my midwives have really said that i don't need to decide up til 36 weeks and then can always change my mind. can see your set up is a bit different (and a lot better if they do so many homebirths! the mw who delivered my ds had not done a HB in 2 years ) but perhaps you can say that you will go with a HB and then change your mind? hope thats not too sneaky..
i have been surprised how much i had to really think about having a second HB when the first one was such a positive experience, but i think i have realized that you can never know how a pg/birth will work out so its best to be prepared for all options! btw in my area it is the community midwives (who do all antenantal care from the GP surgery) who do homebirths - they are not "from" the hospital. all the best

Original poster

MarshaBrady · 19/05/2009 15:45

So the scenario I am imagining is they book 20 per month. Maximum 25, so anyone else late asking to use this specific team will be turned away (but I assume can use another midwife unit).

I'm thinking this is sounding odd, but maybe it's a diferent process for this lot.

I'm very glad others didn't want to decide up to 36 weeks or labout. That is exactly how I feel!

OP posts:

belgo · 19/05/2009 15:48

It's not sneaky planning for a homebirth and then changing your mind at a later date. It's very sensible to keep an open mind about how you will feel in later pregnancy, and the last thing you want to do is put yourself under any pressure to have a particular sort of birth.

Homebird8 · 19/05/2009 15:49

You don't have to "decide" until the baby is in the world. You can change your mind at any point - even in labour. Tell them what you like and decide later.

smellen · 19/05/2009 15:54

I'm with homebird.
I had a "failed" HB with DS1 (transferred to hospital in middle of second stage labour) and had a forceps delivery eventually, but sure I would have had a CS had I started in hospital. Successful HB with DS2, a lovely experience.
I think it's a bit ridiculous to expect someone to make a decision about this so early, but if you are interested in HBs now, and have an uncomplicated pregnancy, why not?

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