Some of you may remember me from a thread in chat the other day.
I have recently found out i'm pregnant again, totally unplanned, we'd be using contraception and the condom split and for some unknown reason my pill failed too. I'm a single parent of three, and am in a very neww relationship with a lovely bloke. My dc's dad left a while ago, and through his choice has had no contact with dc since. My eldest dc has taken this very very hard and has been having counselling, which is helping tremendously - he's almost back to being the child i knew before.
My new relationship is very new... and we'd been keeping it quiet because i was worried it was a little too soon after exdh, and i was worried what people would think, ect. I haven't even told my friends that i'm seeing anyone.
Anyways, i finally spoke to my fella earlier, and although he was tremendously shocked he was very supportive. I told him that i understood if he wanted to walk away now, and he said he would support me in whatever decision i made. I've asked him to think hard about what he wants to do, and then tomorrow we can chat properly.
I am so torn though. I honestly do not know what i want to do. There are so many reasons not to have this baby... it is far too soon in this relationship... it's hard enough being a single parent as it is without a newborn thrown in... what effect will a new baby have on my already troubled dc? Will they feel pushed out? What will other people think?
But then, having gone through the pain of loosing babies before... i honestly dont think i could have an abortion and live with myself. I'm not against abortion... im just not sure it's for me. But maybe it's the most sensible solution?
I did say to fella that if i were to have the baby then i'd hope that he would be around a lot more - perhaps even move in at some point - as i know i couldn't do it alone - but is that emotional blackmail? It wasn't meant to be. And what about dc... how would they react to having a new man and baby in their lives?
Argh, it's all such a mess, and i really don't have anyone in real life i can talk to abot it.