Help! I'm terrified

[Liney15]

Had a mc last year and just found out that I'm pregnant again - haven't got any children. We've been trying to conceive for a while but now I'm feeling absolutely terrified.

I'm scared of how we're going to cope - that DH only agreed to please me - and now I don't feel sure at all! We've been together a long time 10+ years and we're settled together. I'm worrying about work as I live 40 miles away from where I work and how we can cope with that.

I feel like crying. Anyone else felt like this?

Yep, every single pregnancy. I miscarried twice and have two healthy children. There is, in general terms, nothing you can do to make it any less scary, other than live day to day.

Try to remember that every day the pregnancy continues is a day closer to meeting your healthy baby and that work, your relationships, everything else, just falls into place. You will have good days and bad days, but right now you are just dealing with the sheer bloody shock of having an actual person growing inside you.

It's good. Be happy. Congratulations

Thanks for that whomoved.

I'm really worried about how we'll cope - the responsbility of having another human totally reliant on you. (I tend to over anaylze things admittedly.) But I don't want to miscarry again - arrghh - I think I'm cracking up!

I think I'm happy but then feel petrified again. I think I'm a bit confused.

It is truly a shocking thing finding out you're pregnant, planned or not! IMO what you're feeling is very normal, you're scared on many levels. It's life changing, as soon as you get that positive pregnancy test you're on a different path and new territory, especially with your first. It inevitebly will change your relationship with your DH but not necessarily in a bad way, if anything it brought DH and I closer together, we're having No4 now!

You are also going through MASSIVE hormone changes right now which will be playing havoc with your mood.

There are quite a few threads on here offering support for women who are pregnant after a miscarriage.

Be kind to yourself and as whomoved said, take one day at a time.

Congratulations and good luck

You could be me ! My DP is exactly the same and I felt the same way when I got PG after MC - terrified, weepy, worrying I didn't really want to do it, scared of another MC ...

Perfectly natural and it will pass

Congratulations!!!

I agree with whomovedmychocolate - the things you worry about, the things I worried about, like what hours will I have to do when I return to work after maternity leave so I can spend time with the baby, how will I manage financially on maternity pay? Will we cope after being together just us for so long (we were together 7 years), they sorted themselves out, answers were found gradually and as they needed to be resolved. We were more ready after 7 years than if it had been 2 or 3 or 5, for us, it was the right time.

You won't stop panicking by us telling you all this, as much of it is to do with hormones as much as anything else, and it is you mentally preparing yourself for the enormous change about to come, facing and giving yourself time to face your fears, this is perfectly normal.

You WILL cope, and not only will you cope but you will be great at it, you will learn and adapt as you go along, baby wont be born talking and walking so you have some time to prepare!

Good luck x

I think it is quite terrifying when you are first pregnant. Actually I had quite a similar experience to you - lost first baby then got pregnant again. I think the simple fact is there is never a right time to have a baby, it's a huge leap into the unknown. I was happy to have conceived again so easily, but very apprehensive about the whole pregnancy (especially after miscarrying), terrified at the prospect of giving birth and couldn't imagine how I'd manage when the baby was born. I think that's why women are pregnant for nine months - I gradually got used to the idea, ended up quite enjoying the pregnancy, loving the birth and pretty soon couldn't imagine what it had been like not being a mum. Two years later I did the whole thing again - with similar trepidation I might add - was it the right time to have another? would I cope with two? etc etc. The fact is that before you have children you can't imagine life with them, but once you have them you can't imagine life without them.

Thanks for the reassurance as well Heinz - I'm now taking some deep breaths and calming down a bit. I love my DH - he says he's pleased about this (he's especially pleased I didn't wake him up this time at 6am on a Sunday to tell him).

I know I'm being silly on one hand when I've been desperate to get pregnant - temping etc but then when I found I was - I just thought - Oh my God!!

Oh my word I reply and get all these x-posts!

Thank you so much for all the replies - I'm readign them and realising I'm not the only one to feel like this - I feel so much better. I'm now starting to get all emotional - got tears in my eyes.

Actually I can imagine life without them (several hours once a week to have a bath would be delightful)

So you see Liney, there are very few of us who don't have these fears during pregnancy. Even women who have had no miscarriages, who fall pregnant first try, still worry. It's good training because when the baby arrives, you will worry continually on a wide range of both irrational and rational subjects. And it's entirely normal as well.

This is why mums bond together when they have babies - shared neurosis - no other bugger understands why you are so anxious!

Incidentally, when you have the second one, you aren't as nervous not least because you don't have the luxury of time to worry about it!

Not silly at all Liney. It is fantastic news - thank God for Mumsnet I wish it had been around 8 years ago when I was feeling like you!

Thank you - whomoved - so I have a whole new world of worry to look forward to

Already agreed with DH one is enough! Unless genetics play their way - I have non identical twins running in my family and DH Mum is also a non identical twin.

I'd go totally loopy if I had twins! (I am also an identical twin so remember how difficult me and my sister were).

Its very reassuring having mumsnet here - it helped when i went through the mc - which was horrendous and you all help me calm down now as well.

It may well help you to register for an NCT or antenatal class as soon as possible. Just to meet some others in your situation can make you feel a lot better (and in the third trimester give you someone to sit and eat biscuits with while decrying the crippling side effects of late pregnancy).

Thanks for that whomoved - I think I'd be a bit early for that as I've only just realised I'm pregnant? My period was only due on Saturday and had a positive test that day.

I've now started worrying about mc's again - I think I'd better find one of those threads you mentioned.

Actually it can take up to four months to get a place on an antenatal course so it's better to book it in now. Also do look out for mother and baby groups in your area - most of them welcome mums to be as well and most mums will welcome a helping hand at the group so you'll get to cuddle the babes.

Well I've now booked an appt at the GP's for Monday to get it confirmed and the ball rolling.

I didn't realise it took that long to book a course - I thought they left it till after 12 week scan to check you were still pregnant?

NCT classes are private so you can book them whenever, NHS ones they tend to book you in after 20 weeks but you need to get your name down because they are in short supply.

Expect the GP to be completely nonplussed by your pregnancy! And you won't see a midwife probably till you are 16 weeks gone (yes I know, mad isn't it!)

It depends on your doctors practice as i am seeing the midwife for first appointment at 9 weeks - should be 8 but makes it easier for work this way

Hi Ladies thanks for the advice - been away visiting my Gran in hospital as she's extremely ill. Am worrying about a mc again with the stress.

I did tell my Gran I was pregnant today and she's over the moon - but I'm in floods at the thought she won't see it. It was too early to tell her, I know.