Due in October after losing son last June at 23 weeks , depressed and scared!!!I

[mummylight]

Hello Ladies. Im really interested if anyone else has a similar story to mine. Im a 35 year old, who has two living children. Last June i went into prem labour as i caught a viral infection. 3 day labour, which resulted in my son being born but didn't stand a chance of survival as he was sooo small. He weighed 1 lb and was perfectly formed.I nearly died and had several blood transfusions. All tests came back clear on Henry he was perfectly gorgeous. I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and petrified of the same thing happening again. I can't sleep and cry for my little boy i lost. I visit his grave often but feel guilty about being pregnant again. I hope i can find someone on here that has been through the same. Sorry to go on. xx

I don't know what to say, but can't not say something.

It is still so soon after the loss of Henry, you need to grieve.

x

Hi mummylight, I have no experience of what you are going through but wanted to send you hugs... Do you know there's a bereavement board and a Pregnancy Loss board here? I believe they are very supportive there.

Hi Mummylight, so sorry to hear your story - there is a thread on the pregnancy forum called Pregnancy after Miscarriage (don't know how to insert a link) which is fairly high up the list. I lost my last one, but much earlier than you, but I think there are people on the thread who have lost babies later in pregnancy and that might help you because the people on there are also pregnant again and dealing with feelings surrounding previous losses. Everyone is very welcoming, and it's reassuring to hear other people with similar anxieties and also to see them go onto have more babies.

Hi Mummylight

So sorry to hear of the loss of little Henry. And congratulations on your pregnancy. It's a brave thing for you to do to open yourself up to another little one as all the feelings will come back and be so raw. Don't lose sight of that......

I lost my first at 10 weeks - much earlier and probably quite a different experience, but still the loss of a tiny person and loss of a life that could have been, with all the hopes and love we had - we'd built a whole life in our heads.

I spent the first 12 weeks of this pregnancy in a state of sort of terror, waiting for the same to happen. I got through it by telling myself we were 50% of the way to being pregnant almost (if you see what I mean) rather than definitely and not really attaching to the little one in the same way. I don't know if that was the right thing to do - emotionally it was very tough, i think I was quite depressed for a bit (horrendous morning sickness not helping!) and I remember after my 12 week scan having an evening where I sort of broke down and all the feelings and tension came out.

After the point of the first loss things got better, now I'm 31 weeks, LO is kicking me in the ribs and it feels good - back how things are meant to be. You won't ever forget Henry but I believe you will find peace with your new little one and you will be OK.

Sending huge hugs....

Mummylight {{{{hugs}}}}

I too lost a pregnancy, but like Newb, much earlier than you (at 11 weeks). I still sometimes think of and grieve for that first baby and I'm currently 29+5 with another. I think it's fine - healthy even - to think of your little Henry and to be sad and to grieve. But please don't feel guilty about carrying his little brother or sister. There is room enough in your heart for all four of your children, whether they're on earth or in heaven.

when I was about 8 and my brother 6, my mother was pregnant with a third child. She had major placental abruption around 22 weeks and lost her baby - a little girl - she lived for about an hour and half. My mom couldn't bring herself to try again, because she was so afraid it would happen again. To be honest, I had no idea of the pain that she went through (although I did get some idea when I mc my first pregnancy) but I remember thinking I wish they would've so that we might have a little sibling. So, just think that despite how difficult it is, there are other people who are really excited about this LO - if you can get past the fear, I'm sure you are too.

Take care of yourself and best of luck with your pregnancy.

Hello Mummylight

So sorry to hear about you and little Henry, but it warms my heart to hear you talk of your son as being perfectly gorgeous. I am 35 and have one living child. I lost my daughter at 25 weeks in August. She too was beautiful and perfectly formed and weighed 1lb7oz. I had collapsed at 20 weeks and suffered from a large pelvic haematoma, which required numerous blood transfusions, and I spent 6 weeks in hospital in icu. She was born at 25 weeks after a short and surprisingly happy labour, despite knowing that she had already died.

I am now 8 weeks pregnant, having suffered 2 miscarriages since her birth (I could only focus on getting pregnant, even when my body was obviously not ready). I am at the stage of worrying about having a miscarriage again (though the last 2 were at 5 & 6 weeks)and I know that this will be replaced by worry that the same thing will happen again as the baby gets bigger. The Pm on my daughter revealed that she had suffered significant brain damage, likely to be caused by my collapse and bleeds, but they can't tell me why it happened. I'm at the frustrated stage at the moment of only being given appointments at the EPU and not seeing a consultant until 12 weeks who can give me a detailed care plan.

I'm getting very angry that I am having to go through another pregnancy (and one that is making me very sick and tired) when I should be holding my 6 month old daughter instead. Then I feel guilty about feeling like this because, if this pregnancy works out, I wouldn't want my son/daughter to feel as if they were a replacement. I also want people to see every child I've given birth to as people in their own right.

I think the sometimes conflicting emotions we are both feeling is very normal. I've always said that my grieving process would only properly start once I either got pregant or made the decision to stop TTC.

You will never forget Henry and the baby you are carrying now will always be a little sister or brother to him and to your other children.

I don't always heed my own advice but be easy on yourself. You are allowed to cry and cry for Henry; this is all normal.

Sorry to have gone on & on! V long post

Hello, I lost DS2 at 22 weeks.

I had the same consultant obstetrician for my next pregnancy and he very wisely said to me "Mrs Unfit you won't relax until you have that wee baby in your arms" and I didn't!
It wasn't an enjoyable pregnancy as I fretted over everything. I developed a catchphrase, "I'm know I'm being irrational - but I'm allowed to be" which I quoted to lots of HCPs, with great effect.
It's only natural that the pregnancy will bring back painful memories but you'll get there.
My trip to DS's grave with DD was unforgettable. She will never take his place but she has helped my grieving.

Good luck, I hope you stay strong until you have your baby in your arms too.

Thank you all so much for your kind replys. I will take on board all your comments with regards to getting support on another forum. Im new so haven't worked my way round the site properly yet!! I am so very very sorry for all your loses particularly Toffegal, im so sorry to hear about the loss of your precious daughter. Congratulations on your pregnancy and i wish you all the best. You not only suffered the loss of your precious little girl but you also too nearly lost your life.Big hugs to you. I completely understand about the sickness, i have had terrible sickness and currently on antibiotics for a chestinfection. I am seeing my Obstetrician for the first time in the pregnancy so we will see what he has to say!!! Yes you are right my memory of losing Henry and the ordeal of it all is very scarily raw! and believe me i cry often xxx xxxxxx

Hi Mummylight

Congratualtions on your pregnancy

Come and check out the Knicker Checkers' thread Pregnancy after miscarriage where several of us, like me (23 weeks also) have lost babies at late stages in the past.

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of Henry, and for all the rest of you on here too who have lost babies. Pregnancy after loss can be an anxious road, but it doesn't have to be a lonely one. Grief is a tricky emotion and the feelings can jump out at the most unexpected times. Be kind to yourself but most of all remember this is a different pregnancy, with as good a chance of a happy outcome as any other.

Wishing you all the best please keep posting.

So sorry to hear of your loss Mummylight. I too lost my son last year - we discovered at 21 weeks he had died. I'm now pregnant again - 19 weeks and terrified (even though I've had 3 healthy pregnancies). It's coming up to the anniversary of our son's death and though I know it's a positive thing to be pregnant again, there is so much sadness too. That sense of loss doesn't go away. And I keep thinking it's going to happen again - his death was unexplained. Sorry not to have any words of wisdom or say anything that helps but I wish you the best of luck and a happy, healthy baby. x

I am so very sorry for your loss too mum2jai. Our situation at this moment is so very similar. Henry died on the 1st of June. What date did your little angel leave you, sorry you didn't say a name.

So i am a few weeks behind you in the pregnancy at the moment. I hope they are keeping a close eye on things for you. I too wish you all the health and happiness and a happy outcome. thanks for the reply xxxxxx

Thank you mummylight. We discovered Jai had died on 5 June but he must have died a couple of weeks before. The hospital and the consultants are being wonderful - they've seen me through all my pregnancies. I don't know if it would help you at all, given the circs of your loss are so different, but we found having a foetal doppler, so we can hear the baby's heartbeat regularly, a real help. x

Hi there i no how u feel i lost my little girl ella at 23 weeks she was very disabled but was born a princess. She was gorjus. I go 2 her grave all the time and think about her. I hav just found out im 7 weeks pregnant again due on ist jan and i also feel guilty for geting pregnant again not sure how 2 feel yet. I think you are a very brave lady and i no how hard it is 4 u but if u dnt mind me saying Henry wud want u 2 b happy as people keep telling me. Keep smiling thats wot Henry wud want thats wot helps me get thro the day thinking about ella. Take care xx