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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Find out the sex?

22 replies

SAEJ · 10/05/2009 02:21

So, we are trying to conceive number 2. Despite the fact that I am not even pg yet I am already planning! Really do LOVE to plan!!

With DS we did not find out his sex at our scans opting instead for a surprise and I was really adamant that a surprise would always be the right thing for us, however, must admit that I think I might like to find out this time round.

Most of my reasons are dull, I think this will be my last child and if it is a girl then I could clear out lots of the boy stuff before she arrived.

I still believe it would be a surprise at any time and I must admit that last time I don't think I really appreciated the surprise element as I was just too damn tired!!

If we did find out we would not tell anyone so we could still surprise family and friends.

DH disagrees because he loved the surprise at birth.

Would be interested what anyone else has done and opinions generally??

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SouthernLights · 10/05/2009 04:22

We asked to be told if it showed up on the 20 week scan, and it did, very clearly. We told EVERYONE - except my DH's DF, who specifically asked not to be told because he wanted to be surprised! It was REALLY hard to avoid letting it slip, especially when we started buying stuff. However I think he took it too far as he asked us not to tell other family members who might let it slip to him, and then had a go at my DH when he ignored this instruction and told his grandmother, mother and sister, who were all keen to know.

ninedragons · 10/05/2009 04:44

That seems unfair of your FIL, SouthernLights. My FIL also asked not to be told but took it in good humour when DH accidentally let it slip in the final weeks.

I actually went to great lengths to find out. I was pregnant in China, where it is hugely illegal to tell you what you're having in case you abort your girl and try again for a boy, so when we were on holiday in Australia at around 16 weeks I booked in for a private scan and found out then.

I loved knowing - I got that huge rush of excitement and felt it was the first moment I really started thinking of her as a baby and not a ball of splitting cells.

SouthernLights · 10/05/2009 05:10

ninedragons - we felt the same thing as it meant we could start using the name we had picked out for her and getting things for "her" and not just "the baby".

bibblebobble · 10/05/2009 05:23

We had an amnio both times and opted to be told the sex of the babies. I wanted to know as I wanted to think about the baby as a person and decide on the name beforehand. The first time we tried to keep the sex a secret but DH was hopeless at not saying she the whole time so this time we have told people the sex and kept the name a secret.

SamJamsmum · 10/05/2009 07:03

I had a surprise first time but wanted to find out second time. One of the big reasons was that I felt it would help my eldest to come to terms with it if he could visualise a brother/ sister and we could choose and name and use it in advance.
Honestly honestly I also wanted a girl (first is a boy) and if second was going to be a boy that would be fine but I would want time to come to terms with it. I wouldn't want my first meeting with my new child to be potentially - 'shucks, you're not a girl'.

olivo · 10/05/2009 07:39

we had a surprise the first time (a BIG surprise as i was convinced she was a boy!!) and are waiting to find out 'on the day' this time too. At first, i thought i wanted to find out this time (dh didnt) so that i could prepare dd who 'only wants a sister' but if we had found out, dh would have told everyone and i didnt want that! fussy, moi?
so, we don't know, i have sorted old clothes into 'either' and 'girl' so it will be a case of passing on some bags or not.

good luck with your decision and your pg!

littleboyblue · 10/05/2009 07:42

WE found out the sex both times. Dp didn't want to know with our first, but we found out. I think it's easier to plan that way. For me, it took the shock of having a baby away iyswim. Because I knew I was having a little boy, we named them both before they were born and were more able to think of them as little people than before we found out

lynniep · 10/05/2009 07:55

I found out the sex last time. DH didn't want to know (and wasn't able to come to the scan anyway). So I didn't tell him.

My big mistake was letting people know that I knew. I was constantly nagged at to spill the beans - 'come on I won't say anything' which I knew was a big porky from everyone that said it.
No-one could understand why it wasn't fair that they should know when DH didn't. I stood my ground, except for MIL - DH gave me permission to tell her.

I had no problems myself keeping it a secret, but I think a lot of folk might!

JLo2 · 10/05/2009 09:57

We have always found out beforehand and never been disappointed at not having a surprise at the birth. It's generally the last thing on my mind
However the only time we have told anyone else was with DC1, after that we have always told people that we don't know what we're having. I agree with lynniep that if you don't want to tell people it's very hard if they know that you know. It's very easy to let slip a 'he' or 'she', if they think you don't know it's not a big deal. I've got so used to telling people that I don't know what it is this time round that sometimes I actually forget that I do

staylucky · 10/05/2009 19:25

First time was a suprise, which was cool. In all honesty I can agree with the it not being that great a time to be suprised LOL.

This time I was desperate for a boy and had to know as soon as I could. It's not like i'd have left a baby girl in the hospital laundry or anything (!) but I wanted to get my head around it. Luckily we were told yes it's a boy. Have picked a name, feel like my little girl has bonded with him already and is looking forward to his arrival. Is all cool.

Of course he could still be a girl! Haha

neolara · 10/05/2009 20:12

With my first two dcs we didn't find out the sex. I'm pregnant again and had my 20 week scan recently. I didn't ask, but I looked so I have a pretty good idea what we are having. And now I really regret knowing. I wish I was going to have the surprise.

Longtalljosie · 11/05/2009 06:23

You might not be right Neolara. I went for a private gender scan (we really wanted to know and West Herts PCT) don't tell you. At a scan I'd had a few days previously I'd got a good look at the baby's nether-regions and was convinced I'd seen boy's bits. But shows what I know - it's a girl x

Longtalljosie · 11/05/2009 06:24

Sorry - early morning bad bracket placement - ...West Herts PCT don't tell you).

Gmarksthespot · 11/05/2009 06:46

I found out with all three pregnancies. As scans are not always 100% accurate there is still some element of doubt. I didn't feel disappointed at the birth that I already knew the sex - I was excited and overwhelmed that I just had a baby. I don't think the element of surprise would have added anything extra.

With my 3rd pregnancy I was a little disapponinted to find out at the scan that I was having another boy. I am glad I had that moment of disappointment halfway through my pregnancy and not at the birth.

TotallyAndUtterlyPaninied · 11/05/2009 07:57

We loved finding out, I'll find out every time. It was a lovely day, we were so excited and then we had family round at night to celebrate. We bought lots of things in the right colour, and so did everyone else, and I felt like I had a bond with baby before he even got here.

It's fantastic.

lucky1979 · 11/05/2009 10:14

I agree with Gmarksthespot - we're going to be finding out if at all possible, it's our first so I think having a baby at all is going to be enough of a surprise, so can manage without adding more to it!

cp1980 · 11/05/2009 11:44

I didn't find out with DD and I won't be finding out this time. I couldn't move and was exhausted during labour and DH told me it was a girl and we both cried because we didn't have a clue. I felt it was something lovely for him to tell me and found the element of surprise really kept me going over those last few weeks and even labour.

lastboxoftampons · 11/05/2009 12:30

We found out with this (our first) pregnancy. DH wanted to know, but I didn't. I gave in with the promise that it will be a surprise next time. This one's a boy and I'd love to have one of each - if I found out the next one's another boy at 20 weeks, I think I might be ever so slightly disappointed But I figure you can't be disappointed when someone hands you your new born baby - so I thought it'd be a good idea to have the second as a surprise.

WinkyWinkola · 11/05/2009 12:33

Yes, I need to know the gender. I want to be prepared mentally for which it is. I'm having an anomaly scan in three weeks and will find out then.

But then I'll keep it a secret between me and DH. Everyone else has to wait! Mean? Perhaps but they don't even know I'm able to find out at the scan so.........

Gemzooks · 11/05/2009 12:36

I had DS, then was preg again with second, DH didn't want to know, but I really did, found out it was a girl and was glad to know in advance... I don't see why it's such an issue to find out, after all you're scanned in such detail..

Gateau · 11/05/2009 14:32

Nope, not finding out and I didn't find out with my first either.
I love the surprise!

JLo2 · 12/05/2009 17:24

Hi lastbox I promise you, you will not be disappointed either at birth or at the 20 week scan if you have another boy. You will be just be hugely relieved that everything is ok. I am now expecting DS4 and even though everyone thinks I must want a girl, we were both pleased as punch it is a boy and definitely weren't disappointed. Not looking forward to the looks of sympathy I know I'll get when he's born though

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