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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Widowed Pregnant Friend

14 replies

Tones · 28/04/2009 21:06

Help - a dear friend has been suddenly been widowed..she's 34 weeks pregnant. We are holding a baby shower for her on Monday to show our support. Any ideas on what I could bring as a present?

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sissy0928 · 28/04/2009 21:13

OMG my heart goes out to her!! How about a scrapbook for the baby to remember Daddy? I'm so sorry for her, I hope she is ok emotionally and physically!

BikeRunSki · 28/04/2009 21:14

I have no idea what you can bring her (I gave my friend a bath thermometer) but what an awful situation. Poor, poor girl. Lots of hugs and kisses and moral support go without saying.

What about something practical - fill her freezer before the baby is born; nappy deliveries, shopping deliveries, a cleaner after the baby is born? "Pledges" of what you can all do for her - babysit, cook a meal, bake a cake, wash the nappies, take her out, visit, grown up chat....

staylucky · 28/04/2009 21:21

I like the scrapbook idea above, I really don't think anything material is gonna be much use. Like BikeRunSKi said also practical help would probably be best.

Thoughts with you, what a horrible situation x

Sn0wflake · 01/05/2009 18:31

This has made me cry.....so sad.

I think pledges that you will be there for her would help.

ShowOfHandsNoLongerKissesKunes · 01/05/2009 18:34

My dear friend's dh died when she was 38 weeks with her dc3 and it floored her. I think practical help to get through the last days of the pregnancy and the first months of the new baby were the best things.

Your poor friend.

Littlefish · 01/05/2009 18:35

Did you know her dh well? Could you all write a message in a book for the baby, with your best memories of his/her daddy?

Perhaps also some IOUs for things like

A night in with the girls
A night's babysitting
A home cooked meal within the first 3 weeks

Thant sort of thing.

mogwai · 01/05/2009 18:42

get her a maternity nurse to help her through the first few weeks??

What a dreadful situation. My heart goes out to her.

lalalonglegs · 01/05/2009 19:15

I feel quite sick thinking about it and agree a pair of booties and a receiving blanket aren't going to cut it. Pledge support and mean it would be best.

anjlix · 01/05/2009 19:21

maternity nurse, food in the fridge, some one to come over to her house for moral support every day for at least 6 weeks, help her with cleaning. Material stuff is good but she needs emotional support more than she needs those cute/expensive baby clothes.

Nekabu · 02/05/2009 08:18

Everyone else has made wonderful ideas so I can't think of any extra except for telling her about Mumsnet. There seems to be an awful lot of support on here for those who need it and your poor friend sounds as though she can do with all the support she can get. Even if she just wants to offload and scream on here sometimes it may help. If you're worried about her seeing this thread; as mn to remove it.

mrz · 02/05/2009 08:31

My husband died shortly after I became pregnant with my daughter (she was born almost 8 months after her daddy died) and I think the scrapbook is a wonderful idea. Obviously my daughter has no memories of her father and occasionally makes comments to her older brother such as "at least you saw your daddy..." (my son was almost 5) I've always made a point of sharing memories with both children as I feel it is important they "know" him and he is part of their lives.

Original poster

Tones · 19/05/2009 21:58

I just wanted to thank you all for all your ideas. I have seen a lot of my friend since I wrote my original post and, all things considered, I think she is doing as well as can be expected. The baby shower went well. I don't think her baby will want for anything as all her friends so so keen to help out.

Fortunately, she does have a maternity nurse lined up for 2 weeks but I will make sure that she has all the practical help I can offer (food in fridge, cleaning etc..).

MRZ/Sissy - I will organise the scrapbook for the baby.

Thank you again ax.

OP posts:

sockmonster · 20/05/2009 08:36

Hi just to say that the scrapbook and maybe a letter to the baby (sealed in an envelope) from you telling the baby all the good things you remember about his/her daddy would be a nice idea.

For your friend, maybe something boring like a gift card for somewhere like mamas and papas or something (sounds wrong, but shopping can be great therapy and could temporarily take her mind off of it).

My father died while my mother was 6 months pregnant with me, and I have only ever had one photo of him and have little idea of what he was like. My mother's best friend, however, told me a few stories about him one time and about his sense of humour and character, and through that I feel like I know what his essence was and that has been very helpful to me.

peachyfox · 20/05/2009 12:50

A friend of mine was recently widowed - their baby was 7 months old at the time. Similar idea to the scrapbook, but we set up a blog. Everyone posted messages about the dad, to her, etc. and uploaded all their photos. It gives us somewhere to go to when we need to think about him, and if we remember a story about him, we post it. It can stay up indefinitely.

I think it has been a great comfort to all of us, and his baby will one day be able to read it and understand what a great man dad was.

We also raised a fund.

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