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I have 3 children at school, I'm pregnant and 38 help!!

12 replies

Rhiannon · 20/04/2003 16:36

Hi guys, I'm posting this for a shy friend.

She's just found out she's pg with no 4, due in November the other 3 are at school full time.

She's feeling a bit low. Help and constructive advice this way please.

OP posts:

Rhiannon · 20/04/2003 16:37

Me again, she is also desperate for a girl.

OP posts:

Rhiannon · 20/04/2003 16:38

But still doesn't know if she wants a baby at all.

OP posts:

Gilli · 20/04/2003 18:26

Rhiannon - please tell her I did it too,last May, at the age of 41 and with a seven year age gap!. My children are 12, almost 10, almost 8 and 11 months. They were all at school and a sort of accident happened, in that I had got a little broody and a little reckless. It was a shock at first, and I found I tired much more easily, but generally it was a breeze. The best bit - and this is important - is that all the problems and concerns I had with the first 3 as babies just didn't occur, as I seem to be older, more experienced, and much calmer with her. This means that she is very settled and very easy. She was even the only one I successfully breast fed for the first few months! I really feel like I had a chance to do it all again, but properly. My children (2 boys and a girl) all adore her, and she is besotted with them, which makes my life much easier. Some things are more awkward, like cinema visits in school holidays etc, but generally it has been much less of an upheaval than I thought. I wish her love and luck and hope she starts to enjoy herself. Also tell her my sister, after 3 boys, aged 10, 7 and 3, found herself really accidentally pregnant and since money was very tight they almost considered an abortion, but persevered and had a little girl who is now 2. I know they have struggled from time to time but couldn't be happier.HTH


judetheobscure · 20/04/2003 18:29

Hi. Don't know if I'm going to be helpful or not. I have four children, two at school, two not. I love the large family, watching all the interactions, never a dull moment. They play together, sometimes argue, but they're there for each other, and hopefully always will be.
My sister had three at school when her fourth came along. The older ones love the baby although dsis does say it's a bit of a hassle dragging the baby to the after-school activities.


Gilli · 20/04/2003 20:06

judetheobscure - I SO agree with your sis about after school activities - that's when any help I can be given is always grabbed at...i think the upside is going to be that when Bella is in Year 3 my eldest will be able to drive her to school!


suedonim · 21/04/2003 04:17

Rhiannon, I was 42 when I had my fourth baby, and my other children were 9, 17 and 21!! I agree with what Gilli and Jude have said - I'm sure your friend will have lots of help from her other children. I won't tell fibs and say it's been easy having No4, as she has been very demanding, but I am almost 100% sure that is due to her character and nothing to do with family placing or anything. Good luck to your friend.


Rhiannon · 21/04/2003 21:07

More support this way please!

OP posts:

saphire5 · 21/04/2003 23:36

Rhiannon,im sure once it sinks in she will feel ok about it.I have 4 children and when i found out about my last pregnancy my others were 9 7 and 5.
My youngest is nearly 6 now and my oldest is 15, and im so broody,i would love 1 more baby and dont know whether to go for it or not.I know most people would probably think i was mad for wanting another one but i cant help my feelings.My others would love another baby in the house and my dh would agree if i really want to go ahead.Is there anyone out there in the same position as me, or who already has 5 children,or just someone who can give me any advice or answers...PLEASE...What should i do?


Copper · 22/04/2003 13:52

If the children are a real joy to you, why not? I know someone with 9 children between 25 and 1, who is an absolutely brilliant mum and her kids are really lovely. She and her husband had four, then a gap, then another 5, because they decided this was one thing that they were really good at. (I don't mean the begetting, I mean the bringing up!)

my mum had 3 kids in full time school and a fourth when she was 42. She's 81 now, and behaves more like a 60yr old. She said having my sister kept her young.


mum2toby · 22/04/2003 14:03

My Mum had 2 more kids after my sister and I. The first was born when I was 11 and my sis was 13. The 2nd was when I was 14 and sis was 16!!!! It was GRRRRRRRRRREAT! I loved having babies about the house. Even the night feeds (the 2nd slept in my bedroom) didn't really bother me.

I still love having brothers that are so much younger than me and they love the fact that they are uncles to my ds at such a young. My youngest brother is still at primary school.

For me being a child in that situation it was wonderful and I wouldn't change it for the world!!


MaVictoria · 30/04/2003 23:50

Am pregnant with my 4th now, due in 8 weeks. am a single parent Rhiannon and have 2 at school and one at home. I have considered every which way i can to be able to cope with no 4 and tonight i drew up at job list with 5 small jobs each for the older children to do starting day will be saturday, they will each get £6.00 pocket money and i will have a little less to worry about domestically so we all gain a little something from it. Plus i have worked on a routine which works for us all for e.g what time the kids come in, homework done, baths, school bag prepared for next day and family time to discuss or share any worries or achievements from the day and when they all go to bed and leave me in peace for some time to myself. Staying comitted to the routine we all agreed on and respecting each other will bring organization to the household, if anybody doesnt keep within this agreement, chaos will occur and i will have to point out why by not sticking with it causes chaos which will teach the kids that compromise and committment as well as co-operation is the only way to live comfortably and harmoniously.
I believe that if you have the ability to be in control of your life and your responsibilities it is possible to manage quite well, i just have to put my theory into practice but maybe this will help your friend i dont know...maybe she and i could keep in touch andgive each other some support if she is continuing with the pregnancy,I spent the first 14 weeks trying to decide what i was going to do...the day i was going for a termination was the date they gave me to have a scan too....I am glad I continued through the pregnancy, it was the right thing for me to do.I am sure your friend will make the right choice for her.


janh · 01/05/2003 13:07

Another one here, Rhiannon - I had my 4th when I was 42 and the others were 11, 8 and 5 - he was the most adaptable baby, constantly whizzing in and out of the house/car to take the others places didn't bother him at all, and the older ones loved him to bits and were always happy to hold/feed/take him out in his pram round the block.

Like Copper's mum I think having an extra one helps keep your attitude young (if not the rest of you!) and like jude I love all the interaction between them.

Also he is a character - much older than his age (10) in some of his comments, partly from being around the older ones and partly from being exposed to some of their TV and magazines - and he makes us laugh a lot.

The one downside, which I think suedonim has experienced too, is the lack of a network of similarly-aged friends with similarly-aged children; he had a somewhat solitary toddlerhood and was not good at mixing/sharing when he first went to playgroup/nursery/primary.

Lots of luck to your friend, anyway!

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