Tell or Not Tell

[LauraKB]

Hi Ladies

I am in a quandry and was looking for some opinions.

I am around 8 weeks just now and am Maid of Honour at my friends wedding at the end of June.

We got our dresses at the end of January and I am now very stressed it won't fit. It is relatively generous so I am crossing everything I might get away with it.

Anyway the point is should I tell my friend and her Mum (who I am also friends with) sooner rather than later so we can look at contingency arrangements or should I wait as I would rather not tell anyone until I am 12 weeks.

Half of me thinks it will either fit or it won't so when I tell them doesn't matter but the other half thinks we might need as long as possible to get a dress sorted as they don't really have them in the store anymore so will be very difficult to get it in a bigger size.

I have a scan next week so am toying with the idea of telling her Mum at least if that all goes according to plan.

What do you think?

Sorry for the long post!

Speak to the Store and see if they could keep a bigger one aside?

I think I would tell your friend (in strictest confidence). You'll be around 20 weeks by the wedding so will almost certainly have changed shape by then!

What's the style of the dress? Depending on the style it may not matter, but even if it's not that fitted around the waist, it might be tight over the bust. When I was pg with dc#1 I put weight on in places I didn't expect (eg tops of arms) and my back just seemed to get wider too.

Maybe the dress could be altered nearer the time?

Oh and congratulations on your pg

I have spoken to a number of the stores and they don't have any bigger ones in the right colour.

Well they have one which is 4 sizes bigger than the one I would be looking for but I don't think you would be able to take it in enough.

I am also prowling ebay to see if one pops up the right size and colour!

It's empire line, so is not too bad from that point of view. Its also bustier style with detachable straps so thankfully don't have to worry about sleeves.

It wasn't super tight at the bust so I am crossing my fingers I should still be able to squish them in even though they are bigger.

Will hopefully be 17 weeks by the wedding.

i would say something, as honestly by 20 weeks i was well into maternity clothing so the dress may be an issue. having got married recently if one of my bridesmaids were pregnant and due to be over 3 months by the time of the wedding I would like to know. i am sure she would keep it in confidence. I told a couple of friends and my mum as soon as i got a positive and noone else found out until I was 3 months and announced it.

good luck!

Thank you. It is hard keeping it myself! We have only told our Parents (not even brothers and sisters!)and my boss (who is very good and understanding).

I think lots of people may have guessed already though as I'm quite slight and am pretty bloated now!

Am going to try the dress on again tonight under the premise of 'seeing how high it comes up so I can buy a new strapless bra to go under it' so we'll see if I can fit my bust in it! If I can't then I will definitely get on the case of getting a bigger one eventhough to stores that have them are all about 500 miles away from where I am, literally!

Think I may have no choice other than to tell after next week.

The only thing is there are 4 of us who are quite close and I would fell bad telling the bride and not the other 2. However the difficulty is one of them has a gob like the channel tunnel and everyone would know within 5 minutes if I told her!! Lol.

Honestly I would tell her. My bust went up 2 cup sizes in the first 3 months and another 1 in the following 2 months. I have been amazed at how even my most ample clothes haven't even come close to fitting me. There are some gorgeous maternity bridesmaid dresses on-line do both yourself and your friend a favour and start looking now!

My maid of honour was about 4/5mths pregnant at our wedding and as I knew in advance it meant the dress could be sorted and she was comfy ( ISH) on the day. It is lovely now to look at her lovely 10 yr old and think, you were a bump at my wedding!

I'm not planning on not telling her before the wedding!! The latest she would know is 5 weeks before.

Oh I had this problem when I had DD - I was one of 6 bridesmaids and the dresses where bought at christmas from Debenhams in the sale, and all fitted, etc. The wedding was August and we got married in the May and I was pg at the end of May, and would have been 14 weeks at the wedding. We told them when I was 8 weeks, and I asked for the dress to try on about 6 weeks before the wedding, and it would go nowhere near me. Suffice to say there was trouble, albeit polite, but I did not fulfill the role, as I could not get a dress similar to fit, the dress had no options to alter it, and it would have been obvious if I was in a different dress, so I stepped down and left the other 5 to it!

I was very hormonal and found the whole experience distressing, and the day was awkward, as family kept coming up to me seeing how I was, etc. I was not showing too much, but felt that I was taking some of the special day away from the bride. I was only in a few of the family wedding photos, when I would have been in quite a few.

I really think you should have a quiet word with the girl's mum, as the stress levels at weddings are bad enough, and this could go either way. It would be better to get all the tears and fuss out of the way now, rather than nearer the wedding, when it is too late to change much.

Good luck with your pg!

Andirobo that is so funny because our dresses are from Debenhams and bought in January!!

Mines an 8 and they don't seem to have a 10 or a 12 anywhere!!

That was such a helpful post and has made up my mind. I am going round this morning anyway to try the dress on and I think I am going to tell because at least then I will know how it has gone and whether she disapproves etc.

Thanks again for your support!!

L, x.

Please come back and let us know how you got on!

Hey Everyone

Well I told her and it couldn't have gone better. She was really pleased for me and not annoyed about the 'cat among the pidgeons aspect' so that was a relief. The dress I have at the moment still fits me (just) but there is no way its going to by the wedding.

I am currently in the process of tracking down a bigger dress and Debenhams in Wimbledon (the only place that has one) are debating about whether they will send one out to me or not because its not something they normally do.

If anyone is near Wimbledon and can pick it up for me that would be great!!

The only other option is for me to get a size 18 and try and have about 3 feet chopped out of it!!!

That's great news that you told your friend and it all went so well! Good luck getting a larger dress ...

Really pleased for you! I hope you get the dress sorted - maybe the size 18 may be an option as at least there is scope to re-build it to the correct size! It is hard to imagine how your shape will be for the wedding! At least you can get on and enjoy your pg and the wedding!