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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Feeling sad just found out i'm pregnant

12 replies

JK10 · 10/04/2009 22:59

Just found out i'm 5 weeks pregnant and feel really down and sad. I know i will love the baby as i do its siblings but had such bad experiences during both my previous pregnancies with my partner messinng around when i was 8 mths.

This was an unplanned pregnancy which was stupid i know, Our sex life is still almost non-existent since all the hit the fan last time. We had a very drunk night out and he usually uses protection, i was completly oblivious to the fact he hadn't and is a major shock now i find i'm pg.

Just the whole thought of going through hell is completly over taking me. I was just starting to get things back together and feeling good about myself and now gonna have another fat 9 mths, and mths of worry.

I know i'm sounding completley selfish and thinking of me and not the baby but just so emotional and cant get it out of my head! Any advice? or does anyone know if its normal to feel like this during early pg anyway?

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TheDOGmamma · 10/04/2009 23:02

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Original poster

JK10 · 10/04/2009 23:07

Were getting alot better but know this has happened its kinda bought all the old stuff back up again. He's kinda got the attitude well it wasn't planned so either we go ahead have it or if you gonna have a problem with what he's done in the past then book an abortion! That is something i just couldn't do. Just could do with him being more supportive and caring really!

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solidgoldshaggingbunnies · 10/04/2009 23:13

It's not that unusual to feel like that when PG with a planned and longed-for baby! Obviously your situation isn't thegreatest, but please bear in mind that you are full of raging hormones right now and be kind to yourself.
Best of luck with it, however things turn out.

Original poster

JK10 · 10/04/2009 23:21

Thanks for replies! I'm usually a really strong minded person and never feel down! Just want a normal pregnancy without any dramas. Hey i guess i'll get there!

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RaspberryBlower · 11/04/2009 07:34

I'm hoping to have another baby but I had a traumatic pregnancy and PND the first time, so I know I'm going to have mixed feelings and anxiety if I do get pregnant.

What you're feeling is perfectly natural.

You will get there.

flightattendant19 · 11/04/2009 07:42

Oh God I know how you feel, he sounds really unsupportive and you're right, you do deserve more than that. You must be feeling very anxious and alone.

Do you feel you want to remain in the relationship, albeit difficult - and have you got any good friends whom you can tell you're feeling rubbish and maybe they will bolster you a bit during this pregnancy, fill in the spaces where he should be comforting you?

Really sorry you're going through this. xx

SpaceTrain · 11/04/2009 08:45

It ttok me a long time to connect to this, my second, pregnancy, even though it was a much wanted baby. We had trouble conceiving and when I did eventually fall pregnant we weren't trying so it was a bit of a shock. IT took until I was about 25 weeks to feel any sort of emotional connection, but now I love my baby desperately and can't wait for the birth. I get hideously affected by pregnancy too, but it's either not been quite so bad this time, or else I am taking it in my stride more.
So don't worry too much - it's not uncommon to feel the way you do. And 9 months is a long, long time - so the chances are that you will be feeling very differently about the baby by the time it is born.
Try to give yourself some little treats throughout the pregnancy to perk you up - even something like a nice body moisturiser which you slather yourself in every so often can do wonders to lift your mood.
Good luck.

tessofthedurbervilles · 11/04/2009 09:38

Finding out you are pg throws up masses of conflicting emotions and it isn't always happy clappy 'isn' it wonderful?!' so you end up feeling bad for that.
I know many people who have had conflicting feelings during their pg but go on to have a lovely dc.
Your partner sounds very clinical and black and white about the whole thing...lucky him not to have raging hormones and feelings all over the place...he needs to accept that his past behaviour impacts on the future so therefore needs to give you some extra support.
I hope you will be ok x

DawnAS · 11/04/2009 09:39

JK10,

Sorry that you're going through this hun.

My Dsis had a similar situation. When she was PG with her first baby, she found out that my BIL was having an affair, when she was about 8 months PG.

As it turned out, even though he'd been seen out with someone else, she decided to believe his story and stay with him.

They are still together now and have since had a second child, but in between the two DC, they started their own business which meant that they were together most of the time. But I really think, even if that hadn't happened, they would have stayed together because he realised his mistake.

They are now very happy with their 2 DC. Do you really think that your DH would do it again, or did he really regret it last time.

The last thing you want is to be worrying about this for the next 9 months, would joint counselling help?

I hope that you find an answer to this hun and can start to look forward to your DC number 3.

Look after yourself.

xxx

brutusbaldwin · 11/04/2009 09:46

Dd3 was unplanned and a total shock (Failed contraception).When I found out I was expecting I was gutted. I spent the first 5 months just getting through it.My husband was suffering from depression at the time which made me feel like I was on my own with this. Termination did crossmy mind- but I knew I could not go through with it.I can't tell you how alone I felt. All my peersand friends were either young, free and single or their youngest child was 6 likemine. They were all just coming out of the fog and I was entering in again. I found it hard to see any positives at all.

I don't want to put a bow on the end of this story- however she is now one and we all caould not imagine life without her. the joy she has bought and the lessons we have learnt are immeasurable.

Hang on in there.

beautifulgirls · 11/04/2009 11:06

Have you spoken to your partner about this yet? What are his reactions?
What you are feeling is normal - like the other ladies say here hormones are taking over right now. You need to talk this through though and find out how much support he is going to be for you and you need to feel confident in your own mind that he is going to be there for you. If he can not give you that reassurance that you are doing this together then you should give some very serious consideration to whether or not you want to stay with a man that treats you like that. It might sound like a really scarey option right now but this is not just about him being allowed to do what he wants. It took two of you to create this baby and he should accept his role in it.

I hope you can find some answer soon - good luck.

Original poster

JK10 · 11/04/2009 13:09

Thanks guys! Appreciate the advice, i'm sure i will begin to feel better about this when i'm done with the 1st 12 week stage. You're right i need to think through my whole relationship and my hormones are pretty mashed! so can only get better, (i hope!)

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