Help me help my daughter who is 9 weeks pregnant and spotting after previous miscarriages

[catchya]

Hi and thanks for reading. Is there anyone here who has had the same thing happen. I sit on the internet trying to make sense of how my daughter can have the amount of loss she does and Dr can not explain. Still having normal weekly scans with strong heartbeat but is so hard for her. I wish I could do this 20 times over for her to save the heartbreak. Any response is welcome.

Please can I give you some hope. After unexplained miscarriages I became pregnant once again, bleeding at 7,and 9 weeks, and a large bleed at 12 weeks. He is currently 7 years old, beautiful and running around upstairs! Much love to you, please dont give up hope.

I had spotting with both my boys, i had 1 misscarriage before my first son and then 7 miscarriages before my second son was born, but i had spotting through both pregnancies, it was unexplained.

I hope things work out for your daoughter and family.

Thankyou so much. After having no trouble through my four pregnancies many years ago. I cant begin to understand what people go through however to watch someone you love so much suffer it is also very hard. Each morning I wake up and my daughter hasnt rang with bad news is a bonus but I dread every weekly scan I attend with her and her husband. Each day for her is a nightmare and not sure how to help but be here. Thankyou

How awful for both you and her. I hope everything works out for her; it must be terribly hard for you to watch her going through this.

Your poor daughter. May I just say she is very lucky to have such a wonderful mum. You are cearly doing everything you can to help and support her and that is just what she needs. I had 2 miscarriages a few years back. When I fell pregnant for the third time, I was so scared, I can't even begin to explain the joy I felt at being pregnant but at the same time the fear that was stopping me getting my hopes up. I started bleeding whilst at work, I went straight to hospital, and the bleeding slowed down. They ran some blood tests which came back fine and I was sent home. The next 5 weeks were the worst ever waiting for the 12 week scan. Now I have an adorable 20 month old boy, who makes my heart melt.
We tried for another baby when he was 9 months old, and I m/c at 6 weeks. I fell pregnant again 5 weeks later and now have a beautiful 9 week old boy too. So there is hope, I know this is just the most awful thing at the moment, but it really is possible to go on to have healthy pregnancies and babies after m/c history.
FWIW< my friend bled throughout her entire pregnancy, and from what I can gather it was quite alot, almost like a full on period every month.

Thankyou and yes it is a very trying time with no answers but I remain hopeful. I am concerned more for her emotional state as well. After each positive weekly scan I attend with them I go directly to the baby store and I ask her to pick something out for me to purchase. I'm not sure if this is a good thing for her or not but I feel we have to still remain positive about this pregnancy and it is the only time I am allowed to mention it unless she starts a converstion. She remains unattached I think. I understand this also.

Does your daughter suggest the trip to the baby store, or do you? I only ask because it's very difficult when you go through these things to not feel you are dissapointing everyone and letting everyone down iyswim.
She has to deal with this however she feels is right and if that's detattchment then I think that's fine.

After her first positive test she told me and she was happy. 1 week later she started spotting so I took her to her scan 1 hour away where all the shops are. We thought she had started to miscarry and were delighted to find a heartbeat we went shopping and she picked out a cot blanket for luck. The next week two clots and much spotting another positive scan with strong heartbeat we took her husband on her request back to the same shop. Each week we pass the same shop and I guess we just go in. Anything is worth a try. It is for luck and she doesnt ever reject me going in. I certainly would never want her to feel she has to. Perhaps we shouldnt as there is no expectations from me I just want to help her through this. Maybe its not the right thing it just happens.

That sounds nice though, if she can pick things out for luck, It shows she hasn't lost all hope either. How far along is she now?

Sorry, I know it's 9 weeks because of the thread title. Have to excuse me being a bit stupid
I was told with my successful pregnancies that it is alot harder for the heart to sop beating once it's started than to not start at all, so the fact that you have seen a heart beat is a good sign in itself

9 weeks 1 day. A long time to go. She will have no peace until she holds a baby in her arms. We only want happiness for her and to able to have a baby will bring this. As a parent watching it is very difficult not knowing what to do for the best.

Yes I have also reserched the statistics and found out more than I ever knew with my own pregnancies. One scan was all we ever had, and the frustrating part is technoligy has advanced as has reserch why can they not do more to assist.

I know. I couldn't relax through ds1's pregnancy at all. I started bleeding again with him at 33 weeks too, and yes the relief when he was here and safe. I just saw your other thread about the insensitive doctor. It is horrible when you get one like that and just because there isn't actually much they can do, it's not right that they can't show a bit of compassion, how would they feel if it was them or their wife/daughter, they wouldn't be so cold then would they?

It sounds as if you have been through terrible times as well. Do you ever fully recover from a miscarriage. I am concerned for her as her first miscarriage was pardon the expression the worst as she delivered fetal matter whilst in the shower. Sorry if this is too much info. And now this is on her mind constantly.

Gosh, that sounds awful. Your poor daughter. I'll be honest, I still think of those that I lost on what would have been the due date and have a think about what they might have been like. They would have been 5, 4 and 4 months now. It does get easier but \i don't think you ever fully recover or stop blaming yourself though. Someone said to me after my first m/c "Lisa lost our first baby, but if that one had gone full term, we wouldn't have Daniel, and there isn't and will never be a child more special than Daniel".
I didn't really understand it at the time, but when I look at ds1, I know that he wouldn't be here if my other pregnancies had gone full term, so a part of me now accepts that they happened so I could have these boys, if that makes sense.

As unreasonable as this sounds, it makes me feel like I really deserve my children. Not that people who have a smooth time from day one don't but i have been through heart ache to get my much wanted family and i truely hope your daughter does too.

Yes it does thankyou, I think the more I read the more I understand the more I may be able to support her. I too think of the dates she has been given for past pregnancies and I am unsure whether to mention them to her or let her try and forget. (Not possible) Maybe not dwell is the word I am looking for. This time I think that is why I fell it is important to acknowlege this pregnancy and if she has a room full of things we have purchased for her baby it will signify it means something. Do you think it is the right thing to do?? She has another scan on Tuesday and the days pass so slowly. You must be very busy with your boys so close together and what a delight they must be to you.

I don't think there is any right or wrong way to get through this or deal with what's happened. Some people will want to surround themselves in baby things in the hope that it will show the powers that be how much we want it and others will want to try to forget about it until the 'safe' date arrives.
I remember those agonisingly slow days waiting for the scans, not knowing what will happen. I have spent a fortune on tests, I would do a test every couple of days thinking that if I wasn't pregnant anymore the line wouldn't show up, I'd be in the bathroom every 15 minutes checking for negative signs, there is mothing that will help her relax though is there.
If getting a room ready for her baby is the way your daughter wants to handle this, then that's fine. I'm sure all her pregnancies havemeant something regardless of the outcome and they will never be forgotten.
I always found making plans for something else the day after the scan heklped the time pass, like booking a night for dinner with my friends for the wednesday, or if my favourite tv program was starting their second series the day before (ws Prison Break) and other things like that helped take my mind off the scan times, just for a few minutes, but it all helps.
You've said yourself she has not got this far before so hopefully this time, something is different.

There is (for me anyway) alot of self blame hat comes with a mc, you ask yourself things like, what's wrong with me? Why can't my body do what it's supposed to do? Am I being punished? And you can convince yourself that it is all your fault and there must be something you're doing. These may or may not be some of the things that run through her head in those dark hours of the night. What sort of person she is will determine if she will want to talk about them or even this pregnancy.

Yes I see what you say and it makes sense. Have just this moment thought of something to occupy her thoughts if only for a few moments. She was studying nursing and her first round of clinicals she had to sit in on an abortion 2 weeks after her m/c. She is a very strong person. Thanks heaps

Sorry, I have to go, both ds's have just woken up, one for a feed the other has a viral infection. Will check in later. x

Cheers thanks heaps and enjoy those babies

catchya, I'm so sorry to hear about what your daughter is going through - pg loss is devastating and I don't think you do ever truly 'get over' it, as you never get over any bereavement.

I lost twins at 7 wks and then another baby 6 mths later. Both pregnancies were IVF which made the loss, for me, even more devastating .

However, a year on I had my 3rd IVF and got pg again - I bled constantly though the first 12 weeks and each bleed was horrendous, the stress was impossible to explain. I also felt very 'detached' and found it extremely hard to accept that I was going to have a baby. This didn't go away until after my 20 wk scan. We didn't decorate the nursery until after DS was born.

I am now 11 weeks pg - amazingly this baby was naturally conceived - and again it has been incredibly stressful. Although this time round I have had only one tiny bleed at 5 weeks and that was it .

I wish your daughter all the luck in the world and hope that in a few months time she has that precious baby to hold in her arms and can use all those little baby bits you have chosen together.

Thankyou I never will totally understand the heartbreak of you all but intend to be there for her through it all. It must be really hard for you at the moment and I wish you all the luck in the world because I think that is what it comes down to in the end. 11 weeks sounds really promising and sataistics are great. cheers

Thank you catchya and yes, you're right - it is all about luck and some of us are luckier than others. Some people make having a family look so easy, others struggle for years.

But luck can change and I hope that this will happen for your daughter too.

Hi catchya, you sound like a lovely mum. I have had three mcs, I have since had 2 boys but I bleed loads at several points in both they pregnancies and never got answers to why I bleed. How many mcs has your daughter had?
I dont think you ever get over the babies you lose, but it does get easier to cope with. My first baby would be 10 this June, I will never forgot the date I mc or my due date. I still occassionally talk about them and look at my scan pictures. But its not in a morbid way, its more a positive way. It was a major part of my life those 4 awful years and they have shaped the person and mother I am today. I would take the lead from your daughter and be ready to listen if she wants to talk. I also think it is good to acknowledge the babies. Very often after a mc you are left with nothing , I felt lucky I got scan pictures from 2 of mine, but the one I didnt I felt I needed something to remember the baby. Of course everyone is different and some want to forget and move on, but for me it was important my babies were acknowleged.
Has she had any tests done? Anyway sorry for waffling on. I hope al goes well.