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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

going to have to give birth alone

21 replies

mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:26

im only 21/22 weeks pregnant...and there is noone i trust to watch my dd who will be just over a year told, so dh will stay at home and i will have to give birth alone..i feel so sad, can't stop crying...i can't get my mum to watch dd as mil will kick up a fuss..the only way i got through labour last time was with dh

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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MarlaSinger · 04/04/2009 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

callmeovercautious · 04/04/2009 20:30

Sorry but forget the MIL and get your Mum to babysit.

Original poster

mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:35

seriously she will kick up such a fuss, dh says its not worth it... but she has never looked after dd for me, ever...not even offered! cant have homebirth... don't think can afford a doula

OP posts:

brettgirl2 · 04/04/2009 20:37

Well your husband is wrong, it is worth it. What is the problem with your MIL exactly?

StudentMadwife · 04/04/2009 20:37

let her kick up a fuss. its your daughter, your mum and YOUR labour.

Miamla · 04/04/2009 20:39

ditto to what studentmadwife said!

Miamla · 04/04/2009 20:39

ditto to what studentmadwife said!

Original poster

mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:41

mil. has never looked after her, don't think she knows how too ( allergies etc) she won't respect any of my wishes ( blw for example) since the day i gave birth, never has my mil offered nay help, plus when she looked after my bil kid, she did thing they asked her not to do,and poor kid got burnt by her straightner! i dont trust her!

OP posts:

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 04/04/2009 20:42

sorry - MiL needs to get things in perspective.

You should be with your DP when you have your baby, her grandchild and not alone (if that is what you want)

You and your DP need to do what is right for YOU not your MiL.

Original poster

mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:47

she is very hardwork, il end up spending my psotnatal period apologising to her...arghhh

OP posts:

theyoungvisiter · 04/04/2009 20:49

Sorry but I think you are being very defeatist here!

Option 1) you tell it to your MIL straight.

Option 2) you tell your MIL that your DH is looking after your DD and in fact ask your mum to do it. Your MIL doesn't need to know until afterwards - if ever.

Option 3) your DH stays at home with your dd (if that's what you really want) and your mum accompanies you to the hospital.

Surely any of these are possible/preferable?

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 04/04/2009 20:49

Sorry - to be blunt - don't ever think about apologising to someone for doing the thing that is right for YOU AND YOUR BABY whilst you are giving birth.

If she is a pain in the Bum this bad then you need to stop it NOW!

brettgirl2 · 04/04/2009 20:50

Well in that case your DH needs to grow up and tell her to butt out. He shouldn't be letting her hassle you after giving birth.

theyoungvisiter · 04/04/2009 20:51

also I notice on your other thread that you said a home birth is not an option because your flat is small - that really shouldn't be a problem, if you would like a homebirth. You don't need a set amount of space (think about how tiny some labour rooms are!)

In the event my DS was at nursery when I had my homebirth but my lovely MW said that they are very used to having children present and it would not be a problem.

Original poster

mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:51

option 3 is what im considering...but my mum can't see me in pain, she cried when i had my wisdom tooth taken out! lol

OP posts:

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 04/04/2009 20:52

What is stopping you and your DP from being strong about this?

if they are a pain about it then stop seeing them.

it is them who will loose out - not seeing their son or grandchildren.

ilikeyoursleeves · 04/04/2009 20:53

Do you have any friends near by who you would trust to look after DD?

Original poster

mama2leah · 04/04/2009 20:53

i got mw appoint on tuesday, i might speak to her about it.. i had planned a water birth at birthing center.

OP posts:

CookieMonster2 · 04/04/2009 21:03

I have a lot of trouble with my family over similar issues and my advice is do what you want or you will just regret it. If necessary just lie to your mil and anyone else who wants to offer an opinion. Why should you follow the wishes of someone who is being so unreasonable when this is your day and you should be able to do things the way you want them?

HumphreyCobbler · 04/04/2009 21:07

Your mil sounds like she will cause trouble anyway so why not just do as you want. At least you get your own way.

Concordia · 04/04/2009 21:14

Get your mum or a friend (neighbour even) to look after DD. It may not be ideal for her but she will be ok. We had lots of family issues and my care for DS was not ideal when DD was being born but everyone got over it and i was too much in pain to worry at the time. and afterwards too exhausted to notice much of the fallout.
it was worth all the fuss to have DH with me. really it was.

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