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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Friend had an early scan, not good news )-: I am now dreading mine, please reassure me

18 replies

mosschops30 · 01/04/2009 20:36

My friend and I fell pg at the same time, neither were really planned but we werent being careful IYKWIM

She was due 5 days before me and went for a private early viability scan yesterday and there was no heartbest even though the length of the fetus was correct for dates. She and her husband are naturally devastated, he rang me with the news and I txt her saying that Im hear if she needs to talk and that I was thinking of them both

I feel so awful for her because I have my scan on friday, and I know if it was the other way round I'd probably hate me IYKWIM because I was still pg.

I couldnt sleep last night and am now dreading my scan on friday and am soo scared that the same will happen to me . I keep thinking if I waited to have an NHS scan at least I would have another 4 weeks of happiness, i know that doesnt make sense, but Im finding it quite hard to be rational about it all

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helsbels4 · 01/04/2009 20:45

How many weeks pregnant is/was your friend? I think they sometimes have trouble finding the heartbeat until around seven weeks. Has she been told the pregnancy definitely isn't viable or what advice has she been given?

Original poster

mosschops30 · 01/04/2009 20:49

we are both 8 weeks and they have confirmed the pregnancy is not viable and that the fetus was correct size for dates

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chubbymummy · 01/04/2009 20:50

I had a missed miscarriage in October after almost a year of ttc. The day I found this out a good friend of mine told me that she was pregnant (unplanned) and due within days of me. Her baby is due in a few weeks and although I am insanely jelous I don't resent her being pregnant, I just feel really sad that if things had turned out differently our children would have grown up together.

I know when she gives birth I'll find it difficult especially since I've still not fallen pregnant again despite trying again straight away.

Try to relax, enjoy your pregnancy and don't feel guilty that your baby is okay (I'm sure it will be!). Just be there for your friend when she needs you and if she is distant for a while give her space but let her know you are there for her when she's ready!

Good luck. x

Original poster

mosschops30 · 01/04/2009 20:52

thank you chubby, thats exactly how I imagine she (or I would) will feel, we had planned to go shopping together for things and bum around on our maternity leave.

I have just spent the day praying that my baby is ok

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Northernlurker · 01/04/2009 20:52

There is an innocence we all have about pregnancy loss - until it happens to us or someone we love. In my case a close relative lost a baby - after I had had my children. Seeing what they went through I know I could never again be so relaxed and optimistic as I was in my pregnancies. Your friend's experience brings home to you what can be lost - but it does not mean you wil suffer the same. For most people, most of the time everything is ok. I hope it's so for you and your friend is not going to hate you if that is the case. She will be shocked and grieving now but she will want you to have a healthy child - because we love and cherish our friends and our disasters do not take that away. Having a scan doesn't make a miscarriage happen. If something is not right with a pregnancy then the pregnancy may be lost but there's nothing you can do right or wrong to influence that. I think you would actually find a wait for a scan very. very hard now your friend has had this news - so go for yours and all the very best.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 01/04/2009 20:52

and so sorry to hear about your mmc

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Original poster

mosschops30 · 01/04/2009 20:53

thaks northern, what a great post

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LetThemEatCake · 01/04/2009 20:54

my close friend and I were due within 3 days of each other in 2005 - so excited and happy!

At 19 weeks my baby was diagnosed with a fatal chromosomal rearrangement and we terminated the pregnancy shortly afterwards. It was very hard watching my friend continue with her healthy pregnancy, even though of course I would not have wished my experience on her. Her baby was then born on my baby's due date (although I was selfishly relieved that hers was a boy - mine was a girl)

It was really hard and I do feel for your friend if it turns out that her pregnancy is not viable while yours is but she will not hate you. Just be aware that it will be hard for her. Don't say things (as my friend said to me) along the lines of "you;re really not missing out - I'm fat and hideous and I got puffed running up the stairs this morning!" She was trying to be light-hearted and supportive but it made my blood boil.

In any case, as the pp said, it's unlikely that there would be a hb until 7 weeks or so, so there is still hope!

I understand your fear for yourself but try to remember that far more pregnancies work out than not. Scans are real double-edged swords: exciting but stomach-churning at the same time - I am now pregnant with my 4th child (ie, my 3rd healthy child) and still find the whole process excruciatingly anxious.

Just hang in there. You will be fine, and you've already demonstrated in your post that you are a kind and sensitive person who will be there for your friend if she needs you. Just understand that she may find it easy to seek comfort from someone other than you.

Best of luck to you both.

helsbels4 · 01/04/2009 20:56

Wishing you all the best for your scan on Friday mosschops. Hope all is well

Original poster

mosschops30 · 01/04/2009 20:58

thank you again, what lovely posts I am almost crying reading other peoples experiences
yes i know and accept that I may be the last person she may want to talk to right now. Im just so sad for them both, they are great parents to their dd and its just so unfair. And Im scared now instead of excited about my scan

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Northernlurker · 02/04/2009 18:37

Good luck for tomorrow.

Original poster

mosschops30 · 02/04/2009 19:40

thank you northern Im sure I'll be on here one way or another!
I spoke to my friend again today and said did she need anything. She has been for another scan and then to talk about options, Im guessing there was no good news as havent heard from them since

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helsbels4 · 02/04/2009 19:47

Oh blimey. Your poor friend must be feeling so, so low. I can't imagine how you are also feeling but I do sincerely hope that your scan goes smoothly tomorrow and you will have at least your mind put at rest.

Northernlurker · 03/04/2009 20:30

Hope it went ok for you

Original poster

mosschops30 · 04/04/2009 11:49

It was great thank you . I was so scared I could hardly breathe as I got on the bed, the sonographer must have known how nervous I was because the first thing she said was 'i can see a good strong heartbeat'. The consultant also said that everything looked good nuchal wise although too early to do a risk assessment.

I went to see my friend yesterday, she goes in to have tablets today to start the process off of actually losing her poor baby. We had a big hug yesterday and both cried .

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Doodle09 · 04/04/2009 13:16

I am 14 weeks pregnant and have come back as i in 49 risk of downs I am 33 years old (will be 34 at birth). The NT scan showed a measurement of 2.532 which i am told is low. What could have put me in the high risk category as i thought the risk went up at 35. I have a one year and was very low risk with him. I had the combined tests done. Can someone help as I'm so confused. Thanks x

PlumBumMum · 04/04/2009 13:23

Doodle there are two types of risk, one that automatically goes up with age, I had a double test when I was 24 and got 1in 45 result,
The consultant said it could have been down to a number of factors
if your dates aren't 100%
early bleeding in pg

PlumBumMum · 04/04/2009 13:28

mosschops30 I was quite pregnant when a close friend of mine lost her baby and as she had no sisters I went and got her a few bits and pieces, and spent the day with her but the whole time I felt really bad because I was visibly pregnant, but she was great about it

Glad your scan went well, i bought my friend one of those little willow ornaments holding a star she really loved it and put it with one she had been given when she had her first dc

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