I have been a misery right through pregnancy

[Cookiemg]

I just need to get lots of things off my chest. I am 37 weeks pregnant and cannot believe how frustrated I feel. I am 37 and have just been looking at my much younger nieces photos on Facebook and just want to go out and get smashed and smoke loads. I used to be quite wild and love a good party but I have been a miserable old boot throughout the pregnancy.

My DH and I found out that we had a missed miscarriage last February at our 12 week scan and I was like a woman possessed trying to get pregnant again, which happened 4 months later. I pushed and pulled him in all directions to try to replace the baby, that I had so so loved and bonded with. I do not feel the same way about this baby, I am really frightened that I do not bond with him/her. I spent the first 6 months of the pregnancy worrying and the last 3 complaining as the physical weight began to take its toll. I feel as though the two of us have not been getting on well throughout most of the 9 months, I think he feels as though we are starting down a path that I am not happy with, did I try to concieve too early?

I so, need to get my mojo back, I am so so bored and fed up talking and thinking about pregnancy. I have been going to NCT classes and a lot of the girls just seem so sure about what they are doing; which organic thingumyjig they are going to use and who's philosophy they will follow when bringing up junior. Is is because I have been pregnant for a year in effect lumping the two together?

xxx

i wrote a very similar post last year,

i hated pregnancy

like you i had history of mc and the whole thing start to finish was a huge worry,

wait till the little bugger is born

then you will worry even more

i totally understand the not bonding thing,

i had difficulty staying pregnant and even then i wasnt very good at it, i ended up in hospital at 35 weeks

well, all water under the bridge now,

dd is fab, i love her to bits but i am not the 'yummy mummy' i thought i would be

at first i did worry it was down to my history but i have now learned to accept that i was never going to be a stay at home, baking, finger painting mum

each to thier own,

i wish i had the patience

good luck with the birth

Hi Cookiemg,
Sorry to hear of your loss last year.

I think you're feeling quite normal for 37 weeks, certainly how I felt with DS who was conceived immediately after DH vasectomy reversasl.I felt really guilty that I was not over the moon, as we had saved so hard for op & DH found it v.painful (the op).

However, I didnt really tell anyone else, so I guess I would have come across like the girls in your NCT class.It doesnt matter what plans you have, chances are they go to pot anyway!!

You will bond with your baby, although this may not be immediately, so dont feel bad if its not.

Try to do some fun stuff in these last few weeks. Go to cinema, out for dinner, have hair done etc (not same as getting smashed and smoking I know, but not long to go now!!)

Good luck with everything, dont be too hard on yourself - you dont have to be supermum straight away, or in fact, ever.

Thank you so so much. I know that not all people can get enraptured by the miracle of birth. I guess I am just looking for a role model to emulate and can't really find anyone who seems to be like me.

Thank you again, for your sagely advice and good luck with youyr multi focussed lives

xxx

Oh God, I was like this.
Being pregnant so effing boring.
Was always gagging to go out and let rip.
Still do.

I hate the smugness of pregnancy for so many people. Al lthose blurry pictures of women swather in gauze gazing at pendulous breasts and huge stomach..

That is so funny, I know there is such an expectation that it will all just fit into place.

x

For me pregnancy is just a horrible ordeal to be endured so you can get to meet your and your partner's beautiful baby. I had a missed m/c also before getting pregnant again last year and I was very negative right the way through as I was afraid to feel happy in case something went wrong again. I spoiled the whole thing for my OH for months until he admitted this and after that I kept it to myself and pretended to be positive. I couldn't relax until he was born - my son is now 6 month old and wonderful and it was all so so worth it.

Like you I liked a good time and a drink and felt a bit constrained by it all. I also get irritated by all that yummy mummy organic do-it-by-someone-else's-book nonsense - but they are just girls planning to do what they think is the best parenting they can -of course its not the only way.

You will find your own way - don't worry - Do try not to alienate your partner though - you will need him so much after the baby is born. Oh and the first three months are a bit of a mare as well - really hard work - and you may feel that you are giving giving giving and getting nothing back. After that though things get easier and you will love being a mum. Just go easy on yourself.

It is worth it - and you and your baby are nearly there.

boogie is so right about the first 3 months,

especially after 9 months worth of shittiness,

the first 3 months are tough, really,

they give nothing back, nothing at all,

i feel a little bit sad about this now,

as i feel if i had another i would be far more laid back and maybe i would enjoy it,

you do what is right for you and if you are ever stuck post here

the MN collective will sort you out

Okay, I will try to remember that the next 3 months will be a relentless slog, need to have it interspersed with a bit of fun though!