35 wks pg and just had a huge shock - please help

[kitsen]

Hi

I'm 35 weeks pg and my partner and I have had some bad news this morning (non pg related thank goodness), which has come as a huge shock and which will affect us in the coming months.

I'm just getting over the initial upset and shock and am trying to calm down but can feel it physically in my stomach and in my chest - I'm getting twinges and am worried the stress will be harmful to the baby both immediately and in the next few difficult weeks. Can anyone please help...

I´m sorry to hear your news..the same thing haappened to me. I did have a fright that the baby would come early (didn´t in the end), I think all you can do is try to take it as easy as possible.

As far as I know the baby will not be adversely affected by your stress if though aware of it..

Hi Kitsen - sorry to hear about your shock.

I don't really know what to advice, but if you are getting twinges maybe you should contact your midwife. Hopefully she can reassure you, take your blood pressure, check the baby, and maybe advice you on relaxation.

Really sorry to hear you've got this news that has shocked you. The last weeks of pregnancy are hard enough as it is. Of course the stress is not a good thing to have in your life at the moment (as you have enough on your plate as it is with the pregnancy). But to answer your question, I think the stress is not likely to harm the baby. Babies (and embryos) are very very resilient creatures . I think mother-nature would have been very stupid & inefficient if babies / embryos could be harm by stress. Stress is part of life. I would accept you just accept how you're feeling, don't try to act as if you're not stressed when in fact you are. For me, everytime I simply accept my feelings it always helps, & actually (paradoxically) helps to decrease the bad feelings.

(BTW the twinges you're having are probably completely normal at 35 weeks, I certainly had them too at that stage).

Good luck with the last bit of your pregnancy, hope it's not too hard. And good luck with the arrival of your baby . Is this your first?

Actually a shock late in pregnancy can delay labour rather than start it off - if you get a flood of adrenalin it reduces the levels of oxytocin in your system so you are less likely to start having contractions.

Your blood pressure will suffer though - suggest tea and feet up and just breathe slowly

DH was really brutally mugged when I was pregnant - hospital needed. I was worried about the impact of my distress on the baby, too, especially as I was really very down for a good month afterwards and had to hide it so as to support DH. But DS is the most cheerful, easy-going, alert little guy imaginable - could not be a more confident or happy baby. I'm sorry this awful thing has happened, but it won;t harm the baby at all.

I was having BH by your stage, too. Very normal.

dh got blown up and given a 20% chance of survival when i was pg with ds1 (dc2) i had to leave dd1 with a childminder as he had to get flown for brain surgery and they wouldn't accept kids on the neuro ward. we were o'seas so no family until mil and fil flew out. ds1 was on time and unharmed. baby will be fine!

relax, feet up, mags out to occupy your mind. hope you manage to find a way to deal with things x

oh poor you!! My Eldest DD decided to "run away" with her friend (they were 16 at the time) and i found myself approx 35 weeks pregnant filing a missing persons report. It was so out of character for my DD that i was convinced that she had come to harm, even after i found out she was with a friend. I think i was in a constant hysterical state for 3-4 HOURS, i just could not calm down. In the end i phoned the midwife and she came out to me (it was midnight!) to check me over, listen to babies heart beat and TRY and calm me down. While she was here my DD phoned, they were staying at her friends nan's caravan at the end of their garden (let themselves in!) after a 20 mile walk . Why had she run away??? Her friend had split up with her boyfriend and was "upset"! . The police bought DD home - the MW thought i was going to go into shock because i was shaking uncontrollably and just kept screaming every five minutes or so.

My DD2, arrived two weeks late, and is a happy 3 yo girl now, was a happy baby too.

Do try and calm yourself, is your DH with you? If so, maybe a visit to MW will reassure you NOT because i think there will be a problem, but just seeing my MW made me calm down.

My DP cheated on me during my PG
It was the worst feeling in the world IMO finding out that is, and the ensuing 'stalking' of myself by the OW online basically stressed me out to the max.
I was worried that two weeks of crying myself to sleep every night, hating my DP, finding out why he had left me (so he could go see that skanky cow with no guilt) reading all the messages he had sent to other women as well as the one he went to meet, then worrying that i would hate my son would have an effect on him as i had been told stressful pg = unhappy baby..no doubt you too have heard this...

My son is a lovely happy baby And i love him with every cell in my body lol

Don't worry sweetheart, just do what everyone else says and get checkups, rest as much as possible, tell the MW if you like too so she can also reassure you. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy xxx

Thanks so much everyone for your advice and experiences. It's easy to think that you're the only one going through a stressful time.

I feel like I am on my own and am taking the whole world on my shoulders - just can't see any way this is going to get better but I can't sink under it.

do speak to your midwife and/or GP though kitsen. Talking about yuor stress/fears/worries can help destress you and they will also have practical help and advice - their may even be a perinatal mental health specialist you can be referred to for extra support. I had a vry stressful period in pregnancy and was all over the place although I found from about 37 weeks my body naturally helped me to destress - you get to a stage where your body knows you need to rest and prepare and it helps make you feel calm. (even in the midst of storms) Hopefully the same will happen to you

I read an article recently about pg women located near Ground Zero, and pg duration, in the aftermath of 9/11. The statistics were very interesting. They gave birth on average 3 days earlier than they would have done as a result of witnessing the twin towers. If I remember rightly outcomes apart from that were the same as for the rest of the population. It reminded me how resilient little babies really are.