Having second thoughts

[havingsecondthoughts]

I strongly suspect I am pregnant though am too scared to test. Its a bit early anyway -period not due for another couple of days. I am 41 and already have 2 children. I nagged and nagged my husband into having a 3rd, he finally gave in to a "let's just see what happens" approach and now I think we've done it and I feel shit scared. Not happy or euphoric or anything positive at all. Just terrified of the work and the money and the sleepless nights and going right back to the beginning (all the things he used to argue against it!!), all coming 5 years ater I last did it when I am that bit older and more knackered. I was convinced I wanted it and have been begging him for 2 years. What the hell is wrong with me?

It's the shock of it actually happening, wishing it and actually having that wish granted are two veeery different things. Lots of women feel like you do. Don't beat yourself up for how you're feeling, give yourself some time to think and try to calm yourself down a bit. Oooh and do a test so you're not getting yourself worked up over nothing.

Yes, yes, you are right. Don't want to test too early because of that whole false neg thing. If i get a neg and then relax and then get a pos 2 days later will be massive roller coaster. Also am really worried about DH reaction - I don't think he thought it would ever happen.

Havingsecondthoughts, i am in exactly the same situation (although I have tested and know I am definitely pregnant)

It was a shock. I was ok with it, DH not. DH ok with it now and I am full of fear.

I was getting the DC ready for school this morning and imagining having to do it with a newborn and just thinking WTF have I done?

Have never felt like this with any of my other DC

So no advice, just thought we could hold hands for a bit?

Oh and do the test!!!!!

Likewise I have just found out last week I am pg with #3 having nagged DH for another. Most of my concerns are re DH though as I am thrilled, though can totally understand that "what have I done" feeling. DH is not yet thrilled, but seems a bit more settled after a few days of thinking about it now. It helped when he saw my parents positive reaction to the news too though.

Just think though - when #1 arrived, that total OMG I'm never going to cope feeling at times, and then when #2 came along and suddenly you managed with two? You coped and probably gave yourself a pat on the back at times too. This time you are even more experienced and will find the baby care less stressful - less questioning of every decision about what to do when etc. You will adapt, and you also have a couple of older helpers now who may want to help fetch this or that, and can sit and talk to the baby for you now and again too. I'm sure like with #1 and #2 it is going to be hard work, but it will work and before you know it that little line on a pg test will be off to school!

Ok - next time I read this post I may just be sitting your side of the fence....put it down to hormones girls!! Meanwhile try to look for all the good things and you will be a bit less scared.

PS please test!

Thanks all - gosh it seems to be a fairly common thing then! Can I ask were yours accidents or was it more of the wait and see what happens approach? I feel as though I will be shouldering 100% o the responsibility for this even though it quite clearly took 2 to tango IYKWIM!

Anyway the first response test is waiting in the bathroom (it was buy one get one free in Superdrug!). Is actually 4 days early though so not sure what to expect.

It definately took two to tango - and I'm sure your husband will be fine - if a bit surprised. 4 days before your period is due - you may see a faint line but if you don't and your period doesn't come you will still need to retest.

It's very normal to think 'what have I done' - for planned nd unplanned pregnancy alike. It's a huge change - but a positive one. If you are pregnant then you will be welcoming a new member of your family - a whole new life to love. It's a marvellous thing - but that doesn't stop it being an exhausting and scary thing to. Just hang in there - good luck with your test.

Negative. Disappointed and relieved simaltaneously. Think will just hang on for another couple of days now before checking.

Sorry you can not be sure one way or the other just yet, but at least you have a few days of thinking time without needing to say anything to your DH. Thanks for sharing the result with us so far. Hope the outcome is the one you want either way in a few days.

Our #3 was planned, and despite it neededing two to tango and him knowing this was a likely outcome he is still not thrilled. I guess I can't expect him to suddenly want a baby any more than he expected me to give up wanting one and suddenly be ok with it. I'm sure in time he will adjust though especially when there is a real baby to hold and love.