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Original poster

Those who have 2 dc or more please tell me what you did to help dc1 adjust to dc2

12 replies

Sunflower100 · 14/02/2009 20:56

Dc2 due in April when dd will be 2 and 2 months. I would love to hear any tactics anyone has used to try to ease her into being one of two and minimise jealousy.
Thank you in advance!

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noonki · 14/02/2009 21:13

these are my top tips

(ds1 was 19 months when ds2 arrived)

  1. When you first introduce them, let dd 'find' the baby (video it. we did and it still makes me cry). and congratulate her on finding the baby.
  1. be very affectionate to the baby infront of her and encourage her to do the same. ( I worried that it would make him jealous, absolutely the opposite!)
  1. call the baby by it's name as soon as possible.
  1. talk to the baby about what a lovely big sister they have.
  1. Tell DD that the baby thinks that DD is amazingly clever for doing whatever she is doing and how much the baby loves dd (you only really like people that like you back!)
  1. remember the baby isn;t made of glass and can be touched by dd (try and stop yourself saying no everytime she touches him, instead use gentle...)
  1. try giving dd a present from the baby.

we did these and DS has never been jealous. He has been annoyed at and mean to his little brother but in general they get on well (DS2 is 19 months)

noonki · 14/02/2009 21:13

these are my top tips

(ds1 was 19 months when ds2 arrived)

  1. When you first introduce them, let dd 'find' the baby (video it. we did and it still makes me cry). and congratulate her on finding the baby.
  1. be very affectionate to the baby infront of her and encourage her to do the same. ( I worried that it would make him jealous, absolutely the opposite!)
  1. call the baby by it's name as soon as possible.
  1. talk to the baby about what a lovely big sister they have.
  1. Tell DD that the baby thinks that DD is amazingly clever for doing whatever she is doing and how much the baby loves dd (you only really like people that like you back!)
  1. remember the baby isn;t made of glass and can be touched by dd (try and stop yourself saying no everytime she touches him, instead use gentle...)
  1. try giving dd a present from the baby.

we did these and DS has never been jealous. He has been annoyed at and mean to his little brother but in general they get on well (DS2 is 19 months)

good luck hope all goes well

noonki · 14/02/2009 21:13

duh

ChocFudgeCake · 14/02/2009 21:24

Hi, I gave this advice to a friend and 8 years later her DD has fond memories of her brother's birth. Very simple, you must have come across this: You have a great present ready for DC1 and give it when baby arrives on his/her behalf "Look what the baby brought for you!".
Pregnant now, I'm telling my 3 and 4 year-old children that the baby in my tummy is OUR baby, we are ALL going to look after the baby. They are chuffed and cannot wait to see him/her. My mum used this strategy with me when my sister came and apparently I was very proud of "my baby".
Also a friend who has many children, when visiting a family with a new baby always brings a gift for the toddler to congratulate him/her on the new arrival. Not that you want to make your child too materialistic, but I found that DS2 was too sad when the new baby was getting so many gifts and everyone was saying how cute he was. He ended up disliking the baby (now they love each other of course!). I should have perhaps passed the baby to my mum and held my toddler everytime I had the chance, he was only 15 months & not a happy bunny when he realised the baby was staying with us.

ChocFudgeCake · 14/02/2009 21:26

That was good Noonki I'll try to remember some of your points for my next time.

BakewellTarts · 14/02/2009 21:28

As above.

Also stressed what a good big sis DD1 was being and tried to involve her with DD2 as much as possible. Getting her to "help" with nappy changes by passing the nappy etc.

Tried to ensure DD1 kept the routine and groups that were important to her so her life didn't change completely. I've got a sling that is invaluable as it gives me hands free for DD1 whilst DD2 is perfectly content. Even allowed me to make snowmen and play in the snow with DD1.

After the 20 week scan invested in some books aimed at preparing DD1 for the new baby (particularly liked There's a House Inside My Mummy and I'm a Big Sister) which we read every night. Also a bit mad but I encouraged her to kiss my tummy and say goodnight / good morning to the baby.

It will be fine...I'm sure DD1 (just 3 years) now doesn't remember a life pre DD2 (just over 3 months).

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 14/02/2009 21:38

Tlaked about the baby with dd1 LOTS, including stuff she would be able to "help" me with as a cclever BIG sister, and also the fact that babies sometimes cry and to sooth we say "thre there baby (we didn't have sex/name) don't cry".

We also started bringing in the idea that although it's fine to touch baby's arms or legs we don't touch head.

We did the present thing but she "bought"/ {chose} something for the baby and the baby came with a present for her!

Also got some books form the library and bought there's a house inside my mummy.

Also did the kissing tummy thing... am now due no 3 and dd2 will be 22 months so have started the where's OUR baby stuff again!

Good luck

laumiere · 14/02/2009 21:50

If you have a DS, Waiting for Baby is a great book. My DS is convinced he's the little boy in the pics as they both have brown hair.

Longtalljosie · 14/02/2009 22:02

I remember when my little sister arrived, my Mum put a milkybar under her blanket and then told her the baby had brought it for me. I really, really remember this clearly, although I was only 3 and a half. It was like - she wanted me to be her sister, it's hard to explain. But looking at it from an adult perspective, it totally did the trick.

Flightisatwat · 14/02/2009 22:17

Yes like Noonki my best tip is to sit with baby while older child is busy playing/inventing

Instead of saying 'ds what a lovely little baby bro you have got'

you start telling the baby what ds is doing. 'Look, that's your big brother, gosh he has made a fantastic thing, can you see what he is doing?'

I would do this and watch ds1's little smile creep onto his face

He wouldn't look at us but he felt kind of special

Remember to keep reinforcing though
We still have 'you love ds2 more than me mummy' moments and I am dreadful at kissing ds2 tooooo much in front of ds1

WonTon · 15/02/2009 12:13

Agree with most of what's been said. The important thing is not to isolate the existing child and it really helps to make it feel like it is a part of the whole process of growing up. I am on number 4 and each time we have presented the imminent arrival of the baby as a rite of passage, of growing up and becoming a Big Sister or Big Brother. And yes, presents do help, so much so that my three (2, 3 and 5 years old) are already working out what the baby should buy them and speaking to it through my tummy to tell it what to buy! I think to a great extent it is really in the parents' mind the idea that the existing child will feel like it has to share mummy and daddy around. Most children are used to seeing their friends with baby brothers and sisters around and want nothing more than to be like them. It is of course down to the parents to make sure that the child feels a part of the process with the new baby, and at 2 years of age, your child should be happy to participate and help out and hand you nappies etc. Good luck!

Original poster
Sunflower100 · 16/02/2009 09:29

Thank you everyone - some brilliant suggestions that I think dd will respond well too. I ove the idea of talking to ds2 about things dd is doing well

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