I feel as tho all choices I hoped I would have are now taken away, can anyone advise me?

[billysitch]

I am pregnant with my second child due in June. My first pregnancy was great until the birth all went horribly wrong and my son and I were taken to baby unit and theatre respectively immediately afterwards.

It has taken years for me to even consider having another child my son and I being kept in the hospital for a week after the birth, followed by a year of physio for me in order that I could function normally down below and sit on a hard floor or chair.

I was told that I have choices for giving birth as to does every other woman, however having just had a midwife consultant tell me that I am not able to use our local birthing centre, or indeed labour at home until the time comes or indeed labour on the day unit. I am to go to the labour ward as soon as things start in order that I be monitored.

I dont want to go into too many details of my previous birth suffice as to say from my waters breaking to actually giving birth was over 4 days apart and serious complications and infections then took hold. I was never given the opportunity to have a section, and have been told indeed that I will not be offered one this time either, so where is the choice?

Feeling very upset and confused and rather resentful right now and would welcome anybodies advice or similar experience in order that I may be able to find a birthing plan I and my husband are happy with.

Basically the appointment was supposed to be to discuss my birthing plan, I have come away thinking they have bascially told ME how is it going to go and drawn a line under it. I now have more questions than answers and feel completely adrift.

My best friend had an awful birth experience and tragically her baby died because of it. She has recently had a gorgeous little boy and she too had limited options as to how/who/where/what she was allowed to do and she was pretty much told what she had to do.

Whilst it is hard to accept when the consultants speak to you/tell you what to do, they are ultimately the most qualified to assess the risk that you and your new baby could be in however saying that there is nothing wrong with asking for another opinion? Why don't you ask to see a different consultant? I think it's your right.

Whilst I don't have first hand experience of this I do have experience of looking after a close friend whose circumstances couldn't have turned out worse, and I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I do hope you and your husband work it all out, and I hope that someone can help you.

Sorry to hear about your experiences.

I'm not sure what a midwife consultant is, but round here the final decision is down to your named consultant (i.e. doctor, not midwife). If this isn't the person you've already seen then definitely try and get an appointment with them ASAP.

I'm afraid I can't give any advice on getting into a birthing centre - I have no experience. But I had a bad time with my first birth (nowhere near as bad as yours) and have just been to see my consultant about having a caesarean for baby number 2. I had loads of great advice about getting a caesarean on Mumsnet - my thread is here. Even if you have seen the consultant already, you do have a right to be referred to another consultant for a second opinion so exercise that right.

Good luck, I really hope things work out for you.

I agree with roundabout that you need a second opinion. However I don't believe Health professionals are necessarily best qualified to assess the risk. Some 'professionals' have their own agendas/hospital protocol/outdated knowledge at the forefront of their mind, not your needs. So it sounds like you need to find someone you can have a discussion with so you can come away and make an informed decision - not be told how it will be. Good Luck.

Oh, also, it may be worth posting in the childbirth section.

By the way, do you know what you want in an ideal world? For eg would you choose to have a section/homebirth?

Hi, I posted on Lucasnorth's thread re c-section after 2 difficult labours. I won't go into details as you can read the thread if you like.

This is going to sound really daft but I will ask it

Have you asked out right, directly for a c-section?

With my second child I didn't and assumed I would be offered one after my 1st not great birth. Ds 2 always measured large and I had growth scans every 4 weeks from 20 weeks so they always knew he was big yet no-one ever mentioned having a section.

With this prgcy I was referred to a concultant after I had had the wonderous 'big' baby (officially!) and a recommendation from my Dr to have a section. I went into the app and asked directly if I could have a section and they said with my history -yes.

I wish I had asked with ds 2 (might have saved me lots of problems and months of unpleasantness I've had to go through)

I get the feeling they don't like prevention and would rather mop up the mess they leave behind as they would rather take the chance that nothing may happen anyway, another dept mops up and it will come out of another dept's budget -or I am just a little too cynical now???

billysitch, I really feel for you. it's so difficult when you're vulnerable and being put under so much pressure.

I would defintiely agree with getting a second opinion.
also... I would want to know if what happened last time is likely to happen again. ie, weere the problems with the birth down to something physical with you that is likely to occur again? or just one of those things that could happen to anyone??

if the latter then I think I would tend to think about this labour and birth as a fresh slate.
start from the beginning again.

YOU are the only one who can choose where and how you give birth. not anyone else.
they can advise you,,,, and you are entitled to question that and make your own decisions based on it.

I heard today for example, of a woman being told that she would have to have an epidural for the vaginal delivery of her twins because there was a "high risk" of needing a c-section for the second twin (ie, if it turned breech etc).
on further questioning it turned out that this "high risk" was something like 5%

go figure

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. You have plenty of time to explore your options. You do not have to accept what they say at face value, do your research, ask for other opinions and don't give up your power easily.

This is your body, your baby, your birth and although your previous experience has put a certain slant on it, it is still up to you to make the decisions. They can't force you to rush in at the first contraction...you decide when to let them know you are in labour. They do have expertise but they are also operating within policies and protocols that are best for the hospital but not necessarily best for your baby.

One way of approaching every decision is to use your BRAIN B= benefits R=risks A=alternatives I=instincts (what is your gut instinct telling you) N=nothing (do nothing for a few minutes/hours/days). Best of luck.

Thank you so much everyone, I have just managed to get back on here and read all your posts.

It is good to know that regardless of the attitude of my midwife consultant I DO have choices.

Roundabout, so sorry to hear about your friend how awful I have to say 'but for the grace of god my son is here', which is why I think I have taken so long to have another. I am glad you have been there for her, I have a couple of friends too who have been exceptional and in fact prompted me to put the thread on here.

Lucasnorth, that is interesting about the section, I will read up on your thread, it is something I have considered but have again been told, 'well only in an emergency', my response although guarded was 'well what the hell was last time then?' The midwife consultant as far as I can tell are midwifes who have a bit more power, to be honest not really sure but was advised by my midwife to see them so that we could get a birthing plan sorted early on to allay my fears of baby being born in the way my son was.

Musthaveashortmemory - thank you too, I would ideally want to labour at HOME, and go into the birthing centre to give birth as late as possible and hopefully in a birthing pool. I didnt think this was too much to ask to be honest. I managed labour before as bad as it was without pain relief even whilst on a drip for over 36 hours. So I KNOW I can do it. Now I am worried that because of their concerns maybe doing this would put my baby at risk. My experience from last time has left me to feel that actually their feet dragging and non section opportunity could have been fatal for my son who arrived arm & head first and strangled. After his head being cut open TWICE for an oxygen check (whilst inside me)instead of realising that he was indeed not going to get out normally, and it was nearly too late.

Muppet girl - thank you too. I will keep that in mind, did you have gestational diabetes with your second child? I ask only in interest.

This is interesting - thanks too, the first birth problems were completely down to procedures as far as I am concerned. I am a fit and healthy, if heavy, woman, I do have a raised BMI. As I was bed bound for most of the labour last time, (they put me on a drip) I wasnt dilating or progressing. It turned out that my son was strangled and they didnt know he was tangled or arm first until I just got to the point where they were all busy messing about so I started to push him out. I was only 5cm dilated at this time. Hence the problems.

Ohmeohmy - Thank you for that. I think the policies and protocols seem to cloud their judgment too. I will keep that in mind.

So after all the advice and considerations we have decided to ask to see our consultant again, who I have to say was approachable. He asked to see me as soon as I was pregnant as he wanted to asses my risks then, which was at about 15 weeks. I have asthma 'controlled for years' and had post natal depression last time 'no wonder eh' and because of my raised BMI. He signed me off to midwife led care as he felt I could carry on a normal pregnancy, but has left the door open for me should I need to return. So we shall. My midwife is due to visit me on Monday night so I will ask for a refferal then as well as tell her how unhelpful and unsupportive I found the MW Consultant.

I will try and update after that should anyone be interested. Once again thanks and fingers crossed.

Having just read your threads re childbirth, c section.

Lucasnorth, good news congratulations.

Goodluck Muppet Girl. x

So it sounds like the consultant thinks you are low risk and have every chance of a normal birth. It seems to be the midwife who wants you to be monitored/treated as high risk! Usually the other way round....

Did the midwife explain on what grounds you couldn't use the birthing centre? If you have a specific reason you could argue the case with her boss or ask the consultant to give you the ok. Sounds like you have a plan anyway - good luck.

MHAVSM - Thanks, The reason the MW consultant said I wasnt able to go to the birthing centre was because I have a raised BMI. That as far as I know is the only reason for all of their decisions so far. My BMI is less than it was with my first son as I have lost quite a bit of weight since having him.

billysitch - good luck. Hopefully the consultant will be much more helpful than the midwife you saw, and will give you options for the birth.

Billysitch - good luck with getting what you want. You might find if you were to start mentioning your right to have a homebirth that the midwife led unit suddenly becomes available to you

Nuttygirl I like your thinking. thanks

Great idea nuttygirl!

yes good idea! Also would an independent m/w be an option for you? this would be a good way to get some support and belief in the birth you want.
Remember no-body can make you do something, it is your choice, you can refuse continous monitoring and opt for standard intermittant, Also you can refuse to come into labour ward straight away and go in as late as you wish.