Sorry this is so long - My fiance and i have been together 5 years and are due our first baby in a couple of months. He is quite a bit older than me and has 3 older kids who live with their mum. I have some concerns about this as follows:
His sons (18 and 16)are both troublesome tearaways. They both left school early with no qualifications and little general education. Both have criminal records, bad, attitudes, use bad language, no manners, etc. His eldest doesnt speak to his father or me and wants 'nothing to do with the kid' as i have been told. So far the younger has shown no interest in the pregnancy at all and only speaks to his father on the phone so this may not end up being a problem at all but i am really concerned that they are not really suitable role models as big brothers should be.
Not sure if i'm just being harsh because they are not my kids but i'm worried about the effect they could have on my baby as it grows up.
His daughter (13) is a very sweet girl though can be moody and demanding of attention as girls of that age are and is very excited about the baby and being a big sister, etc. Currently there is no set arrangement for contact with her dad but they speak on the phone and we see her roughly every other weekend. I have no concerns about her behaviour or attitude at all. My worry is that after the baby is born she will be round at our house all the time to see the baby. I'm worried that when i have a tiny baby (my first child) i may be struggling, might just want to slob about the house in manky clothes as i'll be knackered all the time and wont want anyone else hanging around. Also as she is at school during the day she will only be round at evenings and weekends and holidays which is when OH and i get time together as he works days too. I know that she has every right to see her dad and her wee bro or sis and i'm not trying to prevent this but just worried it's all going to get v stressful. She has already told us she will be round so often we will be sick of seeing her.
If this happens how do i discourage her a bit without seeming like the step mother from hell! i know she is family too but due my age i've never really felt like a step mum - i have a brother who is ages with the boys!
To give some background, i got on well with all 3 kids and we would have them regularly 2 evenings a week and often at weekends for the first 3 years or so of our relationship until the boys suddenly decided i was stopping their dad from seeing them and now they hate me. Also i was reasonably strict with them when they were at our house and expected good behaviour/manners/etc which their mum doesnt do and their dad also is very soft on them.
I realise that if the shoe was on the other foot and i was the one with kids then i would have a different view. Should i just shut up and put up since he had the kids before he met me or am i right to stand up for the way of life and upbringing i want for my baby?