Not excited about pregnancy, or happy, or anything really...

[Deeeja]

I have been feeling like this since I found out. I feel very strangely numb and unemotional about this pregnancy. The only thing I can think about when I do think about it is 'how the heck am I going to cope?'
I feel guilty and disloyal to this little one that i am not brimming over with joy at the prospect of him or her. I am worried that when s/he is born I may not want it that much. I feel terrible about this and don't know how to handle it or what to do about it. I have spoken to no-one in rl about it. All I can think about is how awful pregnancy really is, and spd (which I got at 14 weeks last time). I was really looking forward to getting a part of life back for myself when my youngest goes to nursery next year, and now I feel sad that I can't do that.
Sorry for rambling on, but I just don't feel that I really love this baby.

This feeling is not unusual, as A - you've done it all before and it's not as exciting, and B - you're dreading the physical complaints you had last time, and C, you know what a shock the first few months of parenthood are.
Currently 30 weeks with #2, and have been through all these feelings (with me it's hyperemesis, not SPD), and just keep telling myself that enough people have 2, 3, 4 children, so it can't be all that bad.
You will love the baby, it's just that you're not obsessing over it like you did with #1, as you already have enough to think about with said #1 running riot.
Don't worry - I'm sure lots of people will be along to say similar.
And talk to people in RL - they'll understand - I've told people, and they've all said the same.

Hi Deeeja, i'm 27 weeks and i could have written your message myself. Unfortunately i have no pearls of wisdom but did want to say you could still go back to work next year. I'm going back part time when this baby is 6 months which i would never have done with my first but i refuse to feel guilty about it. I'm sure when our babies are born we'll feel so much love for them but right now i can only see negatives too. Hope you feel better soon.

I've got SPD and I am 32 weeks with DC4. I spoke about this exact thing with the consultant a couple of weeks ago, and she said it was pretty normal and more common than people realised, a natural reaction to life changing events and/or disability in otherwise healthy people in many ways.

DH pointed out to me around the same time that once post-birth hormones kick in it gets easier, and I know he's right really, so I am hanging onto that. All you have to do with a baby is treat it respectfully and make sure food goes in one end and that the other end is cleaned up, and if you go through the motions there is almost always enough sort of bonding after a little while. So the odds are very good that it will all work out reasonably well, and that's all you need.

Its quite normal to feel like that sometimes.
I found out in the summer I was unexpectedly pregnant with number 4 which was totally unplanned. Given my age (41) I'd assumed it was the menopause The first few weeks/months I was in denial and only started telling people at around 18 weeks when I couldn't hide it any longer. I felt too old to have another baby and the fact that my eldest is doing GCSE's at the moment and going to college to do A levels this autumn makes me feel even older!

I've also had SPD since around 20 weeks and walking is agony. I've also got severe back problems and have been pretty much in constant pain for the last 5 months and feel like a worn out old hag.

I also wondered if I'd have enough love for this baby. However my LO is arriving tomorrow by CS and I can't wait to meet him and love him so much already. You will be exactly the same when your LO arrives x

You poor thing. You sound exactly like I've been feeling. Now 18 weeks with an unplanned 3rd pregnancy. I was planning to go back to work in september when youngest DD starts school. now i'll be looking after a newborn. I only ever wanted 2 dcs.

i posted a while ago with a message like this - and people gave me really good advice - and i'm sure more people will be on to give some help. it's really important to talk to someone in rl about your feelings. choose someone who won't be dismissive or pacify you - you want someone you can pour it all out to without being judgemental.

and it might take a good long while for you to feel anything... let along positive. i felt absolutely devastated at the beginning, now it's calmed down to a quiet resignation, and while I wouldn't say I'm estatic yet, it's certainly better than it was.

Let the midwives know as well how you're feeling - it's important they have a full picture.

I have to say i have felt like this also! its number 3 for me and it was planned! but i cant help feeling like what am i doing my dds are 9 and 8 and they are at a great age and now im going back to the beginning losing all the spare time i have and going through nursery etc. but i do remember feeling this way when expecting before and i wouldnt change having my kids for the world so i know its just hormones once she is here it will be all good! hope you feel better about things soon xx

I think it's perfectly natural whatever the situation. The thing about pregnancy is it feels so wrong to be anything but excited - life's not like that though.

Can I join the club too?
Currently pg with DC3 (early weeks), feeling awfully sick and wondering why on earth did I think it's a good idea to have a third!

Hi Deeja and everyone else. I'm pg for the first time because my husband is desperate for a child. Unfortunately I'm not, so I could have written this thread too! I've already had some support from mumsnet (completely brilliant place) and it feels better knowing that I'm a) not alone and b)I'm not some kind of freak for not being overjoyed. There does seem to be a fair few of us out there. One of my biggest fears is that I won't bond with this baby because I don't really feel as though I want it. I'm hanging onto all the advice that I've been given - lots of people say that it is sure to work out fine. I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

I have to say probably about a quarter of my pg friends over the years have felt like this too, and I have noticed a big uplift after the birth for most of them (once they have settled into being a new parent). It is certainly not all doom and gloom.

Don't forget there's a lot of marketing pressure out there to be the perfect mum with lovely glowing skin and hair and a big radiant soppy smile on your face. The reality is of course quite different a lot of the time.

This is my first and I'm too busy thinking about myself to think too much about the baby. I keep telling myself - and I think it's true - that this is an entirely normal reaction and that many others must be feeling like this. Threads like this are very reassuring.