'Going private' for second birth

[WobblyPig]

Was not infused with confidence by first experience at St George's hospital London. DH was even more shaken up than me and now finds it very hard to trust anything they do or say. DH is visibly very concerned about plans to have our second baby there. I am less bothered but I need him to be confident .
In-laws have offered to pay for private birth but not sure that this is right for me alhtough I think would make DH feel better which would in turn relax me.

What are people's experience of private births ? What would you describe as the main advantages? Were there any disadvantages other than the money?

A lot would depend on whether you are going for the private option for the entire pregnancy or just for the birth.

can you hire an independent Midwife? she can do all your ante natal and post natal care , can deliver you at home, but not in a hospital, although she can be with you as a birth partner.. and might be a better option?

Won't be having a home birth and feel that nothing fantastic or exciting is going to happen before 40 weeks so don't feel the need to see private MW before birth. it is only really the decision-making/ algorithm for the birth and the care during the birth that has us concerned.

doula?

Wobblypig Private births 'tend' to end up being more medicalised, which is fine if that is what you want. It seems that the 'service-provider' prefers guarantees for a paying customer iyswim, and this is at odds with a natural vb.

It isn't inverted snobbery that makes me fairly sure that even if I had the money, I would not go private. I would hire a very experienced birth doula though and ensure I had a private room, and then a housekeeper or postnatal doula for after the birth.

Popping myself on this for interest..

Snowlight how would you ensure you had a private room without going private though?

If money were no object, I think I would have a private birth in an NHS hospital (possible at St Mary's in London I understand). Private midwife a bit pointless for a hospital birth in my view.

Had private 1st birth, and will soon have 2nd at Lindo Wing at St Marys Paddington. The main (only?) advantage is the private room .... I think that the rest of the service is probably no different from NHS. But I definitely wanted a private room, so that's why I went private.

I think we just more control this time and more confidence that we are being listened to. Last time felt the MWs just follwoed the ' overdue' algorithm without putting much thought into why we were so overdue. No-one really listened to me when I suggested that a short women expecting a supposed 10lb baby with a non-engaged head at 42+ 4 days probably wasn't going to have a VB.

I think I will be more assertive this time by DH thinks neither he or I will be in a position to enforce our views and will be trampled ont his time like last.

my answer: home (water) birth. if ILs are paying, private midwife. i'd do that before a pvte hospital.

I suppose the question really is : how do you get listened to? All my encounters with MWs so far make me feel that they are there to be professionally nice rather than actively invovled in decision-making.

Certainly in Scotland you're entitled to have your baby at any hospital you choose. I'd talk to friends about their experiences and maybe get a recommended Consultant and hospital rather than going private. You could be just as likely to have a bad experience privately. Good luck!

call If you are low risk, most NHS birth centres give you a private room. It is normal for you to labour, deliver and recover in the same room private room, often en-suite.

If you are not low risk then you request a room and pay then.

Wobblypig I would strongly recommend that you interveiw a couple of doulas first, as you will not be obligated to hire them, but they might just be what you are looking for.

I was told by a midwife that the hospital with the highest severe outcome at child birth was at the Portland.

Can't verify it though.

Her arguement was that because they have a high caesarian rate tath their are more associated risks.

I was also warned that private hospitals can have less staff, so should it be full you end up at NHS anyway!

you can pay for a private room within the NHS.

a doula can be a good advocate and indeed that is why a lot of women hire doulas, to ensure that their birth space and their preferences are respected and listened to

Thanks

Foxytocin - don't feel I could even consider a homebirth after first C-S.I was planning on having a homebirth - although not waterbirth - before then went 2 weeks overdue; failed induction then C-S.

The Doula option sounds like it is worth considering. Just not sure how it works.

doulas support you before , during and after the birth, contact some local ones via:

www.doula.org.uk

and

www.nurturingbirth.co.uk

you could contact lovelymarslady or hertsnessex, both of whom are excellent, well known and well respected doulas

Thanks for that link Lulumama - might consider a post-natal doula. Not sure, based on the description that this si what we need pre/during birth. We need help with clinical decision process as we felt our concerns were given no creedence last time and yet i turned out to be right about the course of events.

Wobblypig Mine helped me compose letters, make phonecalls etc. Made sure I knew my rights. I had someone in my head to talk to and when my MW said silly things I just nodded and smiled thinking 'hehe, - wait until I tell my doula this!' rather than, 'oh dear, that's not what I want at all'!

It gave me a lot of confidence.

Good midwives work alongside doulas and appreciate them. Bad midwives are frightened of them and swap or are very very careful how they behave. Either way you are increasing your odds of getting what you want.

Doulas are not medically trained its' true, but they do usually know something about likely scenarios in different types of labours, and can buy you time, remind you and your MWs of your preferences and make sure you are heard.

Wobblypig I was in a very similar position to you. I had my first daughter at an NHS hospital and had a pretty bad time, so second time around my parents offered to pay for me to do it privately.

I went to John & Lizzie's in St John's Wood and can't recommend them highly enough. It is not true that a private birth will tend to be more medicalised - it just depends where you go. John & Lizzie's is very committed to natural childbirth, and their midwives are unbelievable.

I had a waterbirth there, and that seems to be regarded as the norm. My midwife was wonderfully supportive and encouraging, I was always listened to and respected, and postnatally they are very kind and patient!

I think that if the money is there for you to do this, it's the best option.

Aranea I have heard good things about John & Lizzies, but I rather think it is the exception than the norm.

I also suspect that the OP is prefering to stay in a hospital environment.

Thank you snowlight.

I ask because a private room - even paid for - wasn't an option for my first birth.

There were only a couple of private rooms on the maternity ward (obv delivery suite all private but they kick you off there fairly pronto) and they weren't available to pay for, or to arrange in advance, it was a question of asking whether one was available at the time.

But John & Lizzie's is a hospital environment. They cater for all sorts of births, from caesareans to water births. The only thing they don't have is a SCBU.

For me, the decision to go there was mainly to do with avoiding the situations caused by understaffing at NHS hospitals. There are lots of great midwives working in the NHS, but at the critical moment they may be short-staffed and you may end up with someone drafted in who makes the whole thing go wrong. Or you may end up labouring on your own without support. Or other worse scenarios. By going private you ensure that you will be given one-to-one support and by people whose ethos you are comfortable with. I was wary of other private hospitals, but John & Lizzie's birth unit is inspiring.