Home births for first-timers

[Deaconwood]

I'm currently trying to make a decision on whether to have a homebirth for our first baby. We've been keen on the idea for a long time, but still finding it almost impossible to make a firm decision.

All the usual reasons for wanting a home birth are there - taking things at your own pace, keeping things non-medicalised, being comfortable in your surroundings (both before and after), avoiding non-essential medical intervention etc etc.

For me, the thing holding me back is that fear that you could be part of the very small minority for whom something goes terribly wrong. I can accept the thought of having to transfer to hospital if things weren't going well, but it is that fear of something really awful happening that is bothering me. If you go to the hospital that fear is still there at the back of your mind, but you can hand the responsibility for it over to someone else. We are about half an hour away from the hospital.

Although these feelings are strong, I still can't quite reconcile myself to missing out on the kind of birth I would like. Is that selfish?

Do you think a first-time mother can ever really commit to a homebirth with proper conviction, when she hasn't seen that her body is actually capable of giving birth? If you have even the slightest doubt, are you really strong enough to go for a homebirth?

I am 36 weeks and really need to commit to one option or the other.

I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences - particularly of homebirths in Cambridgeshire.

Hi Deaconwood,

There is a big thread on the childbirth talk about first time mums and home births.(about 10 down on the first page)

Hope it is off some help xx

I had DD, my 1st at home. Things were more complicated for me because DD was breech. I made them a bit easier by using IMs.

One of my biggest fears of labour was having medical staff assume responsibility for me, my body and my baby - of being put on a time schedule of their choosing - of being asked to make decisions with only half the information and that half potentialy presented in a biased way.

By using IMs (which we didnt' actually decide on till about 36 weeks), I knew exactly who was going to turn up, I'd had a chance to get to know them and I trusted them implicitly.

For me it came down to trying to balance the risks. If things go horribly wrong at home then you're not going to be in the best place to deal with them, that's true - but if you've had a straightforward pregnancy then the chances of things going horribly wrong with no warning are extremely low. And at home you'll have a midwife there to pick up the signs (rather than being, potentially, on a ward with overworked staff and sharing MWs with 3 or 4 other women).

So I don't know where that gets you. I guess my thought would be that if you think your doubts would be strong enough to stop you relaxing at home and going with the flow then maybe you'd be better off at hospital (that's meant to be one of the big benefits of being at home after all). Then again, you can always change your mind - even once you're in labour. If you book a homebirth you can still go into hospital if you decide that's right at the time. Its much harder to do it the other way round.

Good luck - whatever you decide

I thought about having a home birth.

In the end we decided against it. It's my first baby, and I have no idea how my body is going to react under such strain. Whilst it'd be nice for me to be in my own familiar environment, I know I'd personally feel a lot more comfortable with the process knowing that if something does start to go wrong, I'm in the right place at exactly the right time.

Can you compromise, and maybe stay at home for as long as physically possible? I know a few people who have stayed home in birthing pools until almost the very last minute, when they wanted to be in hospital in case the baby for some reason needed a bit more help than the midwife at home was able to give.

I gave birth to my first baby in hospital. For my second birth, I planned a homebirth but I wasn't totally convinced it was what I wanted. I planned it anyway, but we told no-one of our plans because we didn't want any external pressure if we changed our minds. I went into labour clearly thinking that if I wanted, I would go into hospital. As it happens, all went well and I gave birth at home. I also gave birth to my third baby at home, and have always felt very safe because I have attentive, highly skilled midwives.

I don't think you can ever totally commit to one way of giving birth because you simply don't know how your body is going to react to giving birth. All you can do is plan for what you want, and be well aware that you may change your mind when labour actually starts.

In my local hospital they are happy for well mums with well babies after normal deliveries to go home after 6 hrs. Would that be something you would consider? As SWBL said, stay at home as long as you want to, deliver in hospital (if you make it in time ), and go home again.

Personally, I love the idea of a homebirth, but always chickened out...

Hi Deaconwood - I'm a first time mum-to-be and hopefully home-water-birther at that. I am 34 weeks today and have know from pretty early on that I wanted to have the baby at home (I started the first-time home birthers thread on the child birth section when I had only known for about 10 days that I was pregnant).

You sound exactly like me "taking things at your own pace, keeping things non-medicalised, being comfortable in your surroundings (both before and after), avoiding non-essential medical intervention etc etc" this is exactly how I feel about it all. Have I had doubts about whether I am doing the right thing? Probably once or twice, but no more than that, and not enough to make me change my mind. I have done tons of research and spoken to lots of people and believe that this is the right decidion for me, the baby and our little family, choosing to give birth at home (given I have had a normal pregnancy, am healthy and live very close to hospital). I would never advise you on what you should do as it's a very personal decision, but I just wanted to you to know that there are others out there like you (me!) and this is the decision I have taken (or we, me and DH).

Do let us know what you decide and come and join the HB thread as there are a few of us counting down the days to our own HBs!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/childbirth/573041-the-thread-for-first-time-home-birthers-or-thi nking-about

Have you considered using a Midwife Led Unit? Depending on priorities they can be seen as either the best or worst of both worlds!

Also assume you've come across www.homebirth.org.uk and the mailgroup linked from that site?

Thank you all for your advice on this - it has been really useful!

Tangle - we are lucky that at the Rosie in Cambridge we can choose between a midwife-led unit and a normal delivery unit. The midwife unit are happy to let you go home after about two hours if you want to, providing all is well.

After much discussion this weekend we have decided to go for a homebirth. We saw our community midwife yesterday and she was so supportive and positive that it really helped reassure me it is the right choice for us.

My pregnancy has been normal and problem-free so far, and so I would love to have a shot at a homebirth. However, if circumstances do change I feel comfortable about going into hospital.

Last night I even had my first dream about giving birth - it was very calm and reassuring, which must mean I feel comfortable with this option deep-down!

Glad to hear you've made a decision Deacon - and that you feel confident in it.

I won my birthing pool in a box in an online competition... which made me feel like I was destined to have a HB! Sealed the deal for me...

Come back and tell us the story xxx