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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Husband at the birth

11 replies

loganberry12 · 29/01/2009 21:35

I just had a strange conversation with my husband. I just thought he was going to be at the birth but he said "no i'll wait outside when you have the baby and come in after, couldnt be in there too squeamish." I was a bit shocked to be honest just thought he'd naturally want to be there. Thought id post on here for your thoughts?

OP posts:
cmotdibbler · 29/01/2009 21:37

If he really doesn't want to, don't force him. Find someone else to support you, and then he might find that if he doesn't have to be there, he will be able to be with you iyswim.

DH didn't want to be there, I got a doula, and he came and went as he needed. I didn't really notice to be honest

MsHighwater · 29/01/2009 21:37

These days that is a most unusual attitude. If it's important to you that he be there, you need to talk about it urgently.

sweetkitty · 29/01/2009 21:39

Mine said it was the most amazing thing he had ever seen in his life and there was no way he would have ever missed his daughters being born, I will never forget his face the first time.

This from a man who turns over Casualty if it gets too gory, he truly shocked me, even his mother warned him to stay away from the business end as it would "affect" him.

Onlyaphase · 29/01/2009 21:43

Think a lot of men would rather not be there TBH. Frankly I'd rather not be there either.

Having had a horrible labour/crash section with DD, I know DH didn't feel comfortable as he couldn't help me, I wasn't comfortable with him there as he couldn't do anything to help me. Would rather have had a midwife/doula/somebody who knew what was going on there, and DH waiting outside.

The question is, do you want him to be there?

mummy2joshuarileyandbump · 29/01/2009 21:44

My DP was/is the same, very squeamish (can't watch Holby at all lol) with DS2 he left the delivery room at the crucial point (went and had a little cry outside bless him) and when he knew the coast was clear he came back in. I think he wish he had left it a coupe more minutes as they had just asked me and my mum did we want to see the afterbirth and as i was very intruiged i said yes ...this is when he walked back in the doors lol
I think as long as you have someone there regardless of who it is, you will be fine

Pinkchampagne · 29/01/2009 21:49

My husband (now exh, but nothing to do with the births!) wasn't there for the birth of either of my boys. He is very squemish, to the point you couldn't even mention things like your waters breaking etc without him cringing, so I knew there was no way he could cope with the births. I had my mum with me both times.

Portofino · 29/01/2009 21:50

My DH spent most of the time sleeping/doing the Times Crossword/drinking tea with the MWs. There was a bit of back rubbing at one point, but generally he was a bit of a waste of space. I think if I did it again I'd want my sister or a doula there instead.

chipkid · 29/01/2009 21:52

My Dh would have preferred to be outside too I think. Particularly with the section! he is massively squeamish and on both occs he had to lie down afterwards! On the first occ he actually turned green-had never seen that before! However he never suggested that he would not be there. Not sure how I would have felt had he said this

Leanne5 · 30/01/2009 09:51

A lot of the time husbands/partners feel overwhelmed with the fact that they really don't know how to support their loved one when they are in pain. It is having no control over the situation. As a Doula i come across this so much. Also it is very hard to switch from seeing you sexually to giving birth. Not that it puts them off but most men are very visual than emotional.
Depending on how you feel it maybe an idea to have another partner, family or Doula that you can talk to about this. Then having someone else there with you means you have continual emotional and practical support and with you throughout your labour but also for your DH to. He may find the extra support great for himself- knowing you are being cared for plus someone to guide him who has been through it and he will be able to come and go as he likes. It might give him the extra support to stay in the room all the time with you too as he to wont feel alone.
Hope it all works out

newmumtobe84 · 30/01/2009 10:06

My DH is very definite about being with me, but I am beginning to think I don't want him there/to see me like that. Do you think I'm just being mad, or should I talk to him about it??

Leanne5 · 30/01/2009 10:48

newmumtobe84-I would talk to him about it. You never know you may have such a wonderful experience to share together. I was at a lovely birth a few months ago and Dad was glad of my support and he was fantastic through his wifes birth. When we spoke a week later to talk about it he was actually quite shocked at how he really did feel seeing his wife like that and really needed to talk about it. Once you have had baby and if dad is there talking about it after when you have recovered is great for the relationship as it is such an important time for the both of you. you then get to know how each other felt instead of keeping things your yourself.

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