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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Not keen on my midwife...

17 replies

SniffyHock · 16/01/2009 23:27

She's nice enough but I just don't get any warmth from her. This is my third dc and I really appreciated my previous midwifes who made the pregnancy feel very exciting.

Also, she doesn't monitor the speed of the heartbeat (she finds it and then stops - I don't get to really hear it) and hasn't yet measured my tummy. Am I being a bit precious?? It's just that I'm planning a home birth and she doesn't seem too keen - I know it may not be her at the birth but I'm really hoping it won't be.

Anyone else experienced this?

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lauraloola · 16/01/2009 23:39

Change midwives. If you arent happy or comfortable now then change.

Im sure she should check the speed of the heartbeat. I think thats pretty important.

Original poster

SniffyHock · 17/01/2009 08:31

How do I go about that though? She is the only midwife at my doctor's prectice. It's not just me - I have a friend expecting at the same time and she has the same concerns esp regarding monitoring. Do most midwifes measure your belly too? I'm 31 weeks.

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wasabipeanut · 17/01/2009 09:06

I had this last time round - my GP midwife was appalling. I found out the name of the head of community midwifery via my local hospital website and emailed. I had a phone call within about 2 days and was allocated another midwife who was absolutely superb.

Do it asap.

Original poster

SniffyHock · 17/01/2009 11:46

Did you worry that she might then attend your birth and be pissed off??? It's not like I can't stand her she's just a bit bleh ()

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Summerisle · 17/01/2009 16:32

I met my midwife for the first time and really couldnt take to her- she was very disinterested and a lot of the things I said were treated with disdain. Thankfully Ive since changed practice and am due to meet the new one this week- I really wouldnt have wanted the first one at the birth.

If I dont get on with the next one, I'll request a change. Would be worth you seeing if you can swap to someone else.

Good luck!

NewAmazingBeginning · 17/01/2009 16:35

I refused point blank to have the same midwife again and moved GPs so I didn't have to. The midwife came out to see me, said she couldn't guarantee a problem free birth and refused to take me on. Had to get the PCT involved to find me a midwife. Got a lovely one.

tumtumtetum · 17/01/2009 16:36

It's interesting that people get to see the same MW throughout their pregnancy. Round here you normally see a different person for each appointment and then get a different set again at the birth. it must be nice to be able to build a relationship (not if you don't like them though, obviously!!)

Original poster

SniffyHock · 17/01/2009 17:40

I think that's it tumtum - I loved my last midwife. She cared for me throughout the pregnancy and, although she wasn't at the birth, it was her that came out afterwards. She was really warm and excited about everything - this one is just a bit more businesslike.
I've just been feeling so rotten for the last few weeks, I hope everything is okay. And I want to play trains or horses when I hear the heartbeat but haven't had a chance!

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tumtumtetum · 17/01/2009 17:53

It's sad you can't get a good listen to the heartbeat... although i must admit I don't know about the trains or horses business!

Can you just ask her to let you have a listen?

Changing midwives like the others have said may be a good idea - but then with my DD all of the MW I saw were very businesslike and detached so maybe you got really lucky last time...

What about a doula? No experience of them myself but people on here seem to rave - and it would be one consistent female around all the time, and of course you would get to choose her...And I'm sure they get very excited for you (as they're pretty much paid to!!!)

traceybath · 17/01/2009 17:57

I don't think its standard to measure the bump anymore as it varies so much.

Also my midwife in my last pregnancy was pretty dire at appointments - just no people skills really. But was apparently fab at births and handled emergencies at home particularly well.

frazzledoldbag · 17/01/2009 17:59

I'm in the same situation and am also planning a homebirth with this baby (no3). Can't bear the midwife I've seen so far - very brusque, patronising and just DON'T LIKE HER. So am going to request a change of midwife / team and might specifically request the midwives that looked after me last time (but now in a different Team so not sure how that works). Anyway don't worry - just make sure you get someone looking after you who you are comfortable with and confident in. That's really important. Good Luck!

ranirani · 17/01/2009 18:11

I also do not know what to do with my MW. We have one only, she won't be at birth though, thats good. But the woman is so disinterested in anything, looks like she is gonna fall asleep every time I see her. Last time whilst i was there she popped out for 10 mins to get herself cuppa tea. I was just sitting there. Doesnt give you any advise, nothing. feels like she wants me out from her office as soon as . I tried to be friendly but despite the fact that she smiles and is not nasty, she just cant care less. I mentioned this before in few threads on MNet, I came with the list of questions at 28 weeks appointment ( 4 altogether) written down so i won't forget. you should have seen weary look on her face, when she saw my paper, she goes: oh, so many questions! I asked her about GBS, when can I get tested (just in case) , she said at 36 weeks. But I am so sure if i did not know anything about it and also because it is not routine she would never ever mentioned it to me. never heard from her anything about symptoms of pre-eclampsia, things that you need to watch out for. Even what you can or cannot eat. Luckily i do my own research. Friend of mine is PG at the same time as me. So the girl had a cold, she came to see MW at the routine appointment. So this MW when she saw my friend goes: oh, you have a cold, why did not you stay home then? now you gonna pass this cold onto me.
can you believe it? what else this friend of mine is suppose to do? And it was just some mild cold.

So this MW won't be at my birth BUT she will be attending to my newborn baby later. And I AM worried, as I said she cannot care less.
But nmy friend tried to change her and, guess what, she is the only community MW who comes to our surgery.
Next time I will sign up for hospital MW unit straight away.

At least I have a lovely GP.

Original poster

SniffyHock · 17/01/2009 19:16

Thanks for all the replies - I'm not sure if I am brave enough to request a change. I think that when I go into labour I will ask DH to find out who will be coming out - there is a team that attends homebirths so there is a good chance it won't even be her.
A doula might be a good idea, I may look into it... Thanks again everyone.

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lauraloola · 17/01/2009 19:35

If you arent brave enough take your dp/dh with you.

I changed hospitals and knew my midwives would be beat me down and I would stick with my local one. Sure enough they tried to stop me changing but dp was there and made them!

tumtumtetum · 17/01/2009 20:25

Sniffy if you want to find out about doulas there are loads on here who I'm sure would be happy to talk more about what they do and how to choose one, where to find one etc.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

me23 · 17/01/2009 20:33

hi there, sorry you aren't feeling very supported by your mw, you have everyright to request another. regarding the fetal heart NICE guidlines actually show that listening to fetal heart is mainly to give the mother reassurance, it has no real benefit clinically as it only tells you whats happening at that minute iyswim. The most perfect monitor of your baby is yourself and making sure movements are consistant. Also nice say routine listening in is of no predictive balue and therfore not reccomened.

Original poster

SniffyHock · 18/01/2009 07:40

Thanks me23 - that is interesting to know - I know that baby is very active and think that I do just want to hear the heartbeat for me.
I think that starting this thread and reading the responses has made me realise that I by no means dislike her enough to change and am just comparing her too much to my previous midwife.
If the birth goes the same way as my last one then a) it may not even be her and b) I will just be left alone to get on with it!

many, many thanks for helping me to see more clearly.

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