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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the sex, yay or nay?

22 replies

SheWillBeLoved · 16/01/2009 15:04

This is our first child, and whenever people ask if we're going to find out what it is, I tell them i'm not sure but probably not. I then recieve a chorus of "OH DOOON'T! There's nothing like the suprise blah blah".

DP really wants to find out as he's very much a 'planner' and wants to know what colour to decorate the nursery/what colour things we need to buy/what names we need to focus on etc.

Me.. I sort of want the suprise of being handed a boy or girl, but part of me is also like DP.

For those who have/haven't found out - did you regret it? If not, why?

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Haribosmummy · 16/01/2009 15:05

I did find out and I didn't regret it for a second.

nailpolish · 16/01/2009 15:07

THEY COULD GET IT WRONG

wem · 16/01/2009 15:14

we found out. never regretted it. dh said he felt more like a dad knowing we were going to have a daughter, rather than just 'a baby'

they can get it wrong, but we were fairly sure as we had two sonographers say with some certainty at the 20 week scan (had to fill up bladder half way through and got a different sonographer when we came back so asked her to check too!)

Myneaux · 16/01/2009 15:14

Im a first timer too and found out on monday that we are having a boy.

I am so pleased I know

It sounds silly but for the first time it really hit me that Im going to be a mum....I couldnt stop grinning all day and feeling stupidly excited !!

I think I was very excited before but now I can really imagine what its going to be like it seems very real.

But I always did want to know and I think its very much a personal choice.

crokky · 16/01/2009 15:15

I found out both times and didn't regret it. I didn't mind if either was a girl or a boy but I just wanted to know. We decided on names before they were born, although we didn't tell many people the name! I am just the sort of person who wants to know things. Some people like surprises, that's fine, but I prefer to know. I like to try and be practical etc - I gave a most of DS's clothes to someone who had just had a baby boy when I was pregnant because I knew my DD was going to be a girl.

If your DP really wants to know and you don't mind if you find out or not, then I would find out. It would be harder if he really wanted to find out and you really didn't want to find out.

Sometimes they can't tell and sometimes they get it wrong, but I preferred to ask.

MrsTittleMouse · 16/01/2009 15:15

MN (and real life) opinion is completely divided about this, so I'd just go with whatever you want to do. We found out and didn't regret it for a minute, and it certainly didn't spoil the joy of the moment of birth.

francagoestohollywood · 16/01/2009 15:18

We found out and never regretted it. If I had a third (unlikely) I'd want a surprise, just for a change!

Lulumama · 16/01/2009 15:19

I found out with both

first one as had convinced myself I was having a girl and refused to contemplate any boy;s names, and also am so impatient

I felt that there would be enouhg about labour/birth/early weeks that would be surprising, that i wanted to know as much in advance as possible

I had a DS

second time round, i wanted to know whether we needed to redecorate our spare room which was lilac and pink and whether to get out all of DSs old stuff. also DS wanted a brother, i was hoping for a girl , and because we had found out previously, we found out.

I had a DD

did not regret it at all, i had emphatic answers both times as to the gender, no umming and aaaing, we picked names, bought clothes etc and found it added an extra facet to the pregnancy.

it was something we both wanted to do, so that made it easier

first time we did not tell anyone except parents, second time we did tell people

it was still a surprise to see who the DCs looked like, if they had lots of hair, how much they weighed etc etc

so no regrets at all

Bubbaluv · 16/01/2009 15:20

I found out (both times) and didn't regret it for a second.
The actual day is SO full of surprise, excitement and wonder that it is certainly not lacking in any way just because you already have one question answered.
And the ability to get things properly sorted before hand makes life SOOOOO much easier.
I found I was able to really start to bond with my boys once I knew what I was having - it made them seem so much more real somehow.

onadietcokebreak · 16/01/2009 15:26

I didnt find out and am so glad I didnt......

cikecaka · 16/01/2009 15:31

I never found out on my 4 dc, it ws the one thing that kept me going til the last wondering what it was

Original poster

SheWillBeLoved · 16/01/2009 15:31

Thanks everyone whos replied so far

I suppose it would make life alot easier for the next 5 months! Plus I felt like the bitch from hell when I saw DP's face after telling him that I didn't think I wanted to find out but I do see it's practicalities, and i'm a very practical person so it makes sense!

We already refer to the baby as 'he' which I keep saying we need to stop as it could well be a she! I know they can get it wrong, but if we do go ahead with finding out I suppose it's just down to luck whether or not the baby flashes it's bits at the right time! If not - there's always the 4D scan DP is insisting on to try and have a peek.

OP posts:

wasabipeanut · 16/01/2009 15:31

I didn't with ds and I'm glad I didn't - I loved the ritual of picking a girls name/boys name etc. and didn't have a burning desire to colour co ordinate the nursery.

I am now preg with numner 2 and currently going through hell waiting to find out if it is viable or not (bad scan, HCG levels not great etc. ) and frankly if we get through this the gender will be last thing on my mind.

CoteDAzur · 16/01/2009 15:37

Find out.

It's a great big surprise whenever you find out the sex of your baby - whether at 5 month scan or at birth. Why wait another four months?

clapton · 16/01/2009 15:42

I really surprised myself and my family not finding out because I am so impatient! It's personal choice - do what suits you

Original poster

SheWillBeLoved · 16/01/2009 15:46

I've just text DP with "We can find out the colour of the baby.. if it's into flashing of course!"

He text back with "Made my day think i'll spoil you tonight!"

[best partner in the world emoticon] ;)

OP posts:

Lulumama · 16/01/2009 15:47

am sorry to hear that wasabi, i hope all goes well for you

treacletart · 16/01/2009 15:51

If you want to find out in advance but you're worried it won't be special enough then do what we did 2nd time around and get the sonographer to write it down and seal it in an envelope then go for a posh lunch or to the top of a lovely hill or wherever's special to you and open it with a glass of champagne. First time around ds was a surprise which was lovely, but I reckon after labour you don't realy care either way. Doing it this way made it a bit more special I think and of course we have a lovely little momento of a card with GIRL! written on it.

Bumpsadaisie · 16/01/2009 15:52

We found out at our scan on Monday (they were able to say it was almost certainly a girl - saw the "three lines"). We wanted to know not for planning purposes (we're not planning a nursery or buying anything but the absolute basics until we've had the baby for a bit and know what we actually need) but rather because we wanted to start imagining/bonding with the real little person in there who has started making her presence felt with kicks recently!

Really glad we did - makes it all much more real and I'm already thinking about "my daughter" and we're calling her "she" which is lovely.

I think its common to have a little mourning for the child you're not having - up to that point you've prob got the image of both a little boy AND a little girl in your mind. In our case it did mean saying goodbye to the idea of the little boy (at the same time as absolute delight about the little girl!)

However you quickly get used to this and its almost like you enter a new phase of pregnancy - because you know the sex and because the 20 week scan reveals that you really have a little person in there, not a blob!

Its also great for DHs - makes it all more real for them.

I found the 20 week scan really emotional - mixture of overwhelming relief that it was all OK, amazement about seeing my baby's little face, delight about my little girl and a twinge of sadness about the little boy who we're not having (this time at least!)

I'd say, find out!

Original poster

SheWillBeLoved · 16/01/2009 15:57

Treacletart that's a lovely idea Would seem alot more special than just hearing "It's a boy/girl" from a not very enthusiastic sonographer!

OP posts:

Bubbaluv · 16/01/2009 16:33

Treacle- that's a fabulous idea! Wish I'd thought of that!

mum2b09 · 16/01/2009 16:37

yeah i think treacletarts idea is lovely it would be such a lovely memory

one thing tho they are wrong sometimes and its not that reliable i wouldnt find out and go out and buy all pink or blue anyway imagine dressing your little boy in a pretty pink outfit im sure he wouldnt be to pleasse to see the photos in years to come lol.

this is my first baby and i didnt find out i just didnt see much point as i would find out when he or she is born and they cant tell you for 100% anyway xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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