Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

Feeling like I'm doing it all wrong...

15 replies

Zorra · 14/01/2009 12:04

Oh oh oh...

So, 10 weeks, first baby, and I just can't quite get my head round it. Have been trying to do all the usual things: quit smoking, stopped drinking (though I had a pint of beer last night and the guilt was terrible), vitamins blah blah. But I don't feel like I'm doing anything right. I really don't feel like eating, am not being sick now but everything makes me queasy, I am exhausted, including too tired to exercise, plus really weepy (spent new year's eve in an increasingly cold bath sobbing my heart out), troubles with DP plus loads of niggly paranoia...

Nothing is sorted in terms of my job, finances, maternity leave or pay (which I think I'm not entitled to at all)... It's all just a bit of a disaster and I don't even have the energy to think it through rationally. This is not like me, and I don't like it. And my rubbishness in pregnancy has me feeling like I'll be a shit mum as well Aaaaaargh!

Just wanted to vent really, it's all going round and round in my head and not getting anywhere. Boo. x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ameNbump · 14/01/2009 12:10

I can completely empathise with you! I'm 23, and 9 weeks into pregnancy number 1. Before i found out, i had been on such a christmas binge...pate,brie, wine, everything that's wrong and bad...I only realised i was supposed to be taking folic acid yesterday!

On top of all that, I only started my job 3 months ago, so like you, don't think I'll be entitled to any kind of maternity pay. Needless to say this pregnancy was not planned, and the feelings of guilt for doing it all wrong are huge!

So sorry, i haven't been much help...just thought it may be a comfort to know someone else is in the same boat!!

CatIsSleepy · 14/01/2009 12:11

ok first of all, your first trimester is not the time to worry about excercise and healthy eating etc
just concentrate on doing whatever you can to make yourself feel more human
when your morning sickness has gone you can think about all that stuff

Hawkmoth · 14/01/2009 12:13

Just to ease the beer guilt, I went to a Beer Festival when I was pregnant... and DD is fine.

I would be drinking the odd pint of bitter now (because they don't do a drink called despondent... haha) if the thought didn't turn my stomach.

Give it a few weeks. Your MW will be able to advise you on Maternity Pay, or Maternity Allowance, which is not paid by your company and is what I got with my first because I was still at uni when I got pregnant and had to scramble for a six month contract!

Take it easy, physically, and on yourself. I've been absolutely psychotic this time round.

cheesesarnie · 14/01/2009 12:16

zorra-its normal to feel like that.my dc are now 8,7 and 3 and i still feel like it at times pregnancy is a big thing and it is hard to get your head around it!your hormones are all over the shop!good luck with pregnancy-youll be fine!

mishymoo · 14/01/2009 12:16

Don't have much advice except to take things easy and remember your hormones are all over the place at the moment. But it will settle down as your pregnancy progresses!

1stMrsF · 14/01/2009 12:16

Classic falling apart type symptons for this stage of pregnancy - try to give yourself a break if you can. I cried over everything, shouted at DH for nothing, coudn't be bothered to do anything...

Energy comes back and hormones calm down and then you feel more in control and can do stuff again. Might be a little while, but it will happen. Just snuggle down on the sofa whenever you can, eat whatever you can face and survive until it gets better.

Do try to focus on not smoking or drinking because of course those are really important but worry about the other stuff when you have the emotional energy to do it. Work/relationship etc. likely to look slightly more manageable when you can consider the problems rationally and find solutions.

The other thing is, you have a way to go yet - there will be time to sort this stuff out and time to get your head around it better. Having the first scan and starting to get a bump all help you to adjust in a way that's just not possible at 10 weeks when it all seems rather surreal.

Good luck, look after yourself and come back and talk to us when you need to.

cheesesarnie · 14/01/2009 12:18

as for 'job, finances, maternity leave or pay' maybe go and speak to CAB.theyll do the thinking for you!

CoteDAzur · 14/01/2009 12:19

Be kind to yourself. You don't need to anything during pregnancy. All that self-doubt and guilt will come in due time after baby is born, but there is no need for it now

Seriously, make an effort to chill. I was tightly wound when pregnant with DD and she has been a very difficult baby and is still very anxious child. Chilled pregnant friends had chilled & easy babies.

littleboyblue · 14/01/2009 12:22

Zorra Like Cat says, now isn't the time to worry about all of that, there's plenty of time.
FWIW, the fact you've stopped smoking and drinking is bloody fantastic - 1 beer every now and then won't harm your baby. My mw last time told me to enjoy the odd glass of wine to help me relax, I had maybe 1 glass every week/2 just don't over do it. Also I am 36 weeks into my second pregnancy and still haven't managed to quit somking
As for the eating, for this pg, I was only able to manage criss and chocolate for first 3 months, my mw told me not to worry until about 16 weeks as it takes a while for placenta to become fully established and if I still had trouble eating well then, we would address it.
There is plenty of time to worry about mat pay and leave. Speak to your mw about it all, she will have booklets etc you can read.
It is very normal to be so tired at this point to, think of what your body is going through.
And please, don't worry that you're doing anything wrong or that you'll be a shit mum, you are showing all the signs of natural concern and worry for your unborn child.
It does get easier, I promise

Original poster

Zorra · 14/01/2009 12:30

Thanks all for the wise advice and hand holding. Think I'm going to book myself a day off work, have a long weekend and just sleep on the sofa Or maybe carry on laughing at this "I would be drinking the odd pint of bitter now (because they don't do a drink called despondent... haha)"

OP posts:

heavenlylily · 14/01/2009 12:32

Agree with all the posts on here. I was unable to face anything but carbs in the first 12 weeks - this was so different to my first pg where i had no sickness, a great diet, energy to exercise etc. Felt really guilty this time for not doing the same but was unable to face it all. It does get easier, you can worry about diet and exercise when you feel a bit better. I still have the odd glass of wine or bottle of beer so no guilt needed over your one off pint! Your midwife will give you advice re Mat pay, or your HR dept should have info. And like 1stMrsF says - it will feel surreal and weird until you get a bit further on. I still look at dd (nearly 2) and think 'how did I get here??' - all in a good way though!

cheesesarnie · 14/01/2009 12:39

long weekend on sofa sounds like fab idea!

xxhunnyxx · 14/01/2009 12:47

I can also sympathise, I went on holiday when I was about 5 weeks pregnant but I didn't know at the time, well I don't think there was a single day when I didn't drink through the whole 8 nights/9 days. I was also really naughty and smoked canabis a couple of times (only a small amount tho).
I was like u, couldn't stand to even look at a vegetable, never mind eat one! I lived off sweets/cakes/toast/crumpets/cereal and crisps for a good few weeks. I felt so guilty but I just couldn't face anything remotely nutritious.
I also couldn't think straight, I couldn't concentrate at work, it felt like my head was somewhere else.
I'm now 15 weeks and it's only really this week that I've been able to face cooking and eating healthily again.
Also, I'm just beginning to feel more like me, back to my 'normal' self.
I've still got problems to deal with but I've kind of put them to the back of my mind.
Basically what I'm trying to say is that things will get better and how you're feeling is totally normal.
As far as your diet is concerned your body stores nutrients and baby will take those if it needs to.
Excerecise - in a few weeks you'll prob feel capable of doing some, even if it's just going for a walk. It wont do you or baby any harm to spend a couple of months curled up on the sofa.
Bear with it, it will get better xx

CatIsSleepy · 14/01/2009 12:48

v good idea zorra-relax as much as you can, while you can!

Hawkmoth · 14/01/2009 12:51

I just know I'm going to have to bring the duvet downstairs as soon as I get home now!

I had a bit of a breakthrough yesterday and managed to eat half an apple, so maybe I can start eating fruit and veg again sooner rather than later.

Flip