pregnant and scared

[undecided2ndtimeround]

Please forgive me if I offend anyone by writing here, just didn't know where else to post this and have no-one to talk to about this in real life. Have just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant. This shouldn't be a shock because dh and I have been trying to get pregnant for the last few months. I have been on the conception board for weeks talking about ovulation kits, trying to get pregnant etc (I have name changed here) and now that I am pregnant find myself wishing I wasn't. I am so worried about how we will cope financially especially as we have one dd and our finances have picked up a bit now that we receive a few hours free nursery entitlement. Having another baby will cripple us financially. I deserve no sympathy, I know, because I have been actively trying to get pregnant unlike other women who find themselves pregnant through no fault of their own. I am wondering whether I got carried away with the whole trying to get pregnant thing and the excitement of trying to get pregnant, thinking I'm pregnant etc. Now that reality has kicked in I can see what another baby means lots of sleepless nights, no money, trying to manage with a new baby and a toddler.

I keep telling myself it might be my hormones making me feel like this but I'm not so sure. Has anyone else been through this when they found they were pregnant? I'm afraid to say I've just been on the marie stopes website looking at how much an abortion would cost. DH would never forgive me if he knew as he very much wants this baby, another thing that makes me feel so guilty and ashamed.

i wouldnt let fnancial worreis stop you having this baby.
Things always work out in the end, adn you will be surprised at how you manage.
You prob wont need to buy mauch as you will have baby stuff from DD1.
Buy from car boot sales/ charity shops.
ASk family to buy essentials when shhopping.
Good luck

It's probably just the reality sinking in and the current climate making you feel like this - you have both wanted this baby and been trying for this baby and I'm sure you'll get used to the idea.

Have you thought about the extras benefit-wise that you'll get when the new baby comes - tax credit is extra with a little one and there are other bits and pieces which all help.

Can you talk to DH about how you're feeling (although maybe not the bit about thinking about an abortion) it may be that he can reassure you that you will be OK financially.

Good luck x

I remember the panic I felt with my 2nd, and 3rd pregnancy, although much wanted, when it actually happened all those thoughts (money, space, sleepless nights etc) went through my mind and I had some doubts about managing. I think hormones have alot to do with it.
Can you talk to DH about your worries? Financially, well there is the £190 grant now, while not a fortune it may help, and you prob still have alot of things left from DD. Maybe have a chat with your GP or ask for counselling?
I'm sure you won't offend anyone here, wish I could be more useful really.

I remeber worrying how we could afford DS2, esp the extra childcare costs, but things just fell into place financailly, you cut your cloth, so to speak.
It will be fine

Am sure is your hormones exacerbating your worries. Things will be fine - babies dont actually need much (and with Freecycle, EBAY, NCT nearly new sales and charity shop bargains, various grants from the government (including from April £190 to buy fresh fruit with in pregnancy!) its a hell of alot easier to look after a baby for much less now than it used to be). I agree that you should talk it over with your DH - as it helps airing concerns like that. Congratulations on your pregnancy and good luck.

I know this might not make a difference to how u feel but im 31 weeks pregnant with my first baby and im only 18, when i found out i was only 17. I know i might have a little struggle but im going to try and give my child everything i possibly can and all the love ans support in the world. I am currently looking for a house for me and the babys dad to live in and still havent found anyhting and i only have 9 weeks left i found myself feeling pretty similar to how you feel in the early stages of pregnancy but i got through it. I suffered slightly from depression during early pregnancy and think you should speak to your gp or midwife about how you feel. remeber although u might not be able to give your baby the world materialisticly you will cope and giving your baby love and support means more than anyhting and remember your not in this alone seak to your partner i know that helped me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Good luck chick hope your feeling better xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thankyou everyone for taking time to reply and glad I haven't offended anyone. I seem to bounce between "I will cope" to "oh my god how will I look after 2 children".

mum2b09- really hope you find a house soon. I think you are so brave having a baby at 18 and you sound so strong. My mum was pregnant with me when she was 16 and I know she never regrets having me!

im sorry your feeling like this. when i was pregnant with ds1 my stepdad told me not to worry as there is never a right time to have a baby.... you always wish you could have more money/time/patience.... and that if you thought too much about having a baby then it would put more ppl off. i guess what im trying to say is that you have your dp and a dd already another baby was planned because it will fullfill another need to expand your family. there are always things you can cut back on and money should not stop you having a baby. try not to worry.. having a baby is a life changing decision wether its your first or 4th and nerves sometimes get the better of you. be strong unchange your name and get back to enjoying your pregnancy

undecided thanx hun so do i lol i promise u will cope being a mother is all part of nature and what was intended after all :D if u feel persistantly down make sure u mention it to your midwife.. i did i felt abit silly telling her at first but afterwards i felt reassured. you are not the only woman to have ever felt like this and although im sure its not all just your hormones they have a funny way of making things seem so much worse xxxxxxxxxxx

I had a panic when I fell PG with DC2. Had the same thought, two just seemed like so much more, more commitment, responsibility, money. And the guilt ... DC1 was only 5 months old, and although we were trying, I had changed my mind - but was already PG.

Your DD will have a sibling - that's important.

Your love will expand to enough for both of them.

It is quite common for the bond to come later with the second child - often we don't get the same 'whoosh' as we do with our first. But it does come.

I hope you are OK.

I think everyone (or at least the majority) is a bit when they find out, however much they want the LO. The reality is that no-one feels happy about being pg the whole time, but unfortunately when you even start thinking like that it makes you feel really shite for it even popping into your mind. Give yourself a few weeks to adjust and get used to the idea of your gorgeous new baby.

I felt the same. Fortunately, you get nine months to get used to the idea, get excited again. Things have changed again,your toddler is older than they are now. You know it will be harder but you will not want to swap it for the world when the time comes.

On the day after I found out I was pregnant with no 3, I sat at a pavement cafe and watched my two dc running around and I panicked. I love going back there now with the three of them and feeling the difference.

bubblebell1 you have bought a tear to my eye! Wonderful advice, thanks. It has taken me a long time to adjust to being a mother of 1 so god knows how long it will take me to adjust to being a mum of 2..

Have just read a thread on the behaviour and development part of the site with women talking about how hard it is having 2 children with a couple saying they wish they'd just stuck to one. Has made me panic a bit to be honest. Just wish I'd thought of these things through before I get pregnant.

You have done the transition from no children to one child already - which is the real big change i reckon (and hope - i am pg with DC2 at the mo!).

I'm sure the women who have said they wish they'd stuck to one are having a bad day and don't really mean it.

Everything will just fall into place just as it did with the first - I'm sure.

Talking to DH and GP are good ideas - I also think it's very normal to get depressed in early PG - I have been a right state really upset and irrational - and it's just starting to pass now I am getting into the 2nd trimester.

tumtumtetum do you mind me asking why you were upset when you were in your first trimester? This thread has been really good as it's helped me see that being worried about having another baby is actually a very normal thing. I didn't have any of these fears/worries when I was pregnant with me dd, I remember being literally over the moon. Just hope I eventually feel like this with the new baby.

I did exactly the same thing....surfed for abortion....begged DH to let me go and book in....I haven't even stopped to read your replies because I rushed to say that to you. I felt a bit mad (clincally, I mean) with the intense sickness and exhaustion but it passed before I looked for help. I am sure it will pass for you and you aren't alone.

Accidentalmum- thanks so much for replying. I have to admit I have been back on the Marie Stopes website looking at abortion. I daren't tell my DH as he would be so upset. I hope my feelings pass. I keep rocketing from acceptance at what has happened to feeling depressed.

Yes, I went through this big time.

It was later diagnosed as pregnancy anxiety, which comes out of nowhere when pregnant. (Not saying you have this mind!)

I desperately wanted to have a baby, but when I got pregnant, I was crippled with anxiety. It started to wear of at about 10 weeks, but I miscarried at 12 weeks, so hormones were receding at this time ascan showed egg had stopped developing at about 7 weeks.

The next time I got prgnant, I was on a low dose anti-depressant in preparation and no probs.

HTH

Hi Undecided

I don't really know why I was upset in my first trimester - it happened last time and I went a bit "weird" but this time has been much more intense. From about week 3-14 I felt really paranoid to the extent I got very worried whenever i had to leave the house. For some reason I thought people were going to run me over on purpose when I crossed the road. Plus generally getting really upset over silly things - thinking that everyone in the world is really horrible and just wanting to cause harm to others. So spending a lot of time worried upset and miserable.

I think I am through the worst now. I reckon it is hormonal - speaking to my friends many of them have experienced depression, feelings of hopelessness and being very upset in the first trimester. I googled "pregnancy depression" when i was feeling bad and nothing came up though - so although I believe it happens a lot it doesn't seem to be very recognised. It seems that people react in different ways - so if your hormones are getting you down you sort of zone in one of your fears and blow it out of proportion and get really upset and introspective. I guess that for you this would be the financial thing.

Have you spoken to DH about feeling worried etc? He may be able to help you put things into perspective.

I replied to this. Its vanished and I didn't say anything offensive in any way.

How weird bronze. Mine does that sometimes when my connection isn't brilliant. Or maybe MN server had a wobble. I would't worry too much. Have you experienced similar as well?

I mean similar to Undecided - not similar as in messages vanishing!

Thanks for everyone's responses. Still feeling really scared and panicky today, though have spoken to dp about how I feel. I have told him how scared I am about how we will cope financially and he's tried to reassure me but am still not convinced we will cope. He has said he will support me if I decide I cannot continue with the pregnancy which has made me a bit sad, in a way it would be easier if he said he'd leave me if I didn't have the baby etc.

Oh undecided.... I rememebr feeling like that, considering a termination for a desperately wanted baby...then nature took hand and miscarried it. I was heartbroken, and later went onto have a dd who is love of my life.

Please talk to somone about it urgently. Hormaonal is normal, but what you are going through (which I recognise so much)sounds a bit beyond this. I was told by a psychiatrist who specialised in pregnant women, that there are biochemical changes in the brain which trigger these emotions when pg. Not everyone is affected, but some people are FOR NO REASON AT ALL

As I said it as termed pregnancy anxiety and it as awful. Roller coaster of emotions, despair, anxiety, tears all about a baby which I desperately wanted.

Ante-natal dpresson is quite common and totally treateable. Please seek help from doc before you consider anything like termination

I was fine in first preganacy as well

Hugs...don't give up you will be fine when it is sorted, but don't delay in getting help xxxxxxxxx

How are you getting on now undecided? I felt this way too, then went into a great 2nd trimester, now have been hit by fear and panic and put on AD's.

I am just hoping to God it all comes together. Thinking of you. x