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[undecided2ndtimeround]

Please forgive me if I offend anyone by writing here, just didn't know where else to post this and have no-one to talk to about this in real life. Have just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant. This shouldn't be a shock because dh and I have been trying to get pregnant for the last few months. I have been on the conception board for weeks talking about ovulation kits, trying to get pregnant etc (I have name changed here) and now that I am pregnant find myself wishing I wasn't. I am so worried about how we will cope financially especially as we have one dd and our finances have picked up a bit now that we receive a few hours free nursery entitlement. Having another baby will cripple us financially. I deserve no sympathy, I know, because I have been actively trying to get pregnant unlike other women who find themselves pregnant through no fault of their own. I am wondering whether I got carried away with the whole trying to get pregnant thing and the excitement of trying to get pregnant, thinking I'm pregnant etc. Now that reality has kicked in I can see what another baby means lots of sleepless nights, no money, trying to manage with a new baby and a toddler.

I keep telling myself it might be my hormones making me feel like this but I'm not so sure. Has anyone else been through this when they found they were pregnant? I'm afraid to say I've just been on the marie stopes website looking at how much an abortion would cost. DH would never forgive me if he knew as he very much wants this baby, another thing that makes me feel so guilty and ashamed.

I don't really have any advice but didn't want this to go unanswered. You might get more response if you post with a thread title.
I hope someone comes along with some wisdom shortly.

Hi there. I am pregnant with our 2nd. ds is 17months and this one is due in 5 wks. When we started trying, we had decided I wasn't returning to work and that we might as well get having the babies out of the way now whilst I was at home anyway iyswim. As I was still on mt leave, we didn't even really think of the money. It's never been a huge issue with me as since moving out of home, my work paid for my flat and all my bills, I just covered council tax so was used to having more than enough money to live on so was int he habit of not giving much tought to expenses. Funny how quickly that changes!!
We now have a mortgage and all the bills, plus food and clothes for me, dp and ds coming form one salary and it's tough. God knows how it will work when ds2 arrives, but it will.
I spent alot of time worrying about this like you are, but there is no perfect time to have children and if we all waited for what we thought would be a good time we wouldn't have children.
All of your current feelings are completely normal, I have them all too, how will I cope with 2? What about money? What about space etc etc and I think the answeer is, you just do manage.

I can sympathise with how u feel.

Me n bf were trying to get pregnant for about a year but then our relationship went down hill. We split up for a couple of months, got back together and just carried on TTC straight away.

I wanted to get pregnant cos I've just wanted a baby for years but when it actually happened I just thought ''oh my god, what am i doing? i can't do this''. I was happy but scared at the same time.

I know that I got pregnant for all the wrong reasons and under the wrong circumstances, but despite all that I just really really want my baby.

But yes there were times at the beginning when I panicked and thought about having an abortion. But I had one a few years ago and it affected me very badly so I wouldn't even put myself through that again.

I don't think how you are feeling is unusual, I think that most pregnant women probably have fears and doubts at some point in the pregnancy. Whether it's at the beginning, middle or end.

If you feel like u do actually want the baby but it's just all the other stuff that you're worried about, then I really would suggest talking to your DH, I'm sure he will just reassure u about the finances etc.

Once you've been reassured I'm sure you'll feel much more positive about the pregnancy xxx

Oh n just to add to that.... It now looks like I may end up having this baby on my own. I have no idea how I will cope financially, my maternity pay wont even cover my bills. But I just know that I will manage somehow.
If everyone waited till the 'perfect' time to have a baby, ie perfect relationship, enough money, career all perfect etc then nobody would have any children!

You sound like you're in shock and hormonal. Take some time to get used to the idea and think about it. Do some of the things that made you go broody before (hang out in mothercare or something) and see how you feel in a while.

I totally understand how you feel. It is such a life changing decision to make, one you cannot change once made, I was obsessed with trying to conceive #2 it took over my life, it took us a year to conceive then to miscarry and now have a lovely new baby, but although I love DC2 to bits my mind has wandered once or twice as to "what have we done?" as life was just settling down well with DC1 but I just couldn't be happy with what I had.....

Have to say though I love being a mum of 2, but it is hard work (for me anyway) and my hormones and marriage has been tested and I am sure will continue as does life in general test us. All the best.