STD years ago, advice about telling midwife and confidentiality

[Belly75]

Hello,

I hope you can help. I have my first midwife appointment and I have a question about the notes that she writes, which I understand I keep and take home with me.

My question is, does everything I tell her have to go in the notes? I am in my mid 30's, been with my husband for 6 years and 13 years ago I had what I think was herpes (the STD). I am ashamed and upset to be writing this. But I had it once, and although all the tests were negative the doctors still said it probably was herpes. I've never had it back and when I rang the clinic recently, knowing I wanted to get pregnant and wanting advice, they said its likely / possible that although a virus, its burnt out of my body because I never had it back. Apparently this can happen with the milder strain.

Anyway, i've never told my husband. I'm not in the nature of keeping things from me and am ashamed I didn't tell him years ago. I don't want it in my notes and for him to see. Do you think the midwife will agree to keep it out and for me to inform the doctor at birth if i have any concerns? I want to be honest with her obviously so she's fully in the picture.

Im sure there's no problem in the midwife omitting this information from your notes. It's confidential and like you say you want to be honest so they get the full picture but there really no need for your husband to know.

Dont worry I'm sure the midwife will be fine and understand your reasons for doing this.

Hello. I can understand how awful this is for you and why you want to keep in confidential. It's essential that whatever solution you find makes sure that those who are caring for you are aware that you are most likely a carrier. I say this as someone who has recently given birth in a similar situation. If you were to have an outbreak around your due date, then the midwives would need to know immediately. There are risks associated with vaginal births during a herpes outbreak and for this reason they would usual opt to perform a c section.

If I were you, I'd book an ante natal appt which you attend on your own and discuss this in full with midwife. She needs to explain possible risks etc but I am sure will understand why you want to keep this confidential.

Thanks Backalleysally, this is my first midwife appointment so just don't know what to expect

I feel so upset about this horrible experience from years ago coming back to haunt me and can't stop crying. Need to pull myself together!

I'll speak to her and see what she says. Thanks for your message..

Thanks BlameItOnTheBogey, just missed your's... really helpful.

And don't feel bad - it's just one of those things. We all did things when we were younger that we wouldn't do now. Some people were just lucky enough to get away with it.... Congrats on the pregnancy and good luck.

Also a final thought. There's really no reason your husband would read you notes and see it anyway. They are spectacularly boring in reality and no one but the midwives bother with them.

Hey, I was in exactly this situation except I thought I kept getting mild recurrences of it over the last 10 years or so, maybe only 5 or 6 times.

Anyway, I just didnt mention it at my booking in appointment, espec. as DP was there and I didnt tell the midwife any other time because, like you, I didnt want her to write it in my notes.

I was horrified when I got what i thought was some small blisters again at about 20 wks pg and decided to go to the doctor. He almost laughed at me and said that it wasnt herpes at all and was a mild skin irritiation made worse by bacteria and gave me some cream to clear it up.

He reckoned that is what it has been every time - I cried my eyes out with relief. It does say 'worried about herpes but reassured' or something on the doctors screen now but not in my notes still.

I would advise not mentioning it at all. It's only a problem if you get blisters when you are having the baby, it wont affect the baby while she is in the womb. If you think you are having an outbreak when your waters break (unlikely as you said you never had a recurrence) then mention it then. You would have to tell them then whether it was in your notes or not so I dont think it makes any difference.

Also avoids potentially traumatic conversation with husband etc. which, from the sounds of it, could be completely avoided as you may well have never had it.

please try not to beat yourself up about it - I really empathise with you, but it sounds like you will have nothing to worry about.

I told my mw about a sti i had years ago and she asked if i didn't want it on my notes so it's just on the computer system and not my handheld notes.

Sprry just read your last line - that sounds like a great approach, I'm sure she will keep it out of your notes, as mamakim says.

YEs, talk to your MW who will understand (you wil not, by any means, be the first patient with a similar concern) and may well do what Mamakim's MW did.
BTW is your DH likely to read your notes? Is he medically-minded or one of these chaps who wants to share every bit of the experience? Because if he's neither, he's unlkiley to look at them anyway.

Hi there
I hope you don’t mind me messaging but I myself find myself in the same position .

Can you tell me how you got on ? Did the midwife omit details or support you etc ?

Thanks

Hi i find myself in the same situation can you tell me how yours went?

If it helps anyone on this thread I have herpes, caught it about 7 years ago and have had my daughter since and currently pregnant again.
To my knowledge it always lies dormant in your system, a bit like chicken pox. I was very anxious about it affecting my baby the first time round but I had a supportive doctor and midwife, I took antivirals for the last 4 weeks of pregnancy to prevent an outbreak and that just took the anxiety away.
I know it's different advice than what others have given you but I would be honest with both your husband (if you comfortable being so) and midwife and you can always ask her to keep it off your notes unless you get an outbreak during the pregnancy, which won't harm the baby but may mean you want the antivirals towards the end.
For anyone on this thread feeling anxious about having herpes and being pregnant please feel free to PM me, I'm happy to offer advice and support.

OP, it's nothing to be ashamed off. Many people have the virus either genitally or in cold sore form, it's so super common so don't feel ashamed to discuss it with your midwife who I guarantee has seen multiple mothers with it as well 💖

Personally yes I think you should be honest. Herpes can disappear for years and years and not have an active outbreak. It lays dormant in the body. I caught herpes when I was 18 from my first asshole cheating boyfriend and 20 years later I've only ever had 2 outbreaks. I will say that pregnancy can flare up an outbreak. It's already happened to me. The thing is of you have an outbreak during labour you will he advised against natural birth due to passing it onto baby. Just he honest with your husband. It's common. Thing is if you had an outbreak during labour would it create a situation? Perhaps husband thinking you've cheated ect