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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

8 weeks, freaking out.

16 replies

phoebe123 · 09/01/2009 00:30

I've just found out that I'm 8 weeks pregnant. After the initial shock, I'm now quite excited but really worried about the risk of miscarriage as I know it's common at the times that you'd usually have your period. If anything happened I don't know what I'd do.

I've also got myself into a bit of a tiz after a rather patronising conversation with my dad's girlfriend (I'm only 19) who came round whilst my dad was at work. She talked at me and made some really stupid comments about pretty obvious topics like 'I guessed you were pregnant because you've got quite fat', 'you know your dad can't be a nanny for you' and 'you're never going to be able to go to university now, you're stuck like this til you're 40' (I was having a gap-year). And some pretty upsetting ones, like 'you'll be all on your own, your boyfriend won't stick around' and that 'you can't live with your dad, it's selfish, he has to work'. She also keeps hinting at having an abortion, which I'm totally against. I found it very frustrating as my dad has been extremely supportive and if it was anyone else saying it, it wouldn't annoy me as much, but it's none of her business. I'm really all rather scared and lonely at the moment and this is not what was needed. What an idiot.

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solidgoldsoddingjanuaryagain · 09/01/2009 00:34

She sounds pretty unpleasant - but I wonder if it's down to jealousy. Is she young enough to want a baby herself, or does she have any DC?
BTW: what is the situation with the boyfriend? Is he supportive at present, or is he not on the scene?

mrsboogie · 09/01/2009 00:42

This silly woman is quite clearly feeling jealous and threatened. You should ignore her and don't let her bother you. She is probably just concerned for her own interests and is worried that you and your baby will get your father's attention and maybe even money that she feels she should have all to herself. Maybe she wanted to move in or get married and feels that the baby might out a spanner in her works? Otherwise why would she wait to say these things when your father is not there? I would report the whole conversation back to him and tell him it was quite upsetting to have her talking about his potential grandchild like that. Family is family after all and she aint't family!

Having said that she is right in one thing even if she expresses it badly and selfishly - the baby will now have to take precedence over everything else in your life - its going to be tough and you will need a lot of support. I'm not patronising you here - I had a baby when I had just turned 19 and if I could turn the clock back I don't know if I would do it again. I wasn't ready or mature enough. I hope you are!

Original poster

phoebe123 · 09/01/2009 00:43

No she's 50 and has 2 grown-up children. I think it might be jealousy. My father and I have lived on our own for about 12 years and are very close. I think she gets jealous of the attention he gives to me and our relationship, as theirs is a little tempestuous

No, luckily he's very much around, very very supportive and very very very excited

OP posts:

dancingqueeen · 09/01/2009 00:45

she doesn't sound very nice, I agree it sounds like she's jealous or feels threatened about how it will affect her relationship wiht your dad.

I have several friends /acquantainces who've had their child then gone on to get a degree. I haven't had a child yet (trying at the minute), but everyone I know who has a 'suprise' has got used to the idea and become wonderful mothers

its good your dad's being supportive. I'm sure you and your dad will figure out how it will all work.

also, my mum had children first then started a career in her mid thirties and she's now got a great career, its most definitely not all over now :-)

mrsboogie · 09/01/2009 00:48

by the way there is no reason for you to worry about miscarriage - yes its common but I don't think its any more common around the time of your period. And worrying won't make any difference so you might as well enjoy being pregnant!

MumHadEnough · 09/01/2009 00:48

Yeah, I'd agree she's jealous. Personally I'd tell her to f.o. and mind her own business

Original poster

phoebe123 · 09/01/2009 00:49

mrsboogie- I do think that's what she was suggesting with the 'university' thing, but yes it did come out badly
I am pretty gutted about giving up university, along with so many other things, however a friend of mine who had the same situation was able to go, when her son was 2 years old, on a part-time basis. I'm currently researching this to see if it's a possibility for me. I also think I really should face up to my responsibility, I know it'll be the hardest thing I ever do, but I have a large and loving family who have offered their support, as well as my lovely boyfriend. I'm luckily financially supported due to savings etc

p.s. thank you both for the replies

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HeinzSight · 09/01/2009 12:59

she sounds like a very unpleasant person. Has she always been like this towards you? Is she different when your Dad is around? I'm sure your Dad would be horrified if he heard all the things she'd said to you. Bad lady

May67 · 09/01/2009 13:24

Having a child shouldn't make any difference to you going to University or not. I had our first baby during my final year at one of the best Universities in the UK. It is hard but if you make sure you claim all you are allowed and can get childcare sorted then there's no reason you can't go. I had just turned 20 and DD is now 3, DC 2 on the way. There is never a 'right' time. Follow your instincts.

Mung · 09/01/2009 13:29

Congratulations. Your Dad's girlfriend sounds horrid. I'd keep out of her way and enjoy the attention from your Dad. It is clearly jealousy and she is scared, just be the bigger person and politely reply to her nasty comments and then move on.

I think it is possible to still study. It would be extremely hard, but there are ways of doing it. I hope it all works out well for you.

1stMrsF · 09/01/2009 13:36

Just wanted to say good luck and congratulations. Try not to worry about miscarrying - yes it happens, but no reason to think it will happen to you and this early time when you are pregnant but it doesn't show yet etc. is so special, use the time to get used to the idea and plan and dream a bit.

mrsboogie · 09/01/2009 18:03

I didn't mean to suggest that you should abandon your dreams of going to uni - only perhaps postpone it for a while - lots of people do it nowadays. If, as you seem to, you have a lot of support it will be that much easier anyway and you will be even more motivated to do well with a little one.

You won't feel like you are "giving up" things when he or she arrives - your life will just be different. I didn't have any support at all when I was pg at your age - I think maybe that colours my view a bit. I'm sure you will be just fine.

xxhunnyxx · 09/01/2009 20:29

phoebe ignore her! The only ppl who really matter in this pregnancy are u n ur bf. If you're happy about this pregnancy (which you obviously are) then u should be having this baby.
Yes it will distrupt your uni work but I've known a few ppl who've just had 1 yr out to have a baby and then left uni with excellent grades.
And maybe your relationship won't last, maybe it will, who knows? Most relationships these days dont last but it's no reason to not have a child. You could be 30 and married and then split up with your husband a year after having a baby. It's just life.
IMO you sound like a very mature 19 year old and appear to be aware of the responsibilities which will come with motherhood.
Maybe u should talk to your Dad and tell him that she's upset u and maybe he can ask her to keep her nose out?
Be strong and stand up to this horrible woman!

Original poster

phoebe123 · 09/01/2009 23:49

Thank you everyone for your comments

mrsboogie- sorry if I seemed rude, I appreciate your knowledge, it's nice to hear from someone who was in the same situation

OP posts:

keels26 · 10/01/2009 09:25

Hi Phoebe, I hope you are feeling better about things and not letting your dads gf upset you. I got pregnant when I was 17 and in College, it was hard work but tried my best and got through it. Ds is 8 now and had DD just over a year ago. Am still with the same partner and we have our own place(lived with my Mum when I was pregnant). Dont let people make you feel like you cant be a good Mum because of your age, if your ready to have a baby then Im sure you will be a great Mum. Good luck xx

GaribaldiGirl · 10/01/2009 09:58

phoebe - a baby is a blessing whatever age you are and you have your whole life ahead of you to enjoy your child growing up and take whatever course of education/work you want. i used to work with a girl who'd had a baby while at university. i, like most my female colleagues, left in my 30's to start having babies and have not gone back. We are both now in our 40's. She is now one of the most senior and successful directors (her child has log since left home, mine ate still at infant school!). Your stepmother may not mean to be so hurtful, she may be genuinely worried that your 20's will be harder and that you'll end up alone/unemployed/unhappy etc etc. Older people tend to assume the young haven't thought things through and she might be trying to ensure you really know what you're doing. The only person who can prove her wrong is you! My advice is to not give up your plan of going to university, whether you go now or when your child is at school. I think most universities will do everything they can to help you and make it work.

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