Need some advice Re. Baby coming on a day that would be really bad for me, mentlally.

[whatsinanameforme]

Ok, I don't want to sound silly but just need some advice, please don't flame me for asking but I just want to know what would happen and if theres anything I can do.

My baby is due 22nd May 2009, I am concerned that I could go over term, and I really couldn't have him/her on 31st May, its very complicated to explain so bear with me, it is my dads birthday, however my 'dad' died when I was 12, I found out when I was 16 that he wasn't my real dad, after spending 4 years greiving and going through a mental breakdown, subsequently that whole side of my family have disowned me,completly 100% want nothing to do with me, they are openly horrible to me, even going as far as saying things about me to my younger brothers to try and turn them against me, all to do with me receiving inheritance as they believe I shouldnt have.

Soooo, getting to the point, if I had the baby on 31st May, I think it would severly affect my relationship with the baby IFYSWIM.

I would just like to know whether there is anything I can do to stop the baby coming then, Midwife was really horrible when I asked about it.

Thanks for reading this far!

oh you poor thing

For what it's worth I felt a bit like that, when I had ds1 - his due date was very close to the birthday of his half sister. He arrived 2 days earlier but even so, it felt odd.
However - it truly doesn't matter in the scheme of things, it is only a date, it comes every year, other things happen on it too! You can't banish that date forever and having a nice thing happen on it might help balance its bad karma iyswim.

I'm sorry you're feeling so upset about it but try to keep it in perspective. It can't hurt you. The baby doesn't have much choice

A witnessed a friend deliberately delaying birth through sheer willpower alone, because she wanted to be there for her DD's school choir. So I would say there is some possibility of mind over matter re timing.

Even if baby comes on 31 May, this could bring about the closure and healing that maybe you have been waiting for. Something wonderful and full of love to take the place of hurt and horrible memories

Another thing you might want to try and look into is getting some counselling, just a few sessions, maybe through your gP practice.

They might help you sort out your feelings about the whole thing which tbh sound like they are a completely separate issue from the baby.

Good luck.

Thanks for your reply flihgtattendant.

Its really worrying me though, I think whats worrying me most is the fact that the date has such a profound hold over me generally that I feel like I would almost hold it against the baby IYSWIM? Its sounds really bad doesn't it, I know it wouldn't be the babys fault and of course I would love the baby unconditionally but Im worried thats it always going to be in the back of my mind.

I suffer from mental issues as it is, I wouldnt wnat it to tip me over the edge, and also couldn't deal with it being held against me by the other side of the family, they would see it as me trying to prove something,

I really don't know what I should do

Oh golly, yes no I didn't mean to sound patronising. I do understand and had many similar issues when I was pg with ds2.

I don;'t think you have anything to feel guilty about and it is perfectly understandable that you are worried you'll feel bad towards the baby - honestly. But I think iRL the fact you'r aware of it speaks volumes and should stand you a very good chance of not being affected at all when or if it does happen.

I think the fact you are talking about it now is a very Good thing

(I couldn't bond with baby till he was born but all the prep in advance made it easy to love him when he arrived...if that makes any sense!)

I had/have mental issues too

I know how weird and hard it can be, and how things can really grab hold and make you panic.

But my feeling is that you will be Ok.

Im really dissappointed with myself for not even thinking about it before hand, but it hadn't even crossed my mind, in fact until last night, when I was going through my new 2009 diary, that it hit me.

I guess the only think I can do is think positive!

This is really the only place I feel like I can talk about it, my dp knows my worries, but then I am a serial worrier so it probably goes one ear and out the other now.

I really hope I will be ok.

I think that I will try every technique under the sun to try and self-induce before the date.

hello

I can totally empathise with you. My baby is due on 2nd April, my dad died when I was 16 but his birthday is on 7th April and my brother in law only died last year on the 17th April so I was also worried about the connection and the implication as I didn't want my baby to be born with some kind of extra 'meaning' hanging over him. However my brothers first kid was born on the day my dad died and she's managed to shake any stigma off and makes me realise it is just a date. The chances are you wont give birth on the date and it will be furthest from your mind when your baby arrives. But if it does then I i agree with CoteDAzur and would take comfort in the fact that your new born can help you bring some closure to the matter. Don't worry about being upset about this. I cried my eyes out knowing I was having a boy as for some reason I felt that was more significant...

Hope you don't worry about it until B day.

xxx

Thanks for all the replies, its really helping to put this in perspective for me.

I just worry about everything!

Its funny how this pregnancy has turned me into a wreck whereas I wasn't fazed at all by the first! Wonder why that is, maybe its becuase I know what is going on this time and how precious things are.

I know exactly where your coming from, myy dd was due on the 19th January and this is the day my dad died from a tragic accident and i really hate this date, it is a really unhappy time for me every year.

when i went to the doctors and she told me my due date, i just thought no way can my baby be born on this day.

Well roll forward 9 months and can you believe it that night i went into labour, i just kept thinking i can't believe it, i then tried to say to myself that this date was such an unhappy day for all of us, including my mum and though my precious dd being born on this day could also turn it into a happy day, guess what DD was born at 5.14am on the 20th january

To be honest i would not sit and worry about it, i can totally undrstand why you would find it such a negative date for your child to be born on but try and turn it into a positive, babies are lovely and once your baby is born it won't mater what the date is.

I was born on the first anniversary of my grandad's (mum's dad) death. There were times on my birthdays growing up when my mum was very upset as she was very close to her dad and he'd died in an unexpected and traumatic way. But she never wanted to admit to it being a problem which made it harder. I think you are being really wise to think about it now and hopefully deal with some of the emotions. Your midwife sounds really insensitive, is there another midwife or a GP you could speak to? Also, like ScoobyDoo experienced, I think your body might somehow avoid that date.