who else isa annoyed with their DHs?

[ranirani]

My husband is really p**ng me off: I am 32 weeks PG, 1st time, have a very low pain threshold, and I know that labour is not chocolates and flowers. It is PAINFUL.
he is on other hand always refers to it light heartedly: " baby is just gonna pop out", " do not be negative", bla bla bla....
he feels I am making more of a deal than it is . friend of mive just had a baby, and she coped very well, did not even felt the oain much. Whe he heard that, he was like: you see, people make bigger deal than it is. Does not matter that I am trying to explain to him that everyone is different. he just gets really dissmissive and giving me a guilt trip, saying stupid things like " yopu just want it to be painful to prove me wrong, bla bla bla". trying to squeeze 49 cm head out of 10 cm hole is not a game. I just really hope he would see my point and took it more seriously! On top i do not drive ( my fault, could have gotten licence ages ago), he drives, BUT he is always late!!!!!!!!!!!! he was late for both of my scans, although he works from home, and there is no reason to be late. Every time I have an argument about it with him, he blames me for not having licence. I am just afraid when it is time to go to the hospital with me he will be procrascinating again!

I think this me being Pg and pressure with work lately is finally getting to both of us. I find him developing new habits that annoy the hell out of me. I just need a break. But my baby is due in the beg of Feb. he was thinking to take few days off and go to Europe, but then we decided against it, because anything may happen and I will be here on my own: no family or friends in this town. taxis are not always available at night time, and emergency from hospital: you know how it works. then dragging my hospital bag myself and going to hospital on my own is not really good iead. So we decided against it. Now we had an argument about whether labour is painful or not, and he says he is gnna take a breal for few days after Xmas. Great!!!I feel like I can't rely on him whilst he is here ( today again we were late for an hour for my massage) but if he is gone and labour will start then, what will i do.........
feel really really down now, like noone cares, and I am by myself......

oh poor you ranirani, you do sound stressed. Is it possible that he's actually just as anxious about the birth and having a baby as you are, but dealing with it with complete denial?

I think it's really common for men to get very worried before their first child, I know DP had a very wobbly phase and when it came to it he was fab and is a lovely Daddy.

basically until you go into labour you have no idea what sort of birth you will have, so he needs to shut up about it and be prepared to support you whatever happens, whether you find it tough or a complete breeze, but it sounds like he's really denying that it might be difficult because he's petrified!

Have you tried explaining that him being late is making you very stressed, and that you're feeling very hormonal, and could he make a bit of an effort?

I wanted to kill my DP for a lot of my last pregnancy and here we are having another one, so all is not lost (Still want to kill him though )

Thanks, WFM, for your support, you know what, i think you are right here, right on the spot.
I had couple of surgeries last year, and every time he would not show it to me before or during , but after, next day, he would let the stress out and would always tell me that actually he WAS petrified that something may go wrong. maybe this IS his way of coping. we, women, tend to talk it rhoguh, whereas men like to pretend that nothing is a bog deal. i know he will be a terrfic dad and he has been very supportive throught the whole thing. it is just these " pop out" comments annoy me like anyhting! I told him not to use these words again.

Oh God, I know it's a serious issue but you just made me giggle about your husband always being late! I can assure you that when you're in enough pain to want to go to the hospital he will not be late, neither will he be thinking it's a game. My partner was very blase about labour whenever we discussed it, he thought it'd be a doddle and that I would be fine. I think partly it was because he wanted to be positive, but mostly because he was seriously naive and uninformed!

When it came to it though he was not pissing about I can tell you, he knew that it was not the time nor the place, and later said that it was the most horrendous experience that he had ever been through, and seeing as all he did was sit and watch me for 30hrs that's saying something!

What I would say is - stop worrying about whether your husband gets it - he won't, not until he's seen it. I think that arguing about whether he will be late or not is purely because you are nervous about the unknown, you think it's going to be horrendously painful and that you won't cope and you're projecting your anxiety on to another issue. Ultimately if he is late you can get a taxi or an ambulance or the next door neighbour can take you or any number of other silly ways of getting there, first time labours don't happen in a click of the fingers and you'll have more than enough time to arrange transport.

As for the dismissive comments that he makes, let them wash over you hun, I know it's hard because when my partner did it it actually made me feel more anxious, but I am sure that when the time comes your husband will step up to the plate.

As for low pain theshold - that's what the drugs are for, and by God are they great!

you are right, lollipop, I am scared like hell............ and when I get dismissive remarks it just makes me feel i am all by myself....i just need to pull myself together; I will survive. it would have been nice to have a husband who understands and can support me in my anxiety, rather than dismiss it. I guess you can't have it all, hey?

He will surprise you when it comes to it, don't worry. And don't worry - you will get through it fine, pain relief is magic and you are built to do this!

It's really scary, hell, I'm petrified of doing it the second time, but it does just happen and then it's over and you have your lovely baby

And you're not all by yourself - the midwives are pretty aamzing too.

If you feel you need more support, have you considered a doula? They can really help. Try the Doula UK website for some more info - here

He will be there when he really needs to be though hun, at the moment he totally doesn't get it, he doesn't need to because it isn't him that's going to be pushing the baby out so he doesn't have that horrible fear that grips you at night that you won't be able to do it. But you will be able to do it, your body was made purely for this day and it knows what to do. It does hurt but you'll be amazed at how far you can go, and there are always drugs or MWs to help you through the harder parts.

thank you ladies, was very helpful.

merry xmas everyone