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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

New member, confused, alone etc.

15 replies

lulucrimson · 22/12/2008 22:55

*Hi everyone!) I'm probably writing what you've all heard / read before, but I've tried to read through every thread for answers, but my eyes are hurting now!
I'm 26 yrs old and 8 weeks pregnant with my first child, what I feel should be a happy time for me has become a really depressing time. The thing is since becoming pregnant I have started to feel that I won't be able to cope financially therefore I have nothing to offer my child. My boyf has recently lost his job and to me it seems as if he's not doing much to sort this, so I've told him to leave my flat, as he is not contributing in any way. I now feel that I will be doing it all alone. I am a teacher but have recently bought a flat on part buy/share so it's really expensive. I don't want to lose this, but am worried that maternity allowance won't cover my monthly payments and other bills.The financial worry is really stressig me out to the point of me ot eating and crying constantly. I just keep thinking that I will have to work till the very end (bab due aug. 3rd and school closes july 22nd)and return when the baby is only 8weeks...On top of this I feel unsupported by my mum, who basically said 'you should have been married but nevermind what's done is done', which translates to 'I'm really disappointed in you'. I just feel alone with no one to talk to about worries or happy things. I would be so grateful for any replies...about coping financially alone, when to take maternity leave, how soon to return to work and apart from the birth of the baby will there be any happy times ahead...

OP posts:

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tristaleejac · 22/12/2008 23:03

I don't really have advice sorry, but am thinking of you. It must be so hard for you just now. I do know you'll get some good advice and lots of support on here, so do keep talking about things with us all. If nothing else, at least there is a place you can talk openly about your worries. Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Original poster

lulucrimson · 22/12/2008 23:12

Thank you, it makes such a difference to have someone just say they're thinking of me. I read other threads and think that I should really pull myself together, as it culd be worse...but it just feels so difficult right now.

OP posts:

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 22/12/2008 23:22

I can't give you much by practical advice here, but in answer to the last part of your OP, there will be happy times ahead - many of them.

tristaleejac · 22/12/2008 23:27

Just take each day at a time, you'll probably have high days and low days, but just make sure you do a lot of thinking and take the time to properly decide how you feel about things.

Paperclipcollector · 22/12/2008 23:33

You seem like you are overwhelmed at the moment - but there will be plenty of happy times!

I remember very early in my last pg (around 8 wks - just like you) convincing myself that having a baby was like the worst possible thing in the world. But - and even though it kills me to write this - a lot of how you feel at the moment is probably down to your hormones.

There is a lot of support that you may be able to get - particularly financially - so I would start looking into it. Emotional support - do you have any close friends/ relatives? If not ante natal groups are a great way to bond with other new mums. Two close friends I met when at ante natal - we are on the phone all the time as our dc's are now all the same age.

Remember you will cope - and you will have lots to offer your baby. Sometimes the hardest thing is asking for that help in the first place - but you have taken the first step here! Good luck x

Original poster

lulucrimson · 22/12/2008 23:51

Thanks again...I feel that I'll be saying a lot of that here! I def know that a lot of this is prob down to hormones...but also not having anyone to share these feelings with, so it's just a big relief to be able to just let it all out here! My closest friends are either living far away (out of london), or they're just thinking of the nice/cute stuff that comes with having a baby not all the worries- all they say is 'you better not do anything irrational'
But hey ho enough doom and gloom - started reading through a few more threads (my eyes!!!)and things are making me smile and think I'll join the waiting for the 12 wk scan thread (when I perk up a bit, don't want to drag everyone's mood down!)
Thanks again for posting messages at nearly midnight, just to make me feel better!x

OP posts:

tristaleejac · 22/12/2008 23:58

Join it now, they'll support you and you'll not bring them down. We're all in this together xxx

Marathon · 23/12/2008 09:09

Have you managed to get hold of the Burgundy book? This outlines all of your entitlements etc. If you are in the NUT contact them and they will send you a copy. Or if you go onto the NUT site you can download it. It includes letter proformas for informing personnel etc.

My advice would be to try and work until the end of the summer term. You then will not have to start maternity leave until the day the baby is born, maximising your leave as much a possible.

Dont forget, as well as your maternity pay, there will be child benefit and working tax credits. Could you organise a payment holiday on your mortgage?

I returned to work when my son was 12 weeks old. Like you, I didn't have a choice. It was hard work but we managed and so will you. Good luck.xx

Tee2072 · 23/12/2008 09:22

You also might be suffering from Antenatal depression. Its not as common as postnatal, but it does happen. It happened it me!

Go see your GP as there are things they can do for you that will not harm your baby!

I'll be thinking of you also! HUGS!

littleboyblue · 23/12/2008 09:36

lulu first of all, welcome to MN, sure you'll get lots of useful advice here. I have done.
Ask your midwife for a copy of the parents guide to money (they have these in a box in the waiting room at some clinics etc)
We have a shared ownership property, dp works 60hrs a week and we are struggling a bit. I have just applied for housing benefit and council tax benefit. The council may be able to help with the rent side. Pop along to the offices and fill out an application form, you have to include some paperwork like bank statements etc, and even if you don't qualify now it might be different once baby is born, so try again then too.
Also once baby is born you'll get child benefit and child tax credits, everyone is entitled to those, you can also choose to be paid weekly or monthly with those so that also helps.
It will all fall into place, it really really will.
As for your mum, she'll be fine as ther idea of being a grandma grows on her.
Have a serious chat with your boyf, yu're right, he cannot live in your house if you feel he is not doing anything to better his situation. Has he been to job centre about signing on? I did it and got about £70 a month whikle I was job seeking.
Hope this helps.
Agree with Tee, if you don't feel better soon, talk to your GP or mw, it is very normal to be so overwhelmed and anxious at this time.
The only thing your baby will need is love and love. You can get yourself on free cycle, loads of stuff on there, e-bay shops are good for clothes etc too so you don't need bundles of cash.
Hope this helps

Heather1977 · 23/12/2008 10:17

Also, it is worth bearing in mind that babies aren´t that expensive at all in the beginning - if you are breastfeeding, that side of it is free, so it is only really nappies and you can get a lot of baby kit on Ebay for very little money.
Good luck and it is true, your hormones can really make you miserable in the beginning. It happened both times with me and then the sun comes out!
xx

B52s · 23/12/2008 13:18

Just want to say am thinking of you. It's hard being 8 weeks pregnant whatever situation you're in, but you are not alone! I mumsnet most days and it helps pick me up.

Original poster

lulucrimson · 23/12/2008 13:27

Wow!! Thanks (told u I'd be saying that alot! ) feels like I've got loads of information now - I'll find out about payment holidays and whether I can get help with the rent share, benefits etc, it's these simple things that my brain just couldn't think of, needed someone (or a few someones - thanks mumsnet!) to push it into action! x

OP posts:

ilovetochatupsanta · 23/12/2008 14:07

hi lulu, just wanted to say that i think most people think oh what have i done i can't cope at least once during pregnancy, i know i did, you are not alone.
mortgage holidays can be arranged for a year to cut costs and i managed to save some money while i was pregnant as i went out less, bought less things and didn't go on holiday so had this money to buy baby essentials.
i would talk to you dp again as he may have had the kick up the bum he needed and may now realise he has responsibilities. tbh support is as important as money sometimes and you may want him around when things settle down a bit.
hope you are ok

TheProvincialLady · 23/12/2008 14:14

Arrangements for maternity leave in teaching can be quite flexible depending on your LEA. It might reassure you to ring your HR department and find out what your options will be.

You will be absolutely fine and so will your baby. Yes you have financial responsibilities but you will get some help too and none of you will starve. Babies are reamarkably inexpensive and most of the stuff they really need can be got for free or very cheaply.

Hormones are a right bugger, now and for about the next 2 years But if you feel really bad do speak to your GP or MW. Best of luck!

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