Pregnant and being pressurised to abort for medical reasons - but my head says yes but my heart says no

[duke748]

Hi all.

I am faced with an impossible decision, but would really appreciate your thoughts and opinions on this, especially from anyone with any experience of similar situations.

I found out I was pregnant on Saturday. I am on acne tablets called isotretinoin which mean that the chances of my baby being born with severe 'abnormalities' are quite high. Medical recommendation is to abort.

Some googling bought up the following:

'29 cases of "adverse reproductive outcomes among women taking isotretinoin during the first trimester of pregnancy" were reported. Of the 34 exposed women reported, 19 experienced spontaneous miscarriage, and 10 babies were born with congenital malformations now understood to be the fetal isotretinoin syndrome.'

'Children with the isotretinoin syndrome often demonstrate facial asymmetry; serious external ear abnormalities, including microtia (small ear), anotia (no ear), or stenosis of the external ear canal; micrognathia (small jaw); flat depressed nasal bridge; and ocular hypertelorism (widely spaced eyes). The cardiovascular abnormalities commonly seen include conotruncal malformations, such as transposition of the great vessels and tetralogy of Fallot.'

I don't even know what half of that means, but its doesn't sound pleasant, does it?

Now, I think I am about 5/6 weeks pregnant, and know the sensible thing to do is have a tablet induced abortion, think its not meant to be and carry on with life as I know it. Its what the doctor and my boyfriend think is best.

However, I have this really nagging doubt that I could be aborting a perfectly healthy baby. I was only on a low dose of the tablet for 2 weeks. Or, if indeed the baby is severely disabled, does that give me the right to end its life? Is it even a baby right now? Or just a mass of cells?

I am so undecided. I would like to know if the baby is indeed disabled, however, I don't know if even that knowledge would make me abort. I worry about making a decision either way and regretting it for the rest of my life. I know that an abortion at 6 weeks would be less dramatic for my body and mind than one at 12 weeks, say.

I'm not sure I could actually go in and have the abortion, if you see what I mean. Actually book a date and turn up and go through with it.

I'm also not sure if I am mentally strong enough to look after a baby with special needs and all that that entails.

It might just be hormones raging through me, but I just want to protect this little one inside me, not kill them. But is that me being romantic and reckless instead of sensible and responsible?

I am just so confused. Any help or advice or anything would be gratefully received.

Thanks,

Duke.

i have read through this thread and although i can't say i've ever been in your situation, i think you are being very mature about this and putting your faith in what nature believes is best for you and your baby is very admirable.

whatever you choose to do and whatever the outcome is i wish you nothing but the best of luck.

x

Oh, gosh
Well, a lot of people have a bit of bleeding - it doesn't necessarily mean it's the end - will be thinking of you very much today, hope you are ok xx

Hi Duke,

Sorry so hear about the bleeding hope your ok.

I hope that you can enjoy your Christmas, its a bummer that all this has happened over the Christmas period.

I to also admire your attitude to this, and FWIW i would also let nature take its corse.

and just to add, do come over and have a chat with the posters on Special Needs, lots of them have already posted on this thread btw, but some of us may not look at this section

Oh my god, my heart goes out to you...what an awful situation to be in.
All I can say is whatever you do make sure it is YOUR decision.
I had an abortion 3 years ago because my boyfriend (now ex boyfriend) pressured me in to it.
I've lived to regret that decision ever since, and although it probably was the best thing to do under the circumstances it wasn't what I really wanted to do and I've felt guilty that I let somebody else persuade me to do it.
The other thing to consider is carrying on with the pregnancy and seeing whether any abnormalities are detected, the only problem with doing that is if a problem does arise it would be even more heart breaking to end the pregnancy and also not all problems can be detected with scans and tests.
I'm 12 weeks pregnant at the moment and I'm currently trying to decide whether to have the tests to see whether I'm high risk for downs. I've become so attached to my baby already and even if I was to find out it had downs at this stage I really don't know if I can abort. Basically, what I'm saying is if you think you do want to end the pregnancy (speaking from experience) it would be better to do it sooner rather than later.
Sorry I know this probably doesn't help you a great deal.

I took the same medication this year and had to sign a legal disclaimer saying that I wouldn't get pregnant whilst taking it and for 5 weeks after stopping the tablets.

I was also told by the consultant to use condoms as well as the pill whilst taking the medication because of the very high risks of birth defects.

You really do need to see a specialist but the risks of birth defects are so high that you may find you have no other option.

Hi - I just wanted to say that from reading each of your posts, you sound very much as if you really want to try to keep it and give it a chance, and if that is your instinct then, at the end of the day, its your choice.
It sounds like you do have time to push to see a specialist of some sort so that you can make as fully informed a choice as is possible. All pg's have risks that freak us out. But I think you are thinking 'what if we are the positive side of the figure in the stats'....that's what it sounds like anyway!

Good luck with it

How are you duke?

Am afraid I started miscarrying on Christmas day and still am now.

Without giving TMI, I know its definately a miscarriage.

Am of course very sad and in a fair bit of pain. Its just been a total rollercoaster of emotions.

I am going to continue to try to look after myself and hopefully can start to look forward once New Year rolls around.

I'll never forget this experience or my little bean though. Its definately taught me alot about myself and my beliefs.

Thanks again for all your help and support ladies, you have helped me more than you will ever know.

Duke.

xXx

very sorry to hear your sad news due748.

awww, I'm so sorry.
Take care of yourself.

You poor love
You sound like such a lovely person
Wishing you luck in 2009...wish I could do more to help

sorry

Be kind to yourself, you have been though so much and been so strong.

I hope its over for you soon and you can look forward to 2009.

Best wishes x

Very sorry to hear your sad news.

Sorry to hear that, Duke. You sound like a lovely person. xx

so sorry x

Take care Duke and recover. xxx

Duke so sorry to hear your news but I suppose at least now the decision has been taken out of your hands and you can now look to the future.
I'm sure you'll be back on here with a happier story soon, I know it probably wont seem like it at the moment but you will get your perfect baby sooner or later.
Take care {{{hugs}}} xxxxxx

Sorry to hear that - you are very brave.

It is so sad to read Duke's story. I am facing the same dilema I was told I am aprox 4-5wks pregnant last friday whilst taking Isotretinoin for the last 11 weeks.

I do not know what to do. The Baby's Father does not want to know so I don't have the support there but I know I have good friends and Family.

Doctors arent willing to refer me to a gynocologist i didnt realise the waiting list was so long when in this situation, they all think the best is a termination and are pushing me to speak to the abortion clinic.

Whilst Im not strong enough to bring a deformed child into the world this is all I have ever longed for and after 7 years of trying for a baby-not continuosly I cannot help but feel this has happened for a reason. I must add I was careful and used contraception whilst on medication so I have not been wreckless this is why I feel like it is my miracle baby. I cannot bear the thought of a termination I just can't do it.

I cannot find any support groups or any info of children born on the drug and their development info.

jade so sorry to hear u are going through this, it's every woman's worst nightmare.
I was there was something I could say to make things easier but it's just so difficult.
I suppose u just have to think about what is best for you.
Having an abortion is not the easy option that a lot of people think it is, what ever u do it has to be your decision.
Have u talked to any of your close friends or family about what you're going through?
Could you ask your doctor to refer u to see a councellor?

Hi I know this is old but I just had a baby boy while on accutane . He is ten weeks old and healthy . I was around 4 weeks pregnant when I found out . I’m sorry for your lose . I was in the same situation as yourself it was extremely difficult. Xxx

No one can tell you what to do but there is no central nervous system and not pain will be felt by the foetus ( if this helps)

@duke748

So sorry you are going through this.

I would say, that sometimes you are given all the scary statistics and told what will probably happen, and sometimes the worst DOESNT happen. If you're ok with accepting that your baby may have abnormalities and still want to keep it, then I'd say continue with the pregnancy. Unfortunately there is the risk of miscarriage, but there's a risk with us all. In the end it all comes down to how you feel inside, drs and boyfriends opinions are irrelevant until they are based on facts. You won't have any facts until you have scans etc.

Such a hard situation to go through, xx