How do you know when it's right

[FutureMum]

Been with OH for a few years, feel settled in our relationship, apart from that feeling of loneliness (family and friends scattered over two countries, we are quite new to this city and our social life is inexistent). Coupled with the credit crunch, this is all SO draining.
We want to try for children, but I am worried because I cannot afford to take maternity leave and have no family or friends to help us with the baby - no support at all. Sometimes it feels like we are in exile, and we cannot move out of here because of the cc.
Is this a good moment to try for a baby or should I wait until our lives improve? What are your experiences of parenting for two alone?

Mine hasn't popped out yet, and i'm surrounded by family so I shouldn't really be replying but I just wanted to put in my 2 pence worth. In my opinion.. there'll never be a 'right' time to have a child. You can have all the money/friends/family in the world, but that doesn't mean that you now qualify to have a child. They'll still throw a spanner in the works, they'll still turn your lives upside down, but then I guess that's the beauty of them

Hiya,
I got pregnant in June in similar circumstances, me and dh had just moved to a new city with a new job for me, him to finish his phd so very unstable income. My family are not in a different country, but much too far away for emergency support/ unplanned visits, babysitting etc. I agree with shewillbeloved, I'm not sure there's every a 'right' time to have a baby. But have a look at your financial status and do some sums. What's your maternity pay like? Are your and oh's jobs reasonably stable? How much money could you reasonably save each month? Could you live on oh's salary alone if you needed too? And do you have space in your current house for a baby?
If there's a way to make it work, then do. You will meet and make good friends in your job and through antenatal classess/ baby mornings. Lots of people have no support when they have a baby, but just be sure you can support yourselves.

Support isn't essential - DH and I have none and cope.

However, money is. Before we decided to TTC, we did the sums to work out how much money we had to have coming into the house per month, found out how much you had to account for spending on a baby and child (added a little to make sure), and worked out what we would need to buy or have (like some savings, a safe car etc) before we would start to TTC and worked towards that

Thanks for your thoughts. There is space in the house for a baby, although it's not ideal as one of the bedrooms is very cold and drafty. Wouldn't have extra space for an au pair.

We couldn't live on one salary alone, mortgage takes pretty much one of our wages, and that's before the heating and other bills. There's nowhere to make cuts. So after the first six weeks of maternity leave it would be v tight and I would need to return to work quickly. Is this feasible or do most mums need 3-6 months off?

Also, very concerned about cost of nurseries. Financially over stretched, so unable to save money. Can't really expect too much help from our families, but the clock is ticking.

We're in teh same boat - all family are far to far away to help with things. 1 set 5 hours drive, the other 12 hours!
We have 2 dc's and have made some friends through ante-natal classes etc.
I'm currently pg and for this and the last one, I've had to save for maternity as I'm self-employed. You will have to sit down and work out the sums to see what you can afford but do bear in mind that if you wait until you can actually afford it, you may be waiting forever.
My first dc was born when I was much younger, on benefits and I was a single parent. I then went back to Uni and we survived somehow - over the years it's become much easier and it all works out in the end.
Good luck with whatever you choose!

I agree with other posters that there never is a 'right' time to have a baby - we waited for the 'right' time with ds1 and it took over a year of trying (and I was 24) which for a lot of people is nothing but you have to consider that just because you decide your ready doesn't mean it'll happen easily anyway.

On the money front we're in the same position needing 2 salaries but look at help you can get with tax credits and childcare vouchers - your local CAB will be able to help you.
In terms of support for when the baby is born, I have family around but they all work and actually the people who help me out and I help them in times of crisis are those I've met since I've had the boys.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

Just to echo other people - there is a never a right time.... One thing I would say is that there is so much pressure these days on the need for people to have every latest gadget and loads of brand new stuff for the baby. We've managed to borrow loads of stuff, got more from charity shops and nearly new sales and also picked up things from freecycle - where there always seems to be loads of baby stuff. For the first few months, especially if you breastfeed and use washable nappies, the baby doesn't need too much stuff. You should be eligible for tax credits, child benefit and childcare vouchers too and that all helps. Check out what your maternity leave would be too - as you should get statutory pay for at least 9 months. Also, if your mortgage is a big burden, you could always ask for a payment holiday for a few months or something?

In terms of friends, if you make the effort, once you have the baby, you really will meet loads of people. Through stuff like NCT and aquanatal classes I met loads of people who were due around the same time as me, and we still meet up regularly. I know if I have to, I could call any of them in an emergency etc - having children exactly the same age, they really know what you are going through, and often understand problems, issues etc than other family and friends anyway!

Good luck whatever you choose.

Maternity leave pay, as I understand, would be 90% of normal wages for first six weeks, then reverting to around £150 a week for up to one year. I think I could get baby equipment and clothes from family, etc. The problem being I would need to go back to work within one or two months to be able to pay the mortgage. The way I see it, if your husband earns quite a lot of money, then you'd be fine taking the year out. But on cases where women earn 50% or more of household income, how do they do it? We couldn't survive in one salary for a year, not even if we tried. The things that really make us struggle financially are mortgage and bills, which are beyond our control.
Thank you!