Question for those who had private maternity care

[martha7731]

I'm currently pregnant and, after much agonising, made the very difficult decision to go privately for the birth, in an NHS hospital. This is for a variety of reasons - history of extreme anxiety, feeling I needed a level of one-to-one care that I couldn't reasonably expect the NHS to provide, wanted an elective cs and didn't feel emotionally strong enough to have to 'fight' to get it. I'm lucky enough to be able to (just) afford to do this.

My question is: if you went private, did you share this information with others - e.g. friends, ante-natal group etc? And if you did how did they react?

Part of me thinks I have nothing to be ashamed of and shouldn't have to lie to anyone, but on the other hand, I could do without the added stress of having to defend myself, face people being judgemental etc. And I just have no idea how anyone will react, or even if they will care!

I'd be really grateful to hear others' thoughts on this. I think part of my worry really is about my own guilt/issues about going private.

Well I would have gone private but no such provision exists in my region. I educate my children privately and we all have healthcare cover. Just an extension of this imo. you dont have to tell people, but stand tall if you do. What do you feel guilty about?

right - have a load of sympathy with how you feel as its an echo of how I felt . I was completely open with my antenatal group and they were fine with it as were friends etc. As for elective c section thing - again that is not an uncommon route for some people but personally I'd not mention it. After all its none of anyones business how you want to give birth etc so you're perfectly entitled not to discuss it.

Right this is going to sound like a bit of a rant/self indulgence - but I was quite open about the fact I went private and refuse to feel guilty -although I do feel angry that I ended up having that route (and sad that the kind of level of care I got is not open to all that want it). sorry if this sounds a bit ott...I had a terrible time simply trying to get into a local hospital with my first pregnancy (and I don't call hospitals that are 40 minutes away on a good run in london -near)... so ended up opting for private as couldnt get in. Sadly this pregnancy ended badly but the private care I got from my obstetrician was totally invaluable in helping me deal with this and my subsequent pregnancy. What I found much harder to deal with (and still do) is the shattering of my ideals - my dad was/is a GP and devoted years of his life (plus a good deal of his health/mental stability) to working on the nhs... to find that there was literally no room for me when it was my time and the only way I got attention (i kid you not) was when my baby died was pretty shocking. Therefore I didn't feel any reason to feel guilty - dh and I paid tax,did all the right thigns (I went to gp at 6 weeks pregnant to tell em about things) and still couldnt find any care locally... if I hadnt paid for my scan in that pregnancy I wouldnt have found out the issue (as were still arguing the toss about my antental care 14 weeks later).

the other thing is don't apologise for how you choose to care for your baby - if you went for a super duper top of range push chair, clothes , nursery etc you could end up spending near as damn it what you would on a private birth - I'm not sure that you'd have the same guilt about that so why should you jsut cos as you said you're putting your money towards something that is going to see you/baby looked after properly.

and agree - I felt angry re the system ratehr than particularly guilty

Thanks so much for that HollyIvyPoppy, and I'm so sorry your pregnancy ended badly. A lot of what you say is exactly what I feel - it's not that I feel guilty exactly, because I think I've made all the right choices for me, but obviously I just feel that ideally the same level of (excellent) care should be available for everyone.

the other thing is that as your pregnancy progresses you'll be glad of the care so more grateful than guilty. whereabouts are you thinking of going out of interest?

Martha don't feel guilty over choices you make for your life - ever.

You have the choice and this is due to others fighting to give you exactly that choice, men and woman died to give you the choice and they certainly wouldn't want you to now feel guilty about having the ability to make and decide what you want.

Thanks for your replies. Am planning to go with the Lindo Wing, St Mary's. I was just interested really to see what others' experiences of friends' reactions to this issue had been - as I know it is a divisive one.

Don't feel guilty.

My sister had three private births, all c-sections. I have had one NHS birth - natural as natural could be. There are pros and cons to both and I am very happy with the NHS care I received and would have wanted my sister's experience even if it had been available to me (which it wasn't, in my neck of the woods).