Very sensitive subject - I think DH and I now have v. different ideas nuchal fold and outcomes. Long post.

[Jackaroo]

I am about to have my nuchal fold/nasal bone/ blood test stuff done @ 12 weeks. Last time we had it all done, I didn't even actually think about why it was happening, or what we would do with the outcome if it is anything less than great. I assumed we would terminate. We were lucky, despite being older I had the risk of a 15 year old or something, so didn't have to think about it.

3 years on, I'm biologically far further over the hill.

DH had an uncle who had Down Syndrome, and lived well past middle age, but in a home, and back with family every Sunday (this was until about 10 years ago). Anyway DH grew up spending a lot of time with him.

As a result, he is adamant that he wouldn't want to bring a child into the world with similar problems. I take what he says seriously because he is the kindest most generous person I've ever met, so he's not someone who would treat differently anyone else's child with SN, for example. And of course, he is entitled to his own feelings, and to express them, and I've always known this.

Having been pg.,had a child etc etc, I don't feel I could now terminate any pg., just not have a child I've already been pg. with for 3/4 months.

I know I'm putting the cart before the horse, and shouldn't worry yet, but I'm wondering if I even want a test if I don't want the consequences of knowing?

and should I say something to DH now, rather than dropping a bombshell in a week or so?

Any thoughts? Similar experiences?

I have no idea who I argue discuss the MMR with!

I suppose I just don't think it would fall apart retrospectively. I think that's incredibly rare. The vast majority of people with a disabled child see the child first, not the disability. It's very different from thinking in abstract about a disability with no child attached.

If you think about how you felt when you had your first child, it would be exactly the same if you child did happen to have a disability. Usually for the father's too (and as your dh is ultimately saying he'll leave it to you, then I suspect he would be the same).

On the other hand if someone made me have a termination against my will I think it would eat away inside at me and probably become bigger than need be iyswim.

Hello, me again. Well I had a scan today (11 weeks)and it made it all much clearer, literally. It was a great picture, definitely a little baby (I've always been so scathing about embuing something that small with an identity but guess i've changed). It was dancing around with a perfect heartbeat, and there's no way I could do anything now. However, I am having the tests, just so that we know where we are.

DH doesn't know that I've crystallised my thoughts, yet, but I feel better for having a "bottom line".

Thanks again for all your help.

J