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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

I think i should have an abortion because i love my partner, but i don't want to

31 replies

rainbowserpent · 26/11/2008 18:20

I don't know whether to have an abortion or not. My partner 'made' me gfet one before, he bribed me basially and told me we had to do it when it was right i.e live in the countryside, have a small farm, in our thirties...not that i had a say that any of that mattered to me! HE matters to me, and our offspring was dearly wanted by me, but he said have an abortion or i'm gone, he even moved out all his stuff. But i did it (nightmare of my life) we are still together stronger than ever. We are only in our mid 20s and both phd students on small grants. Now i'm pregnant again, i was on a different pill but it just doesn't work for me, i don't understand why i follow the pack to the letter. I don't want to get rid of my baby even though i'm terrified of being a mother because i've always viewed myself as being too aloof for motherhood. I want my partner to be with me for this, but i know he'll bail as he was going to last time, and just as i decided to keep the baby, he text me saying 'i love you loads' and he doesn't usually do things so sweet, and i just felt like i wanted to break down and cry, i feel like a horrible horrible woman, i have to have the abortion don't i? I said i'd have an abortion if it happens again (although i only said that to keep him and didn't think it would what with the extra contraceptives), i just love him so much, i don't want to hurt him, i don't want to hurt our baby (the bunch of cells as he would call it), i just feel like i've let him down and i don't want to break his heart, he is so special. I have to do it don't i? and hope my tears don't give me away.
I haven't told him anything about the pregnancy because i'm too afraid he'll say horrible things to me and leave; i won't tell him until its too late for an abortion if that's the route i'm going down so he can't turn my emotions against me). See, i'm a terrible person, i'm horrible. If there was judgement i'd be thinking that i probably don't deserve this baby...

OP posts:
bubblagirl · 26/11/2008 19:02

sorry lots of typos i was just so mad write to quick lol

dsrplus8 · 26/11/2008 19:55

hes a pig ,dump him,keep the baby

Theochris · 26/11/2008 20:43

Whether you have an abortion or not, this man doesn't seem to have your best interests at heart. You should think very carefully whether regardless of continuing in this pregnancy he is someone that you really want to stay with. Though when you tell him you are pregnant he might surprise you?

You age isn't crazy, like one of the above posters, I wish I had been younger. Your PhD can be put on hold for a few months, and especially when they are tiny, you'd be amazed what you can achieve. There will be help for you, from the university and others if you choose to keep it.

If you choose to have a termination and it is something that is right for you that is a good decision too, but imo your post doesn't read like this is what you want.

Ema76 · 27/11/2008 16:16

was thinking about this in bed last night and if he feels so strongly that he doesn't want children then he should do something about it and have the snip.

PuzzleRocks · 27/11/2008 21:15

That's a very good suggestion Ema76. He should take responsibility instead of putting everything on you OP.
How are you today?

BikeRunSki · 27/11/2008 21:20

IF it is any comfort, a have a friend who wrote up her MSc dissertation when her (unplanned) DS was a tiny baby, whilst he slept. Another who finished her PhD whilst pg (the pg really focused her to get it done). And another (OK, my mum) who qualified for the Bar whilst having and looking after 4 children.

I also work with a girl the same age as me who is as qualified (PhD and Chartered) who had her daughter when she was 19. She raised the baby to school age and then went back to her studies. By the time she was in her early thirties she had "caught up" academically and professionally with her collegues, AND had a daughter in secondary school. More than me - my only child is 11 weeks old (and to be honest, he is so much more important to me than my PhD)! I'll be supporting him until I retire, and my collegue's daughter is about to go to Uni herself.

The big thing that all these women had was a loving supportive partner. You can raise a baby, study and live your life. You can not (or should not) stay with your manipulative bully boyfriend. You have more self respect than that.

That's my rant over. Whatever you do, please do it for yourself.

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