I don't know whether to have an abortion or not. My partner 'made' me gfet one before, he bribed me basially and told me we had to do it when it was right i.e live in the countryside, have a small farm, in our thirties...not that i had a say that any of that mattered to me! HE matters to me, and our offspring was dearly wanted by me, but he said have an abortion or i'm gone, he even moved out all his stuff. But i did it (nightmare of my life) we are still together stronger than ever. We are only in our mid 20s and both phd students on small grants. Now i'm pregnant again, i was on a different pill but it just doesn't work for me, i don't understand why i follow the pack to the letter. I don't want to get rid of my baby even though i'm terrified of being a mother because i've always viewed myself as being too aloof for motherhood. I want my partner to be with me for this, but i know he'll bail as he was going to last time, and just as i decided to keep the baby, he text me saying 'i love you loads' and he doesn't usually do things so sweet, and i just felt like i wanted to break down and cry, i feel like a horrible horrible woman, i have to have the abortion don't i? I said i'd have an abortion if it happens again (although i only said that to keep him and didn't think it would what with the extra contraceptives), i just love him so much, i don't want to hurt him, i don't want to hurt our baby (the bunch of cells as he would call it), i just feel like i've let him down and i don't want to break his heart, he is so special. I have to do it don't i? and hope my tears don't give me away.
I haven't told him anything about the pregnancy because i'm too afraid he'll say horrible things to me and leave; i won't tell him until its too late for an abortion if that's the route i'm going down so he can't turn my emotions against me). See, i'm a terrible person, i'm horrible. If there was judgement i'd be thinking that i probably don't deserve this baby...