I've kind of skirted around this issue with you before but I am at the point where I MUST decide to continue with this unplanned pregnancy

[hobbgoblin]

To date I have had one private scan, one GP visit, numerous heated discussions with dp, two convos with my counsellor and a counselling session plus scan at BPAS.

As a result of all this I am still not 100 percent certain what I want to do and have also established that as of today I am 8 weeks pregnant - a week more than I thought.

I will not have a surgical termination beyond the 9 week cut off and so I MUST decide NOW if I want to continue with this pregnancy.

I want to continue with the pregnancy, against all the odds practically and emotionally but I am not SURE if this is a clever choice and also whether it says more about my inability to choose termination in the absence of a 3rd solution.

I could be procrastinating to the point of not actually making a 'choice' iyswim??

Please oh please help me!

This is going to come out all wrong and I apologise.

I think this decision has to be the mum's. Both ladies on here seem to want the baby but it is the man who is mainly saying no.

Would you try for a pregnancy if you didn't want and he did, I think not. Why should you terminate because it is what he wants?

I wish you the best.

the crux of my dps problem doesnt seem to be having another child, as we both had already said we wanted another, its rather early though. The crux of his problem i believe appears to be that he hadnt officially said out loud "hey lets try for another baby" thus making it all okay as he was in on the decision, he feels largely that that has been taken away from him and therefor another child thrust upon him before time.

maybe that sounds all wrong. my opinion is if you willingly have unprotected sex having had the consequences of it spelt out to you in plain english and you stil want to go ahead then you deal with it and take your fingers out of your ears and stop singing lala lala lala
we have been together for 7 years, we've got through real hard times together, this in my mind is not really a problem, a little inconvenient perhaps but not exactly the end of the world. He's not a baby person, in 2 years time he'll be chuffed to bits. i know he will, he knows he will really, he just hasnt been in control of this, thats his problem i think.

I was just going to suggest a 3rd option of adoption - Upwind beat me too it but it is a possible solution.

Like everybody else seems to be saying, if you aren't sure then don't terminate. Your relationship would struggle to survive your guilt at doing something you thought was wrong so you may end up splitting up if you don't terminate or splitting up if you do. You might as well do what you feel is right for you, not him.

I hope it works out for you.

Kilty, your DP was the one who was perfectly happy to have unprotected sex even though you pointed out the risk of conception (and if he has half a brain he shouldn't need this pointed out to him). It's not true to say that "control" of the situation has been taken away from him (and why should he be in control anyway?) - he was prepared to take a risk.

I think for both you and OP your attitudes speak volumes, you both want to keep your babies. There doesn't really seem to be any discussion left other than to ascertain from DPs whether they want to be in this or not.

kitty, I hope you don't mind me saying but your dp needs a massive kick up the arse. He would be prepared for you to terminate on the basis that he wasn't in "control". And you both wanted another baby at some point anyway?

Good luck with telling everything you are going to tell him tonight. I really hope he comes to his senses.

had scan today am 11 weeks and 5 days, further on than i thought and actually means i got pregnant while very definitely taking pill everyday. Have told DP i cant have an abortion and tried to say why but all he can see is the reasons for having it, he actually handed me a piece of paper and said write down the pros and cons of having another child, errr fuck off lets see i dont need to buy a new pram or cot or bed or clothes or sling or toys or moses basket or anything other than nappies and milk if i bottle feed so your excuse of money is a bit lame at the moment, it then just descended into a whole "i hate you and i hate you" farce.

ive spent 3 hours in the hospital, ive cried a river, he cant even pretend to understand as a mother i feel it impossible to abort the sibling of our other 2 children.

We've rowed, he's gone out, i dont actually know after 7 years whether we'll survive and frankly considering some of the vitriol he poured out at me i dont know if i care.

who knows, i just have a smashing headache, 2 crying children a mega stroppy dp and hormones raging and lots of tears. he's seen how much ive been suffering and he hasnt even hugged me and said it will be ok. the shit.
i am going to enjoy this pregnancy, it will be my last and he is not going to ruin it for me, its a special thing. so i am going to read the other threads and see if some of the joy will rub off because i aint getting it in this house!

sorry to ramble on

I am so sorry for you having to deal with this alone.

thanks thenewme i'll be alright i always am! i am just really alone with this, only you lot know (which is probably quite a lot of people!)

sometimes i just feel this excruciating embarrassment that my life hasnt turned out in the perfect way i wanted it to but then i suppose whose does really?

im going to find the june threads as that will be when im due! i bet theyre all happy, am going to bask in all their joy for a bit im sure they wont mind sharing!

kiltycoldbum- I really feel for yoy. Can't believe how shitty your dp is being. I am suspicious there's more to it than he is letting on.

our relationship hasnt been easy for a long time, he gives reasons that are valid and understandable and i can see his point however i just do not understand how he can find it anyway acceptable to abort his own child, his childrens brother or sister and not just abort it but tear it to shreds and throw it in the bin. I cannot live with that hence cannot possibly do what he wants but how can he as a father live with that? i do not get it. there you go i suppose.

as for there being more to it than he lets on, i'll never know i imagine!

Kilty: lots of sympathy and good-luck vibes. Your DP is being an arse. WHile he is entitled to not want another baby, if he really didn't want one he should have held back from unprotected sex. The bottom line is that men are entitled to their opinions of an unexpected PG but the final decision is down to the woman and they will just have to accept that. OK he may decide that he wants out of the relationship, but you might find that a less awful option than terminating a pregnancy that you feel so strongly about.

Same to the OP: If you want to go ahead with your PG then you should do so: relationships do not survive a termination that the woman didn't want to have.

To be fair I would just say that, if soeone was posting that she wanted to terminate her unplanned PG and her DP/DH was against the idea and wanted the PG to continue, I would say exactly the same: it's up to the woman whatever the man thinks.

Lots of sympathies from here too kilty, your DP is being a complete arse but it sounds like you know that already. I would like to say congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope you get a bit of warmth from the June threads.

Hobbgoblin - how are you doing?

kitty, good for you. you sound strong and certain. please do try and enjoy your time being pregnant.

hobgoblin how are things going for you?

just read this...

Any news hobgoblin..? How did things go today.? Imo I wouldn't terminate, like others have said...you sound like you want the baby. If you have the baby and its not the right decision then you can make changes..if you terminate then want the baby..you can't change this..

Kitty,glad you are clear in your mind. I so feel sad for you...possibly having to go this alone. Your dp needs to remember, it takes 2 people to make a baby.
You can have {{{hugs}}} from the shhhh household.
I love your attitude and the fact you are determined to enjoy this pregnancy .
Keep your chin up x