Is this hormones or is my partner being unreasonable?

[me222]

im 20, my DD is 13 mnths and im 10 weeks pregnant. we live together have been together 3 yrs next yr he is 28. i work 39 hrs a wk as manager of a shop and feel really tired as i never rest i dont get much sleep as dd still wakes up crying for no good reason right thru the night. partner says i dont clean the house enough i moan to much i always bite his head off and am not very loving at the moment. problem being he is very quick to complain but he doesn't cook clean have our daughter as often as me or do anything besides work and play xbox 360! to me it just feels like i dont have time to think im like a robot either working and managing my shop, looking after my daughter, cleaining the house, decorating the house . . it never ends i just want a lazy day, is it too much to ask for?!

Hi,

Im 22, DP 21. Been together 5 yrs, expecting our first today. We too would row like you (still do sometimes!) before and during this pregnancy. As much as we'd patch things up, within a week it'd all be falling apart again. We both work full time too.

In the end, the only thing that worked was i said we'd have to either sort this once and for all or seperate (was pregnant and just bought house together so not an easy decision). We decided to sort and it literally took us 4 days of solid talking to do this. Instead of me saying "this is what you do wrong and what you should be doing" and him saying "well this is what i do and then you say" etc, we turned it into "what do we want from this relationship"? We both talked about our cons, it wasnt a slanging match about who was better than who and who does more cleaning etc, we spoke about what we both did wrong. Turns out DP found me to be too ruling, if i asked him to do something, i wanted it down now. We compromised so it came down to "the bathroom really needs cleaning today, can i leave u to do it?" It meant if he was on his xbox, i wasnt going in and demanding, he'd finish his game, turn it off and go and do it. He also said he wanted some more time to himself - he joined a local footie team and goes training once a week. He also compromised with me by doing stuff off his own back like sweeping and mopping the kitchen etc etc.........we're probably 6 months on from our last real argument and it truely seems to have worked for us.

Hope i've helped a little

are you due today?? wow good luck and congrats! it will b great i found labour the best part lol!! well the reason for asking is he's just given up completely and txt me saying he cant be bothered anymore and has broken up with me im not sure what to. instead of talking and resolving he has ended it. its good to know im not just being horrible tho because i said i think its hormones and he disagrees saying i never used to be like it the 1st time i was pregnant. i think its because this time im more tired i have a harder job and my dd to look after.

YANBU, how ridiculous is he?

You work full time, have a 13mth old DD and are pregnant and do all the housework/childcare?

No wonder you are knackered. He needs to grow up, put the xbox away and act like a man and not a 16yo boy.

Did you mean that he has told you in a txt that he wants to end your relationship?

Yeh due today - little madam shows no sign or actually wanting to come out though, doesnt matter what i do. Think its a sign of whats to come!

Well if i were you, i wouldnt enter into a discussion via text. I would ring him and say calmly that you would like to have a proper chat later. Maybe someone could look after your DD for a couple of hours so you can have some time alone? You'll probably find he's as fed up as you and is just trying to prove a point of how p'd off he is. I did this to DP, walked out on him once when he was at work and said i'd had enough and gone. It doesnt work. At the end of the day you're carrying his baby, he isnt going to just walk off and leave you no matter how he feels about u - u've got something of his worth more than that. Sounds like a bad way to look at it i know but it is true. i know if DP and i broke up he'd be more interested in his baby than me.

You need to speak to him calmly and properly and you need to do it soon. It is completely about compromise on both parts and both of you realising you could be better. No one is perfect, there are always things to improve and it is about looking at yourself and him looking at himself to see what those are.

yeh word for word i got - i dnt see any point in us carrying on anymore, i think we both knw it is too late, i feel shit and have done for ages but u aint noticed cos all u go on about is work and being tired, when was the last time u showed me love?
he hates me saying im tired but i am rele tired my one day off was wed as dd had 1 yr booster injection afterwards i put her to bed n then she was sick everywhere n stopped breathin i took her straight 2 hosp was there for 7 hrs didnt gt home till 7 pm dp finsihed work at 10 came in and said the house is a mess why havnt u done anything today? knowin i had bin stuck down hosp with our dd

God, he sounds like a right twat. I was ready to say that you shoudl sit down with him and arrange what he shoudl be doing and what should be your chores, until I got to the bit about the hospital.

Do you love him, do you still want to be in a relationship with him?

you are sill young - is this what you want for your life, or the example you want to set for your daughter? It can't be an easy situation, but you need to decide what you deserve and I am sure it is more than you are getting - if he is nearly 28 why on earth is he playing on a kids computer game instead of offering you help and support? Good luck

Lol at the 'kids computer game' babyc - you are clearly a lucky lucky one without a dh/dp who has one of these!! My dh is 42 and similarly addicted - tho not, me222, as unreasonable as yours. He can't be a complete idiot, surely - to expect you to do everything?? You need to think about whether you want to save it first of all, THEN as ple above have suggested, arrange to talk to him and try to get him to see it from your perspective.

Oh my gosh this guy is behaving like a selfish jerk. I feel so so bad for you

Sometimes I think these men really don't understand how totally exhausting being pregnant is.

you are well shot of him....

He is behaving like a selfish juvenile twat - you poor thing. Do you think he really would walk away and leave his children? He really needs to know how hard you have it - it would be great if you could leave him with your youngest and go and stay with a friend or your mum for a couple of days and then come back and see how he has fared working, looking after the LO and keeping the house clean. He may be like this because his mum did everything around the house and his dad nothing when he was growing up and that is how he thinks things should be.

If you think your relationship is worth saving you should consider going for counseling - this man needs to see the error of his ways. If not you may have to resign yourself to being a young single working mum.

Dan39 - I didn't think it was lucky - I honestly don't know anyone over the age of 18 who plays computer games, and I really would worry if my husband spent his spare time on one!
But ms222, I hope you are getting some reassurance that it isn't you - your partner is being unreasonable so don't feel that it is your fault. I like the idea of leaving him with your dd for a while, a friend of mine did this when her partner was complaining - he soon stopped!

no babyc - you are lucky - I believe the average age of a games console user is somewhere in the 30s or 40s! These consoles and games are very expensive and you generally need quite a bit of disposable income to be able to afford the habit.

My OH is 28, a brilliant dad but addicted to his games, as is his dad who is in his 50s!

Me222 - I see both sides of the coin. I see my relationship that was failing but with some help and a lot of hard work, has done a 180 and is now fantastic. I also see my sister in you who had a tit of a bf and walked away and is now so so happy and is much better in herself.

You need to weigh up what you think and feel - however you need to keep it amicable to a certain extent, for the sake of your baby.