Really worried about the birth of second baby

[chloemegjess]

Hello. Sorry to winge but I am really starting to wrry about the birth.

My first baby, born 10 months ago, I didn't have a great birth and was in labour for 49 hours after my waters broke, contractions the whole time. Didn't sleep through any of it because of the pain. Hospital were awful, dirty, rude, understaffed, overcrowded etc. And I almost had to stay on the ward to give birth as there were no delivery rooms avaliable till the last min. I am VERY VERY VERY needle phobic but had to have drips for antibiotics, fluids, induction (to speed things up). Midwife gave me pethadine without my permission as were generally so crap.

ANYWAY. After the birth I didn't bond with my baby for a good few hours as I was so tired and in pain still. I can't understand anybody who says "you forget the pain as soon as you have the baby" I didn't at all. I had flashbacks and nightmares for weeks and since being pregnant, they have started to come back.

I am going to a different hospital this time, which I had to fight for but this one has a birthing center so hoping things will be much different but that is wishful thinking.

Has anybody else felt like this? I keep hearing people say how they look forward to birth, and you forget the pain straight away etc (I can still remember it vividly).

Can you talk to your midwife about this - or does your hospital offer a birth afterthoughts service. I had a traumatic first delivery and went through my notes with a senior midwife and it really helped me come to terms with it.

I'm sorry you are so scared.

The thing is, As I am not at my local hospital, I don't seem to have as much support. I have had one booking appointment with a midwife at the hospital but that is it. I have made an appointment to see the midwife at my GPs surgery, which she didn't really want to do as I am not at the local hospital. But other than that, I just have my 20 weeks scan.

I am 17 weeks by the way, didn't mention that.

And this pregnancy wasn't planned. I didn't want to get pregnant until I was over this completely as I knew it would be harder when pregnant. But when my DD was 6 months, despite breastfeeding and being on the mini pill, I fell pregnant with this one. We are happy to be having another baby but just don't want to be there at the birth!

I feel really bad as I just haven't been able to get excited about the baby because of this.

Yes I have two children and am still breastfeeding the first....it happens a lot

Okay, well you have several options. You could contact the birth trauma association and call them and talk to one of their folks. Or go to your GP. You are entitled to six counselling sessions on the NHS. Explain your problem to the GP and request a referral. If you can talk about it at length you can probably put it to bed.

I also tried hypnobirthing CDs to get over my first birth (which ended in an emergency section) - in the end I had another section but I had put the first experience to bed before then so it was actually fine.

I was on the mini pill as well as breastfeeding so wasn't replying on just that.

I am very wary of talking to my doctor as she is never very simpathetic and is very much a "you will be fine" type of doctor.

Is there just one doctor at the practice? Can you go see someone else?

Look you aren't just feeling a bit blue here - post traumatic stress disorder in the post partum period is a medical condition.

Some sources of help: www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/help.htm

Hang in there - you can feel better.

BTW congrats on your pregnancy. I didn't feel properly pregnant till week 28 for similar reasons. I was in total denial despite the fact I was the size of a bus!

Thank you, for being so nice. I will have a good look at the website.

There are 2 doctors at the practice, they are married couple. The man doesn't speak very good english though and is only there for a few hours a week. Will think about going to see one of those though. I will def speak to the midwife at the next appointment which is 24th

I think you need a doula! You definitely need some support, a good debriefing on your first birth and a bit of TLC to get through this. You shouldn't have to go through your whole pregnancy in fear.

Mrs Mattie and WMMC are right- talking about it and getting some support beforehand may make things far more tolerable, but if you're still feeling worried, a doula is a wonderful support to have- she can advocate for you, support you emotionally and will put you first. Are there any in your area?

I hope that you do get through this and are able to have a great second birth. It sounds like you deserve it!