Really Disapointed :(

[WorzselMummage]

Edit post
I just got back from mine and all i've done is cry for the last 2 hours
The sonographer had a go at me for buying 3 tokens for the photos and said that it'd be 3 copies of the same picture as they didn't have the time to take more than one, i know thats complete rubbish as the last 2 scans i had i've had 3 pictures and all the people in the wating room were waving around 3 or 4, the one she gave me in the end is rubbish anyway so i may aswell not have bothered
She did the bulk of the scan with the screen facing away from me, all the measurements and everything, i only got to see the last 2 or 3 minutes where she helpfully pointed out sich things as the feet and the head as if i'm some fecking imbecile who cant see feet, or heads for myself.. i didnt get to see the heart or anything, mt last 20 week scan was wonderful, they went though everything with me and showed me all the chambers int he heart and bits of the brain and the internal organs.

Then i said i'd like to know what it is if you can see, i think its a Boy.. she said.. ' yeah it is' turned the machine off and sent me packing with my shít picture, i wish i'd not asked, she completly ruined it for me.

I feel so down about it all, i had to go on my own as DF was stuck at work so i had no support atall.

I know my hormones are playing a big part in how i am feeling at the moment but i also know some sonographers can be amazing i got to seem more detail on my 12 week scan then the one i had today, i've had loads of scans and never been treated like this

I dont know if i am being unreasonable or if i should write a letter and complain.

Anyone else had a bad experience. I am really pleased no problems were found but i feel like i cant trust it as i have not seen it for myself, i went to mothercare on the way back and looked at the blue but couldnt bring myself to buy anything because I dont think i want to trust my Boy diagnosis as the sonographer couldnt be bothered to show me.

sob.

I agree, it doesn't cost anything to be polite, and friendly even. I know sonographers must sometimes have an unpleasant job, but I would have thought that their job could actually be quite enjoyable when witnessing the joy of new parents when they can see their baby on the screen.

I'm sure Worzelmummage is very grateful that the scan showed everything was normal, but it's not unreasonable to want to enjoy the scan as well.

I work for the NHS too and would hope that I never come across to parent's whose baby I am looking after as this sonographer came across to the OP.

It could be that she had just had to tell someone that their baby had died?!?!

The sonographer that I had at my 20 week scan with my baby girl was the same one that had to tell me my baby had died at 38+4. I was then in labour after being induced for 2 days knowing that at the end of it I would not be taking my baby home.

I am currently 18 weeks pg again, it is the scariest time of my life knowing that it could happen again at any time, I have my anomoly scan (20 week) scan next tuesday and to be perfectly honest if the sonographer treats me the same as you I would be quite happy just to know that my baby is alive and kicking. She sounds like she was doing her job and concentrating that your baby has all the right chambers to the heart etc etc. They are not employed to make sure that you get the BEST picture, they are employed to make sure that your baby is healthy.

You should think yourself lucky that he or she is.

I would not write a letter of complaint. If you really want to know the sex of the baby pay for a private sexing scan, they will do you however many pictures you want, that's what they are employed for.

I'm sure you do appreciate that your baby is healthy but please try not to be so mad about something well quite petty.

A friend of mine who was a sonographer and a really nice woman, used to get annoyed with people asking about sex and looking for pictures etc. I did think she was being a bit harsh, but HER view was that any question other than is the baby healthy normal strong thriving etc , was a silly question.

I sympathise with you though. It may be blah just another day at the office to them, but they should understand how exciting and special it is from this end.

I had a scan at 8 weeks with DD3 in the same room where 2 months previously they had told me I had lost a baby. I burst out crying and they looked at me as if I was mad!

I then had bleeding at 10 weeks and they told me they couldn't fit me in for a scan and to wait it out, this was over Christmas last year, I phoned up the day after Boxing Day and had this lovely woman who told me she would fit me in, I went along and all was well but again they were very curt with me, told me that I would only get one scan and that was it, you only get one up here at 16 weeks and I had had mine at 13 so no more.

I paid for an anomoly scan at 23 weeks.

She sounds horrible, you wouldn't be that rude to anyone would you - especially someone in a vulnerable position in your care.

I think the sonographer needs to get a grip, not you Worzel. I'd have been really upset too.

It's after all your baby, inside you, and she needed to take that into account. People keep saying maybe the sonographer had had a bad day, etc - well, perhaps the OP might have had trouble bonding with the baby, anything - I hated my baby when I was pregnant, really couldn't bear to even be at the scan, and if someone had treated me like this it might have finished me off.

Of course i am elated this baby is ok as far as we can tell but a bit of involvment while the sonographer was doing the checking wouldnt have gone amiss. It certainly woudlnt have made any difference to her to have put the other screen on while she was doing the measurements, it is my baby after all.

Pregnancy is hard for me, scans in particular after a mmc so i expected to get some reassurance and didnt get it, i left feeling as worried about my baby as i was when i went in and that surely shouldn't be how it is.

Maybe the sonographer had had a bad day indeed but thats not my problem is it.. i hope the sonographers who gave me my bad news last time were professional enough as to treat the person after me with a little respect.

Thanks for the support aswell ladies

AHB I'm kind of with you on this one as I have been through a very similar experience. That said, I had a very grumpy sonographer at my first 20 week scan, and since my DD ended up being stillborn at 41 weeks, it was the only time I saw my DD alive, and it was sad what a brusque experience it was. She also said she couldn't see the heart properly but no offer of another scan to check it again, so we were left wondering for ages (till the PM results came in) whether our DD had had a heart condition. (She didn't)

WorzelMummage, it would be an overreaction to write a letter of complaint, but it should have been a better experience.

I do think your sonographer was out of order, Worzel, and I can understand your disappointment. It is YOUR baby and YOUR body and therefore you have every right to be talked through what can be seen at the scan.

So far I've had one NHS scan at the EPAU, at 9w, as I'd had bleeding. The sonographer was lovely, talked through everything, showed DH and I the screen and gave (not sold) us a picture. In the ante-natal unit, where I'll be having the 20w scan, there is a big notice up saying 'sonographers will not enter into discussion with patients about what can be seen at the scan, nor will they tell patients the sex of the baby. Patients should arrange to speak to their doctor if they wish to discuss the scan'

Am hoping they are going to be nicer than that in reality. If not I think we will go for a private scan where they will go through the same measurements but take the time to talk them through.

Mrsboring, i am really sorry for your loss

I think Df and i have decided to pay for a private 2d scan in a couple of weeks, we cant really afford it but i spent the night stressing about it so i think its the only thing to do.

Thanks for letting me sound off yesterday, i know i was/am being a bit of a pregzilla

Hi worzselmummage..

You posted on my thread about private 4d scans last week. We had ours yesterday at 16 weeks and it was a fantastic experience, if you feel you want/need to then book yourself a scan, I felt so much better coming away from ours yesterday.
She took LOADS of photo's for us to choose our prints from, in the end we liked them so much we got them all on a cd!!

I can send you a copy of some of the pics if you want so you know what they're like.

At least you know you have a lovely healthy boy but I can understand why you were upset

oh mrsgboring so sorry about your lo . It makes me realise that what can be a routine "in and out" experience (I don't even like scans) can mean so much to other people.

I really sympathise with you, but I don't think you should complain. In effect she hasn't actually done anything wrong, she just wasn't as warm and chatty as you'd have liked.

In our area sonographers have 4 minutes per routine scan allotted - that doesn't really leave a lot of time for chit chat and trying to get a good picture

Yes the object of the scan is to check for anomalies and not to offer parents a quick bonding peek at their baby. But having had 4 scans now (14 and 20 weeks with two pregnancies) I see no reason why the sonographer should not allow you to see your baby and be friendly and personable. All of my sonographers have managed to be, although the most recent requested that we didn't talk until after she had finished looking at the heart and other things, which was reasonable. I'm sorry you had a rubbish time but I am glad you have a healthy baby

YANBU - I had a bad first scan with this pregnancy; the woman was so rough with me my stomach felt bruised for days (she also use the vaginal probe scanner which she was equally rough with, then when I asked if they had any clues to sex at this stage she replied, "only if I do an autopsy"

Sonographers are in the business of dealing with people going through at best, an exciting and special time in their lives and at worst, a time when she has to deliver difficult news. She should be very used to giving people the response they need.
I don't think of all the hospital jobs she could have this is a particularly hard or exhausting one, and she should use a pleasant kind bedside manner IMO.

I have had a total of 5 scans over my two PG's and all except that one were lovely ladies who patiently told me what I needed to know. We pay our taxes for this service and I disagree with the earlier comment that you should go private for a "guided tour"...

And trying to find reasons why she might have had a bad day are no excuse in my book either. My sister as a paramedic might have to walk down a train track picking up body parts, then go to a shaken baby, but STILL find a smile for the old lady who called an ambulance for a headache because she "doesn't like taking pills"... You were hardly being unreasonable expecting your booked and long awaited scan to be informative and enjoyable.

Kindness should cost nothing. But so often the people who have to deal with us in pregnancy and birth have seen it all before so much they forget it's supposed to be special, surely that's why they chose the job? Now in the case of overstretched midwives and doctors I can understand a degree of impatience, but the ones who sit in a peaceful, dimly lit room in a comfy chair like her have a cheek being rude to you, especially when her colleague has just sold you three pics anyway!

Sorry for the rant...

Sounds like she was having a shit day and took it out on you.