Morning Sickness - DH trying so hard to help but getting fed up and resentful. Any advice?

[mrsbabookaloo]

Me again with another moany morning sickness thread.

Every day, Dh makes an effort to help me with my morning sickness; brings me stuff in bed, tries to buy me stuff I might be able to eat...but at the same time he resents me.

We have several conversations every day where he says I'm not trying hard enough to make myself better or I'm being pathetic. He gets impatient when I don't know what I can face to eat, and very offended if I can't eat what he's brought or made for me.

I honestly don't know anymore. Maybe I am being pathetic and could be stronger in the face of this. I'm quite "groany", I sort of make noises to distract myself from wanting to be sick which he thinks is upsetting dd.

I know we just have to get through it: I wonder if there's anything he can read to make him understand better. Or any strategies anyone else has used? Has anyone else's dh struggled to understand what they're going through?

Deep down, I wonder if he doesn't believe I feel sick at all....

.

No advice I'm afraid - just sympathy. I don't think anyone understands how morning sickness affects you if you have it badly, unless they have been through it themselves. It's not the same as having a bug, which is as close to it as most people get. I hope you feel better soon. Have you thought of medication? I did it with my 2nd pg and am so glad I did - it meant I could actually enjoy it!!

Thanks seeline: I am beginning to think about medication...

I do think that the nausea is very difficult to understand - a bit like when you have a cold and feel rotten, but the minute it clears up you can't remember how awful it was? I had hyperemesis, so was violently sick upwards of 15 times a day - my DH could not ignore that!!! Even so, he was a grumpy bear all christmas day when I was too sick to travel/eat/be festive. I am sure he thought I should have pulled myself together for it.... We laugh about it now, but at the time it was not fun.

I had a nasty tummy bug last week, which has left me feeling nauseous for the last 10 days. Want me to come and give it to your DH so he can realise how debilitating it feels?!?!?!

Seriously though, how far along are you? How old is your DD? You have my sympathy. I can't ever face getting pg again after the horrors of morning sickness.

I agree about the medication.
I used it when pg with ds and it made a big difference.

I had severe morning sickness with my first baby. It was the worst thing I ever went through and I have been through some serious illnesses in my lifetime. I had it for 5 months and lost over 3 stone. I hardly got up off the sofa and dh had to do everything. I made him eat away from me in another room because his food made me sick. I would crave something and he would buy it and I would go off of it. I really thought it was horrendous.

Your DH is being a whiney bitch. He has never been through it so he doesn't understand and men are pretty ignorant and pig headed, especially when they have to pick up a bit of slack. It is always themselves first.

He should be thanking his lucky stars that he doesn't have to go through any of this crap or childbirth for that matter in order to have a child.

Don't take any of the "well I go out to work" BS off of him either. I have had a job where I worked 60 plus hours a week on my feet with no break and even that was easier than my first pregnancy. Luckily my last two pregnancies were a breeze.

I know I am rambling but I just wanted to let you know that you shouldn't be made to feel bad.

I used to just remind my DH that I felt EVERY DAY the way he did when he had horrific food poisioning and could barely lift his head from the pillow. Fortunately he remembers all too well how awful he felt (for about 2 wks). I just told him to imagine feeling like that all day and all night for 2 months (or more). He was more sympathetic after that!
I did try really hard not to be too moany - but it's hard when you just want to lie on the floor and cry.
Suggestions to help:
have you tried acupuncture - I didn't but I have heard really good results from this (just a couple of sessions needed I think)
Vitamin B6 supplements - look online for recommeneded dose (I took this with DD2 and this pregnancy and was much better as a result than I was in DD1 pregnancy when I didn't take it)
Ginger capsules - again can work well for many women
Eat every 2 hrs (something small and bland even if you don't fancy it) - if I didn't eat anything I felt worse, but if I forced myself to eat something (even if I didn't think I really wanted to) it usually helped a bit.
Eat just before you go to bed and if you wake in the night.
Rest as much as you can
Sniff a cut lemon
Keep hydrated - you feel worse if you don't drink

Big hugs and sympathy - I know exactly how horrible it is! Just tell your DH how much you appreciate him helping you get through this - and hopefully it will pass very soon.

Take the drugs. This is the voice of harsh experience speaking. My GP practice was wonderfully supportive and it's worth taking what you can esp since you already have a lo just to feel human enough to get through the day.

Hi

Just wanted to offer sympathy. I am 6/7 weeks pg and feeling dire. I feel like I need to eat all the time but most food just makes me want to retch. The first few weeks I felt ok so I stupidly thought I was going to escape it (first pregnancy I had ms for 16 weeks). Now it almost seems worse, perhaps because I'm trying to cope with 19mo old and full time work. I just want to cry with it. My dh is also trying to be sympathetic but I just don't think men understand. They wouldn't be able to function at all with feeling so ill. Interested to see some of you recommending medication. I was always told there was nothing the docs could do.....? anyway, mrsbaboo, you have my wholehearted sympathy. Fingers crossed that it will pass for us and all other afflicted ladies!

There is medication available which does help. I think when you have a lo to look after, you really need to give it consideration. My gp (after some persuasion) prescribed me an antihistimine which is used for travel sickness as well. The downside was that I was very sleepy all the time. I was still sick several times, but this was much better than teh 10 -12 times a day I had 1st time. It also took away the constant nausea that I had 24/7 before. I am pleased to report that the cause of it all is now a healthy 4yo who has just started school - so there were no bad side effects for me. Go to your gp and have a chat at least.

Wow, he sounds very unsympathetic! Poor you - morning sickness is horrible. In fact the first trimester is pretty yucky, tbh. People can be very mean - they seem to think that because they can't see a big bump yet you must be the same as before. If I were you I would say something like 'Well it's not going to last forever you know, and in the meantime I could do with you being a bit more understanding' The second trimester is much, much nicer - you will look and feel great

Huge sympathy from here too. had Hypermesis with both my kids - throwing up to point of collapse every morning and the only people who understand how utterly hideous it is are those who've gone through it. If one more person recommended ginger biscuits or dry toast I thought I would bloody kill them.

My docs refused medication point blank despite me literally begging. I used accpuncture which I found very helpful (find someone reputable and experienced though through British Accupuncture Council). I also knew mine was partly due to wildly fluctuating blood sugar, which I have a problem with anyway, and found that eating something small and chocolate based first thing before I even got out of bed did minimise the sickness as it got my blood sugar up quickly, then I could eat something properly when felt better. I then snacked all the time so it never dropped again- low GI stuff though- nuts usually (no allergies in family so OK for me), cereal, wholemeal bread.

Hi everyone - thanks for your support. Managed to eat most of a proper lunch (and a bag of jelly tots!) so hopefully will be feeling stronger this pm.

I don't really have it that bad (i did another thread about this): it's not as bad as last time when I was sick several times a day, and even that was not anywhere near hyperemesis and the nightmare that a lot of people go through. That's the thing: it could be a lot worse, and yet it's still so hard.

I know all of the advice. The only things I haven't tried are acupuncture, B6 and medication. Will consider one of those, I think. i always eat before I get out of bed, and the couple of times I haven't, I have really regretted it.....And I am eating more or less all the time. A lot of crap mostly.

He's not unsympathetic...he just gets frustrated because he doesn't know what to do. The only thing to do is be nice, really. Pramspotter: he's not really that selfish - he's very stoical himself and very helpful generally.

But when I asked him to take dd to nursery on a day when it was my turn and he said I should remember what a big favour he was doing me, it did strike me as outrageously unfair. How big of a favour compared to feeling sick for 16 weeks so we can have another baby?

Sorry that was so long!