I hate being pregnant :( :(

[firstontheway]

I know it's an awful thing to say when so many people are desperately ttc, and believe me, I'm so happy I'm having this baby but I just hate the pregnancy part

I've never been this type of person before, but I have at least 2 or 3 crying fits a day, scream bloody murder at my poor, long suffering dh (who has never even raised his voice to me), threaten to leave, divorce him, even told him I wish I was dead and actually meant it. I'm seeing midwife in a couple of weeks and will mention it all as I'm sure this can't actually be normal, can it? I spend every day thinking how stupid I was to get myself into this position, even though this baby was planned and very much wanted by us both. I hate my body, I'm putting on stupid amounts of weight, and actually feel embarrased to go home and see my family I've got so big. And I've never had a good self image anyway, despite dh telling me it doesn't matter what size I am, he'll always love me etc etc. But I have no clothes and feel so ugly.

Sorry to bring everyone down, but apart from dh (who thinks it's just hormones but agrees I need to speak to gp/ midwife), I haven't spoken to anyone else about it, and it's just getting worse and worse every day. Plus, I'm really woried about my bp as it's already high and mum had pre eclampsia with all of us. And post natal depression, obviously. Please, someone tell me that you felt the same way during pregnancy and it all came out well in the end

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time.

How many weeks pregnant are you?

The hormones hit some women really hard but they tend to settle down by week 14.

Great that you are planning on speaking to GP or midwife as I'm sure they will reassure you.

Try not to think about the weight, it happens to most people and your body is doing something amazing!! It doesn't have to be a permanent change, you can make a positive plan to lose it afterwards.

You definitely need to get some maternity clothes sorted. I found that tops which drape over the bump (ie chiffon-type tops with a tie behind the back) to be more flattering than smocks. I bought loads of 3/4 lenth sleeve black stretchy tops and wore them under everything (including dresses) as they help smooth out the silhouette and cover up the tops of arms, if you don't like them (I'm not keen on mine!)

I hated it too - t'was grim, the whole thing. Hated being huge, having a tummy that felt like it was going to pop, heartburn, itchy legs, constant colds, not being able to drink, maternity clothes, people touching my bump, people not giving me a seat on the bus/tube when i was clearly v v pg, waiting for the baby to arrive. All of it. Of course now I have darling dd I can't really remember what all the fuss was about - but I wouldn't do it again for a pension. It will all be all right in the end. xx

I found it a completely horrible experience, and I really never want to be pregnant again.

Are you far along? I found the first 3 months really bad and exhausting, the middle 3 a bit of respite from the sickness and then the last bit was grim again. But lots of people feel much better after the first trimester.

Its very hard. People say how hard the first few weeks with a new born are, (and it is hard) but nothing like as bad as being pregnant, in my experience.

I hope that you feel better soon. I don't have any advice, nothing made me feel any better, except having the baby!

Have you got a lovely friend who could take you shopping? I agree new clothes might make you feel better - I got lots from New Look and Next Clearance - not expensive but definitely a morale boost.

It does sound as if you are finding things tough so asking for support is definitely the right thing to do.

Are you getting enough rest and eating well? I found that taking naps really helped me cope with the tiredness. Also you might find some relaxation techniques helpful. I used a CD from Natal hypnotherapy - it used to send me to sleep but that wasn't a bad thing!

Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

hi first

As one of my cousins said to me..

pregnancy is horrible..motherhood is wonderful
Not everyone glows.. trust me I didnt..

I know its hard..I really wanted to hit anyone who told me pregnancy was the best time of their life.. and dh thought his life was in danger!!

BUT at the end of your pregnancy you wont just get a baby you will get a little person who's life is totally dependant on you, it will blow your mind!!

good luck

Thanks all
I'm only 22 weeks pregnant. Could be an early surge of hormones I suppose, but tbh it's been like this since the beginning, and just gotten worse. I feel so utterly sorry for dh, I'm making his life so miserable and he doesn't deserve it. It doesn't help that ife in general is quite stressful at the moment, we're moving house, I have no energy to pack, money's an issue etc. I'm well aware some people have it a thousand times tougher and usually I'm able to just 'suck it up' but I've lost all my energy to feel enthusiasm about anything.

TarkaLiotta- It's very reassuring to hear you didn't get pnd as that's my worst worry. Knowing how I feel now, my husband is worried as he feel's that I'm blaming the baby for a lot of things, which I'm not really, just the pregnancy. It's completely put me off ever having more children always wanted so many kids and thought I'd be this happy pregnant woman, glowing and all sorts! Did the mental health team help you at all?

Littleladyloulou- Thanks for maternity clothes advice. I think I really do need to get that sorted, as I know my body image is making things a thousand times worse. I was packing up my clothes earlier, putting the ones I can't fit into for storage and ealised I have about 5 items of clothing I actually fit. I had to leave a pile in that I can't actually wear as it made me feel so fat and depressed! Plus I weighed myself yesterday. That was very stupid.

Gosh I'm slow at typing!

Thanks for the lovely replies. I'm glad I'm not alone feeling this way, it just seems that I've turned overnight from being a happy, grounded person, to a monster who does nothing but cries, shouts and eats. I really hate myself at the moment.

Will definetely go shopping next week I think, and make a plan to lose weight after the baby's born. I know this should be the last thing I worry about, but if I feel bad about the way I look, everything else goes downhill also.

I also had the mental health team - they weren't actually much help, but they did provide some support and I didn't get PND.

DH was very struck at how much better I was quite quickly after the birth, even though I was still a bit physically affected.

If it helps, I felt much better from about 7 months onwards. I'm not sure how much of that was down to impending maternity leave and escape from the boss from hell. But anyhow, I sympathise with you hugely. It is so often underestimated what a massive physical and emotional drain pregnancy is. I don't ever want to be pregnant again either.

I hated being pregnant, hated not being able to drink, not being able to eat what i wanted, hated putting on weight, not to mention the tiredness and the discomfort...

I didn't enjoy my first pregnancy and positively hated my second one (although it did go quicker!!) but yes it all worked out fine in the end

I love my 2 kids so much it was worth every long hour. The elation you feel when the baby is put in your arms is amazing!

It may be shallow but having clothes that fit (let alone look nice) do make a huge difference! I hate jeans usually but find a great pair in Next Maternity, they are called "Slouch" are my favourite.

I wear them with one of my trusty black tops which flatteringly cover the bump and my bottom a little, and top off with a nice cardigan and a scarf. Topshop has some trendier stuff like dresses and dressy tops. M&S great for basics. Tesco (amazingly) do maternity over the bump knickers which help smooth the silhouette. DP's do great long vests which you can throw a loose cardi or slouch jumper over. (I'm sure you know most of this already but I love to swap clothes tips!!)

I also get my nails done and always have a bit of tanning stuff on my face to help create that "glow" (people comment how well I look, yes well you should see me without me face on, people!!)

And stay off them scales! they are evil and have no bearing on reality. It bugs me when you hear of celebs moaning about puttin on three stone because approximately two stones at least of that are the baby/uterus/extra blood you make/amniotic fluid!!! It is not "fat", nor should you just put on the weight of the baby (as I used to think )

Here is the average breakdown:

Baby = 7.5 - 8.5lbs
Placenta = 1.5 - 2lbs
Amniotic fluid = 2lbs
Blood volume = 4lbs
Womb muscle = 2 -2.5lbs
Water = 4lbs
Breast tissue = 2lbs
Energy reserves (for labour) = 7lbs

So it's not as scary as all that. Even if you put 4 stone on then you've only really gained 1.5 stone and you could lose that in 4 months easy!

not killed Fearless!

I was rabid pregnant monster. I was unwell, had little money, couldn't work much (self employed so eek), was temper tantrumming daily. By third trimester I was a lot calmer, though enormous and had dreadful clothes. It was all a bit of a fug tbh.

Still, I loved my little ds with my whole heart when he eventually arrived and didn't have pnd.

That was 5 years ago now and I'm suddenly wondering if I can go through it all again (more eek).

Talk to your midwife. Anything that makes you feel this dreadful needs to be discussed with them. I don't want to worry you, but ante-natal depression is a real phenomenon that affects a lot of women (bloody hormones!) and you can get help for this. Don't suffer in silence. HTH.

Thanks so so much for all the advice
It's realy good to know that feeling like this doesn't necessarily mean I'll get pnd as that's what I'm most worried about. But will speak to midwife/ dr none the less.

Point about diet is a very good one. I tend to think I'm actually eating much better than I do normally, cooking from scratch every day, loads of salad, veg, fruit etc, but am also having a lot of sugar which I never did before (bad sugar in the form of haribo and pink panther biscuits) and I wonder if this is making the mood swings a bit worse? it's certainly worth a try cutting it out anyway and see what happens. It's so horrible thinking I should be enjoying every second of this preg, I feel this should be the happiest time of my life. I just have to look forward to when bubba is here I guess

I agree, I would get an appointment as soon as possible and speak to somebody. It could be pre-natal depression which is not always much to worry about but you would really benefit from some help and monitoring. It won't effect baby and a lot of mums have it without ever knowing. But if you can get it checked then you might be able to get help so the next few months are as enjoyable as they can be. Also, you want to do as much as you can to prevent post natal depression.

I hated pregnancy too. SO much so that though I am desperate for another child, I have actually considered adoption rather than have to go through all that again.
You are not alone, but I agree that you may well have ante-natal depression. There are some anti depressants that are suitable for use during pregnancy which may help. Also, being able to talk about our feelings will help.
Don't feel guilty about your feelings though - that will make things worse for you and you have no need to. Many women feel this way.

You really cannot underestimate how much better you will feel with some decent fitting clothes - especially at 22 weeks as you become recognisably pregnant. I very rarely spend money on myself when it comes to clothes - there always seem more important things to spend our cash on - but I just went and blew all my spare cash for November on £250 worth of stuff from JoJo Maman Bebe. I got jeans, a smart pair of black trousers, 5 wrap tops (one in every colour!), 2 other tops and a huge to the floor cardi which will be perfect for the winter.

And already I feel a million times better - everyone is complimenting me now, whereas before I kind of felt people thought I was letting myself go, and it's so nice to get up in the morning and think "I can look nice today" rather than "I have to wear my old jeans all the way undone with a safety pin holding them up".

Good fitting bras which I bought last month have revolutionised my pregnancy too.

DO IT! Go shopping tomorrow! xx