Upsetting hospital appointment. Am I being oversensitive.

[2Helenback]

Had to see the consultant yeaterday at 18+6, to discuss whether I should have an elective or VBAC. I think also because i am older at nearly 39. I was prepared for the conversation, which was pretty rubbish anyway, as i'd had the same with my MW who was actually more interested in what I thought rather than telling me the options.

I had said yes to a student doctor being in, which was fine as we all have to learn. The qualified doc asked if the student could listen to heartbeat,and I of course said yes, as it's always nice and reassuring to hear it anyway.

She prodded me a bit with the doppler and couldn't find it, and gave up. The other doc (who was very very young) then tried for ages and ages and couldn't find it either. They tried another doppler machine and still no luck. She was pushing really hard and it was hurting a bit, but the look on her face really started to worry me.

Then, without a warning they both went off, and I could hear muffled conversations. I lay there alone with my tummy covered in jelly trying to feel a movement, getting more and more panicked. By the time they cmae back with the consultant I was really distressed. She bollocked them for upsetting me, which made me feel worse. She then couldn't find the heartbeat either.

In the end she sent for a scan machine and straight away said "look, there's the heartbeat" which I couldn't see for ages as my glasses were all wet and smeary.

I then had to go back to school, teach all day, and do a parents' evening til 7pm. By the time I'd got home and put dd to bed it was 9pm by the time I spoke to Dh. He was very upset and sympathetic. However, I am still getting very tearful about it now, and he seems to think I should get over it as everyting is fine, but I just feel so tired and tearful. Typing this is making me cry. I just don't think he understands how frightened I was.

Am I being stupid? Has anyone else had similar experience?

This is terrible for you.

Fecking stupid doctors. You shouldn't feel upset that she bollocked them - they needed it.

Not had a similar experience, just wanted you to know that I feel for you and YOU ARE NOT BEING STUPID!

I had a similar experience during my last pregnancy, and I still remember how horrible it was, so my heart goes out to you, 2Helen. You are definitely not being oversensitive either - your dh is hearing about the incident secondhand, and knowing ahead of time that everything turns out OK, whereas you lived through it - and I'm willing to bet that those moments of uncertainty and worry stretched like days.

When you are pregnant, you know how up and down your emotions are - hormones, tiredness etc etc - well, add in such a huge and sudden worry, and you are bound to feel the effects for a while. Hug your dd, get her to hug you and know that I am sending you a big hug too (we do need a hug emoticon).

sunnygirl.

Poor you that is extremely upsetting and the students were very unprofessional. I have experienced a doctor (Registrar) taking a long time to find a heartbeat, and it was upsetting. It is upsetting for the staff too, they were probably fearing the worst.

It's bound to take a while to get over this.

You are not being oversensitive, what a horrible experience.

Would it be worth getting in touch with the consultant and telling her that, as she noticed, it has really upset you and that you are now worried about the baby. Perhaps they could fit you in for an extra scan to give you some more reassurance.

Don't feel bad about the docs getting told off. Even if they could not find the heartbeat, they should have tried to reassure you rather than just left you lying there alone. One of them or a midwife should have stayed with you while they got the consultant.

Did the consultant say why they could not pick up the heartbeat? Was it the way the baby was lying?

Thanks for the support. I knew it would take a while to find early on, but there's a while and a blooming long time. Didn't help that I know several people who had this experince at scans, with a very different outcome, so started to envisage walking out through waiting room full of people waiting for scans etc.

Feel a bit better for having got it off my chest here though.

Poor you. That's awful.

Had a similar experience - took three midwives (including the head of the unit). It can depend on the position of the baby and the placenta (it is anterior?). I got more used to it as the pg progressed (as did the midwives).

How awful & upsetting - once hapened to me when I was there for monitoring. The nurse couldn't find the heartbeat for the detector. She asked me when I last felt movement - was a just before my appointment - but still a scary moment. Look after yourself after this shock.

Totally understand your stress. I had a similar experience at UCH for my first antenatal appt. Initially the student midwife couldn't find the heart monitor and had to go get one from another room, then she couldn't find the heartbeat! She said it was because the machine was crap. Didn't really make me feel any better so I was very apprehensive before my ultrasound scan the next day. Thank goodness everything was ok.

The words "these dopplers are crap" were used by the senior consultant lady. I'm sure they are, but it doesn't inspire confidence. She was actually very swift and calm to get a scan machine, and that helped because inside my brain I was screaming "just bloody scan me!!!"

My MW was telling me she gets lots of calls from distressed women who have bought those dopples from Argos and then can't find the heartbeat themselves so she has to rush off to see them when it's not necessary. I think by the time you can find the heartbeat easily you can really feel baby move anyway.

To add insult to injury the young doc told me that the fat on the abdomen made it harder to find. She didn't mean to be insulting, but when she made me "hold it out of the way" and pull my overhang (post cs) up I did feel like a right fat knacker.

how scary, 2Helenback - so glad everything was all OK

are you actually overweight re "fat on abdomen" comment? I think it can really affect dopplers, but what a way to put it!!

I think they (original docs) should have said to you:

This happens, it's sometime hard to find the heartbeat due to the baby's position, I'll get a different machine so that it's easier.

They shouldn't have whispered etc. IMO, they shouldn't have prodded you hard either as that's really horrible when you are pg - spending your whole time protecting your bump from bashes etc and then getting a doctor hurting it.

You are not being oversentitive. How scary to lie there whilst people can't find your baby's heartbeat. I think I would be shaken up by it for a while, it brings one's fears closer to home. Am glad to hear the baby is ok.

I suspect (hope) the student and junior doctor will have been told off again out of your hearing for upsetting you. Don't feel bad about that, they need to realise you are a person and not "just" a patient.

dinny, yes, I am not skinny, and I know that, and I can accept that it affects scans etc as I was really frightened during first pregnancy that I wouldn't get a scan. I am a size 16 on a good day, 18 on a not so good day, still carrying first babyweightI just felt so exposed anyway that it hit home a bit, and felt that it was reflection on me as a mum.

Those old hormones can make us very sensitive.

It is terrifying isn't it? The only time this happened to me was when I was actually in labour with dd3. Got to hospital contracting away and she couldn't find it. Eventually she did - in just the one position - and that was the only place she could find it right through the labour. I do sympathise with you - sounds like the consultant had the right idea at least.

are you working today? have a nice bath and relax if not - you'll feel stronger again by tomorrow I bet!

(are you due in March btw - sorry, rubbish maths!!) I'm 23 weeks preggers (does that mean you're due in April?)

congrats anyway!!!

April, but only just. At work today, and foolishly agreed weeks ago to go out tonight, and can't refuse to go as is an early birthday meal for me. A quiet weekend ahead and lots of time with dd should do the trick though.

Thanks for the support girls.

aww 2heleneback - big hugs for you that is just awful and can completely see how terribel you felt. Bloody student doctors should learn that loads of mothers are worried and therefore need to be sensitive

I always kept away from those home dopplers for just this reason ....

2Helen something similar happened to me, i went for my scan at the cmu and the mw could not find a baby sent us home with her "best wishes" she wanted to send me to the epu in the next morning as no appt left that day. Me and dp spent all afternoon and night without a word to each other worried sick next day got to the epu and waited for my scan, when we went in i could barely see the screen for the tears welled up in my eyes and i heard "there we are baby and the heartbeating away" i was crying that much they had to wait till i stopped to carry on with the scan. I'm due in April and now i dread every mw appt and scan.

Ps my last appt at 15 weeks it took the mw ages (at least a good 10mins) to find babys heartbeat which i was holding my breath through but i do know although they say you can hear the heartbeat with the doppler from around 16 weeks it is still very difficult to find. Good luck with the rest of your pg x

Broodymom, how awful that must have been for you. I think it's awful that anyone in that situation should be left overnight not knowing what is happening. Sometimes it's just really really important that you find out straight away. If they hadn't scanned me there and then I think I'd have had a total meltdown!