7 weeks pg, terrible first visit to doctor ...

[MOC]

Hi all,

I'm seven weeks pregnant with my first child and went to see my doctor yesterday for the booking in appointment. Well, she couldn't have made me feel less important if she'd tried.

She informed me that I would be having the nuchal test and that I would be having my baby in Farnborough Hospital - no choice, no discussion, just a statement. I know for a fact that you have a choice on whether to have the tests but when I mentioned this she raised her eyebrows and said that as i will be 36 when i have the baby, I would "defintely" be in the high risk category and the test should be a given. She wasn't at all keen on me having the baby anywhere else, and said that it was "luck of the draw" if your hospital has a good or bad day when you go in to have the baby. I know that this is true but talk about unsympathetic!

I understand that I was just another patient to her, but is it unreasonable to expect a little more sensitivity?

The whole appointment was absolutely not what I expected and after I left the surgery I walked home crying in the rain - seems quite funny now, but not at the time!

Sorry for the rant but we deserve much better than this!!! Early pregnancy can be stressful enough with that kind of attitude. I hope that everyone else's experiences are more positive.

MOC x

Where I live you can't go straight to a midwife - you don't see a midwife until 12 weeks or later so you have to go to a gp to get referred.

I have a great gp when I've been in to tell them I'm pregnant and terrible too !

The first time I got asked if it was a good thing or not (perhaps they are meant to ask this just in case).

The second time was great although I m/c but that gp was great throughout the m/c.

The third time I went in and the doctor said 'that was quick'. I looked at her incredulously. It had taken 2 years from the m/c. She actually meant since i'd been referred for infertility investigations/treatment but still, it was a little bit misguided ! Mind you, that was the doctor who, when prescribing me antibiotics asked me if I was on the pill despite having all my notes in front of her that I had only been to the doctors in the previous 18 months with m/c or infertility !

I am lucky that I am at a big surgery with lots of doctrs - the majority of which are great. I just need to avoid this one I think !

When I was pregnant with my second I was repeatedly told that I was NOT pregnant. In fact their tests weren't as sensitive as the Boots one I bought.

Fortunately the GP and I had a laugh about this when I was finally 'allowed' to see her.

I remember when I had the most exciting news in the world EVER and my doctor couldn't have been more disinterested if he tried and I was completed deflated! It's a horrible feeling I know but shake it off now and go and tell all your friends who will be THRILLED for you and make you feel special!

Congratulations!

When I was 8 weeks pg with ds1 I went to gps to find out what was what (expected them to confirm it) and be told what would follow next etc to be told off for leaving it so late to start a family and that at 31 I'd be classed as a geriatric mother and therefore would be treated as high-risk. Was quite stunned. My ante-natal class was full of women my age as it happens and my friends have also waited until their 30s to have their children. Reckon the gp was/is just completely out of touch with reality of modern life.

Hi MOC

I think I live near you, I am 5 weeks and was also referred to Farnborough (but not told). I have heard loads of people talking about their first visit being disappointing (friends and on MN), and if you buy Myleene Klass's book "My bump and Me" she talks about the doctor making her cry on her first visit also (yes I know I'm sad for liking Myleene). Luckily, the doctor I saw (in Chislehurst) was lovely and said that Farnborough was very good and that she had her baby there ... but my DP's mum who is a social worker said Farnborough has a terrible reputation. There is also Queen Mary's in Sidcup. Hopefully we are moving house in December or I would have looked into choices further myself ... the other thing is, if you really feel uncomfortable with your doctor, you should change to a different one. That kind of "care" is not on.

I also think you should change GP. We should not accept this srt of crap when it is ourbodies, our pregnancies and our choices. There are lots of reasons for and against practically everything they do to you in pg and testing is one big potential source of real stress (which is of course bad for the babe). You need to be informed, talk to your dp, and decide how far you would take the testing, bearing in mind the mc risks. Any pg book or website has lots on nuchal.

I am appalled that people don't get told about choice...

BUT congrats on your PG anyway!!

MOC there is a good website which gives info on hospitals in your area and gives some useful stats and qualitative info from women who have had their babies their (questionnaires). I think its called birthchoice uk

Hi MOC - congrats on your pregnancy

www.birthchoiceuk.com/ is the site that has info on maternity units.

I'm guessing that how much choice you have on where you have your baby will depend on exactly where you live, and agree your MW will probably have more info on that than your GP. My MW said I had a choice of 3, but she could only give me ante-natal classes if I went to this 1 [hmmm]. What she didn't say was that you're free to change your choice up at eny point in your pregnancy (at the end of the day if you roll up at a hospital you're not booked at in active labour, they're unlikely to turn you away - you have a choice, even if policy won't let you advance book the hospital you choose!).

See what the MW says and have a ponder. The hospitals should do tours for expectant parents, so go and have a look around the options before you make a final decision. If you decide to go to hospital at all (they can advise you, but as you know its your decision not theirs as to where you give birth).

Congrats again, and fingers crossed you have a happy, healthy pregnancy

their?? Erm I mean there. Pregnancy is robbing me of basic literacy

Not totally up-to-date but Queen Mary's (Sidcup) maternity unit is due for the axe (or has already been axed). Lewisham was also due to be axed but I think they are still fighting to keep it open. Farnborough is due to become much larger and will (ye Gods are smiling upon us) have a midwife-led birthing centre - I think this is scheduled for 2010?. Why they didn't give us a midwife-led centre when they opened the new Farnborough hospital a few years back I cannot fathom.

Hopefully a mumsnetter or midwife can give MOC some accurate, up-to-date info.

congratulations on your pregnancy, I hope that your experiences of the medical professionals improve from now on! My first appt with GP was pretty rubbish - though no way as bad as yours - but the lovely midwives have made up for it. I'm surprised you have been 'told' where you can give birth, I was given too many options, it varies so much from place to place.

good luck with the next weeks and months xx

i saw my GP last week to say I was pregnant and she was also crap. i had a miscarriage in July and am really anxious but she was not reassuring or sympathetic at all - her attitude was that it was no big deal and I should just get on with it. "think of it as 'maybe you're pregnant, maybe you're not'" was her advice, as she turned down my request for an early scan. though i can see what she means i felt it showed a lack of understanding for how it actually feels to be wondering whether you should be optimistic or psyching yourself up for another really depressing m/c.

oh yes, and part of the reason i'm negative/fearful about the prospects for this pregnancy are that she was so negative after my last miscarriage, saying i should not be surprised to have another; it could easily happen again, etc etc. Technically true, yes, but appropriate at that point? i'm not so sure. and she's supposed to be the specialist in "women's issues" at our surgery. I might try the cheery male GP next time!

Hi all,

This is my first post as I've only just joined (am 12 weeks pg) - so hi everyone!

Sorry to hear about some of the dire experiences people have been having with their GPs. I've also had fun & games with my GP and hospital referral and think that the 'patient choice' concept is often not very well explained. The NHS is spending vast amounts on enabling people to have choice, and the main thing that seems to get in the way of people accessing it is the healthcare professionals out there who may not want to explain the choices to you. The decision on where to give birth - the right hospital, or at home - is supposed be yours, and you are entitled to push for what you want. If you're not happy with your GP's recommendations, you can get a second opinion. This site is quite handy for more info: www.nhs.uk/choices/Pages/Aboutpatientchoice.aspx

Sorry for the rambly post - I know that some GPs are really great, but the unhelpful attitude of others gets up my nose, and it's easier to get what you want from them if you understand your rights.

Hi MOC

Congratulations! I'd talk to the midwives as they've been wonderful for us (my other half is 2 weeks away from delivery) She's 43 and classed as high risk. It may mean that you get better service - we ended up seeing a consultant every month. They say you're high risk but that's just based on your age really.

Have a look at the Healthcare Commission annual maternity check - www.healthcarecommission.org.uk/maternity.cfm

And get yourself on a NCT course - the tutor and other parents to be were great!

Take care and good luck

Dave

I had my baby at Queen Mary's 7 weeks ago and cannot fault the staff there (although postnatal care was a bit hit and miss).
No decision has been made just yet about the closure.
Best of luck with your choice and for a happy and safe pregnancy - congrats!
KGx

Happy Friday everyone!

Just wanted to say thanks a lot for all of your posts and responses. The links look really useful and I will definitely check them out over the weekend. At the end of the day, I know that hospitals are a bit hit and miss, but it is great to get personal feedback from mums, I don't really trust the NHS stats by themselves.

Bye for now,
MOC

Congratulations MOC!

I was given a choice between Farnborough and Queen Mary's by my GP. I'm quiet new to the area and didn't know which one to go for so I chose Queen Mary's simply because Farnborough does not do early dating scan. Since then I've heard lots of excellent feedback about Queen Mary's and not so good ones about Farnborough.. Queen Mary's has a midwife led delivery unit, which opened recently. All the midwifes and sonographers who I've met have been really lovely so far. Hopefully it will leave up to its reputation in 11 weeks!

You should be able to change to Queen Mary's easily, in fact a girl from my yoga class has just switched and she is due in December!

I know this is a really old thread but having had a similar experience today I thought I'd add mine so if people google the topic (as I did!) it can be another tale of solidarity!! ... That, and I needed to rant!

I'm 5 weeks pregnant today, found out on the last night of our honeymoon last week, very shocked it's happened so soon but also overjoyed. Went to my GP surgery today and the NHS website says they'll want to know history and check things / give advice. Sweet Jesus it was a demoralising experience. I was literally in the room for less than 4 minutes - I jump in saying with a whopping grin on my face "I've recently found out that I'm pregnant!" Cue a weird look from the GP followed by "and is this good news for you?" I was a bit taken aback by that as my face, tone and body language should have told him everything he needed to know there. I replied yes, to which he then said "Well then you don't need to see me, just go to reception and ask for a booking form". He was utterly disinterested and acted as if I was wasting his time.

Me, determined to get my full 10 minutes that I'd waited for and come prepared with questions I asked him to reassure me, as it's my first child and I'm aware that miscarriage risk is increased in the first trimester. In response to my request for reassurance he said "It's incredibly common, over one in three women miscarry but we won't investigate any problems with you until you've miscarried three times". Cue a heartbroken/panic-stricken face from me. He then said "Ok, goodbye", and as a slightly shell-shocked me walked to the door as a follow on he added "Good luck with 'that'. Cheers." without even looking up at me. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't expecting a red carpet or anything and as an NHS professional myself I know how pressured staff can be to see so many people a day, but that didn't mean he had to act like a heartless douche bag. His made up statistic really scared me (NHS website quotes one in six, as opposed to one in three end in miscarriage). I'm optimistic that the midwife will be much more human :)