Hi Sloves - I'll reply here and copy to your e-mail as well.
I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this, and sorry for the loss of Noah. Your situation sounds very similar to mine. My son, Henry, was still born at 21 weeks with a genetic condition called lethal multiple pterygium. I believe it is strongly linked to akinesia as this was mentioned at the time. Basically his joints were fused together and he had severe hydrops. The post mortem showed that we also had a 25% chance of recurrence as DH and I both have the recessive gene. We were offered genetic counselling but to be honest the consultant we saw said that they would not be able to tell us much more than that so we decided against it. Not sure if this was the best course of action or not, but it was such a hard time.
My DS1 was 18 months at the time that Henry died so we were so grateful that we had had no issues with him. In some ways I think finding out that there are genetic issues would probably be harder if it was your first. At least we both know it is possible to have healthy children.
We tried again because we knew we wanted another child but it was not a straightforward decision. I had a haemorrage after the birth of Henry and needed transfusions and as a result my DH was really scared that something similar would happen again. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I became pregnant in Oct 2006 and because of my history I was sent for an early scan. The only way they could determine if our baby had the same condition was to see if the hydrops was starting and to see if the nuchal measurement was enlarged. So we had scans every 3 weeks until 20 weeks when we were officially given the all clear. To be honest though, as soon as I saw my son moving about at some of the early scans I just knew it would be OK. He was born in July last year and is perfect .
We wont be trying again, in part because we are rushed off our feet with 2 boys but also because I've tempted fate enough and feel very lucky with my family. I still consider myself to have 3 boys though.
I'm sorry you are in the same position that we found ourselves in. It hits you like a ton of bricks when you realise that you have so much to consider when trying for a baby, but we are so glad we gave it a try. Obviously it worked out well for us and I truly hope that if you decide to go ahead that it works out for you too. Please do keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.
Best wishes
x