I have so many questions - I'm not supposed to be pregnant fgs!

[hobbgoblin]

I think I am 3 weeks 6 days. I seem to have had nausea since the day after conception or thereabouts which has abated now but I am wildly guessing my dates as I was on the combined pill.

My life situation is truly dire - I am financially struggling as a lone parent of 3. I'm just coming out the other side of a terrible few years and am now in a good job. My relationship is quite new and he has categorically stated he does not want more children. He does not know I am pg yet.

I should have known I might get pregnant as I have not been eating properly due to stress and as a result have had (tmi coming up) loose bowel movements from time to time. I just didn't think, but I am now remembering something about polos and the pill and diarrhoea making you at risk of becoming pregnant so I think this must be what has happened, minus the polos.

God I am really rambling...

I am really worried too that the baby may be at risk as I have not been eating at all well, I've had wine and I've been smoking about 3 cigarettes a day.

I never smoked in the past so all my previous pregnancies have been lovingly cared for from conception.

I will not be supported in this pregnancy and I think I have just made life about a trillion times harder for me and my existing DC.

I don't know what to do.

ok first things first, you need to find out if you ARE pregnant (don't know if a test will be accurate at such early stage though).

Then you need to stop panicking about smoking/drinking. I drank HEAVILY when pg with first baby until I realised I was pg (first 6 weeks of pg, probably) and she was fine, MW wasn't worried at all.

ARe you sure you won't be supported in this pg? He might surprise you. If not,m you need to decide if/how you will cope.

Glad you're in a good job - it will still be waiting for you after mat leave

Ok well, I think you might have been on my other thread about being bizarrely drunk one night a couple of weeks ago. (?) I think this was shortly after conception hence the strange overreaction to alcohol.

I have had 3 positive tests now - 2 were clearblue digital. I have loads of pg symptoms. (I've been pregnant 6 times including miscarriages so sort of know what to expect even though each has been different). Anyhow, I am as sure as I can be I AM. My period was due this weekend.

Thanks for reassuring words

I am vaguely considering termination but only because I know how much my time and love and energy will be stretched across 4 children

I think it sounds unlikely that you are pregnant. Nausea could have been totally unrelated.(and in IMO too early anyway) And i have been on the combined pill many times and never worried about a loose bowel movement affecting it ( possibly chronic Dihorea)

First of all breathe. Just take a few minutes before you start to panic.
When I found out I was pg I was shitting myself about DP's reaction as he'd said he didn't want kids for at least another few years. I worked myself up into such a state. When I told him, he was shocked but very happy. You just don't know how he will react but it could be very positive. Plus, it wasn't your fault. You were on the pill so weren't exactly expecting to become pregnant.
Don't worry about wine and ciggies you had already. I think everyone who wasn't planning on getting pg has done it, I certainly have. It's highly unlikely anything would've happened.
When you say you'll not be supported in this pregnancy do you mean no support from new DP? You just don't know that yet so please don't think the worst yet.
I know it's a shock hon but please try to take tiny small steps at a time. Everything happens for a reason. Stay on MN and people will always give you support. I know it's just words but we mean it. We're here for each other.

sorry didnt realise you were positive - sorry for cross post

So, a missed period, three positive tests, aching boobs, crying all the time, breast milk, wind, tingling nipples, extreme tiredness, nausea (now decreasing)...means I'm not????

I wish I had your confidence in that likelihood!

I've never missed a period.

Oh god, I am a leetle bit afraid

xpost again TB

I have kind of broached the subject before with dp. He had an odd reaction, suffice to say that he would walk out of the door and not look back. He has children already and is, ahem, an older man.

Firstly, I think you need to stop worrying about his reaction and tell your dp, then depending on his reaction, go from there. You just dont know how he is going to react until you tell him, once you have done that you will have a better idea of where you stand with the amount of support you are going to recieve from him and from there you can make a decision about what to do next.

And please come back and tell us what he says, good luck

Mine was the same, he gave impression he'd actually run for the hills if I got pg, but when actually faced with it in real life, he stayed right next to me.
I bet even he wouldn't know for sure how he'd react until actually faced with it happening. Give yourself a bit more time, then talk to him.
Give him a wee bit of time if he needs it, remember it'll be s shock like it was for you too.

I think you have to tell your DP ASAP, it's his responsibility as well. I get very angry when women come on here afraid to tell their partners "they" have got pregnant.

If a man has sex with a woman contraception is his responsibility as well as hers. OK he relies on her to take the pill, but nothing is 100% except not having sex, if he really doesn't want children he should have worn a condom as well.

You need his support on this do not hide it from him. You need to make your choices together. Don't be alone on this.

I was thinking I should make a decision in my own mind before telling him so that I don't get swayed/confused too much.

But what he says will probably impact your decision anyway

Remember it will be a big shock for him too so he will probably need a few days to get his head around it too.

Best of luck though hope it all works out for you x

that sounds like a plan hobbgoblin, keep your chin up x

I am sure that you know in your own mind how it would feel to terminate this to a certain extent, having lost babies to miscarriage.

In the cold light of day, in the future could you really live with the decision, however sensible it may be?

I don't say this to be judgmental, because it's your life and I am pro-choice. However, Every friend I know that has terminated has really suffered very badly mentally afterwards for years.

Hope you can sort this out for the best for all of you.

Hi again.

Thanks for all the supportive messages.

I've now told dp who spent a day being livid and not speaking to me at all. We have agreed to talk next week after I see the GP. I have telephoned the BPA and am going to ask GP for a referral so that termination is an option until the last second of deliberation over this.

Dp has made it absolutely clear that the relationship is over if I decide to go ahead and that he wants no contact. This really makes me feel even more determined to stick with what I want to do. I think this is that I don't want to have a termination but there are so many other factors to consider.

Hello,
That sounds really hard for you. I don't want to pry or be harsh but do you really want to end up with a man who gives ultimatums like that? Maybe he'll come round but you must do whats best for you in the long run. Things funnily can have a way of working out with kids. I'm prochoice too but agree with 2 Helenback, any of my friends that have ended pregnancies are still carrying regrets with them.
Good luck

That's the thing...I just see things as me (my existing DC) and the baby now, not HIM. That is very sad but if he really cannot deal with this then so be it. He doesn't matter more than the life of our unborn child.

What is bothering me is the potential for mind changing and me not knowing where I am for the next several months and beyond. This could potentially be one great head fck to be frank.

Do men really stick to this 'no contact, never want to meet my child' thing?

I don't know if I hope it is true or that it isn't. I think I just want to know what I'm dealing with.

Uncertainty can be agonising, maybe if you just stay focused on your health and what is best for you you might feel a bit more serene. Sleep on it or try! Be kind to yourself, don't torture yourself too much especially when the outcome could be positive. Ultimately the only person we can really rely on is ourself anyway.

If you were to terminate the pregnancy, would you stay together happily do you think ?

He might not want contact, by the way, but he cannot shirk his responsibilities.